june 17

welp. had a dream last night with gurl7. this was actually sorta welcome since i’m sick of thinking about girl8. thankfully this might have worked. it was a promising dream, i was just hanging out and talking to girl7 and she was being friendly and nice and receptive to me, less asexual than normal in other words. at one point i was even hugging her and gazing into her eyes and being pretty verbally open about muh interest, and she was open to it and not clamming up, but also not throwing herself at me right then and there, which i thought was good. i could wait a little while as long as i knew she was really into it.

also, tangent, the three date rule is slutty. if you’re a woman and abide by the 3 date rule to have sechs, you are a slut. it should be a TEN date rule at LEAST if you want to be a respectable, nonslutty, nonpromiscuous woman.

of course, i support the right and the freedom of women to choose to be promiscuous and slutty if they want. free country.

anyway, with that dream, i guess i am thinking a bit more of g7 now, because i felt very close and happy about her in the dream, and she was goin my way, nice and steady. heck i’m just thankful to get goddam girl8 out of my head for a while.

heh. never thought a dream about girl7 could be a good thing. and at this point in time, a dream about girl8 to get girl7 out of muh head would not make any sense. so, it worked out perfectly.

the only thing that could be better is if girl7 contacted me and want to Go Out. yes, she would be a perfect substitute for girl8.

ok seeing the shrink today. might be last time for a while. got to make this hour count hehehe.

the email implied would be starting job in july. maybe even july 1. knowing these scumbags they will prob make me work july 4 with no holiday pay. not that i had big plans but it’s the principle. you do get holiday pay and health bennies after one year. i hear the health bennies suck. but at least now i will have access to the 401k in july. i think.

i am cold towards wimmin because the whopping majority of them don’t attract me beyond their bodies, and the ones i actually like always reject me. there’s your psychoanalytical explanation. so, simple solution, look deeper at Normal Women to try to find something to like about them. everybody has something to like about them.

ok. enough about wimmin. wimmin can bl0w mah b4llz.

ok. look on the bright side. i could have no arms or legs. and have cancer.

so, the bright side is, the rational explanation for all this thought about girl8 is that i was pretty shocked by my old frand telling me about his history with her. did not see that coming. and this is me reacting to that shock. of course she is up front in my mind.


i remember the leftists were sitting around having an anti-racist, anti-privilege conversation, brought about by watching die antwoord and how edgy and provocative they were to criticize the evil whites in south africa, when the conversation turned into….perhaps the best way to deal with hateful white racist fascists is to kill them! that they can never be converted or trusted and that the world would be a better place without these violent, genocidal hatemongers!!!!!

heh. good thing i did not take more than one puff of wiid or else i would have really freaked out there.

but these leftists are perfectly nice people. i just was in no condition to change THEIR minds and convert them to Racist Fascism!

i just thought it was kind of amusing.



having confidence is a WONDERFUL feel. even better than happiness, prob even better than average sechs. because you don’t need anybody but yourself to have it. you just sit there by yourself and think god damn, what a BOSS am I. I am so awesome, and that feelsgoodman.

so i was thinking i should just focus on getting Laid before even thinking about getting a new job. getting laid is EASY compared to getting a job, right, and it’s supposed to be fun too.

more importantly, it will boost your confidence to give you the extra confidence needed to find a new job. it takes mroe confidence and work to get a job than to get laid.

job is like a level 20 task while getting laid is like a level 10 task, if we want to think of it in terms of exeprience points and levelling up.

all of life is just easier and funner when you have confidence and feel LIKE A BOSS. having sechs can give it to you. i remember when I had sechs with an attractive gurl once, i felt like a TOTAL BOSS and have been chasing that feel ever since.

if i could just get THREE MONTHS of that feel, that would be enough to turn muh life around re job and career and all that.