may 2

after girl7 rejected me for the last time in october 2012, it was prob after then that i “crossed the rubicon” in terms of becoming a huge racist. i didn’t have to worry about some wifely woman rejecting me because i was a Racist Extremist, so I was gonna become a Racist Extremist.

since then I have kinda toned down on that, although I certainly still am Pro-My-Own-Race, as every race probably SHOULD be.

NOW. I was in full blown luv with Girl7 for…. not quite four years, but at least three and a half years. they say it takes half the amount of time you were “In a rel” with somebody to fully get over them. like if you were married for ten years, you won’t be fully over your x-wife for FIVE years.

now i was not married or even in a rel with girl7, but i was heavily in luv with her, so, same thing. half of…jeez. let’s just say four years, is two years, QED, in Octover 2014 I will be Fully Over Girl 7, and ready to Date Again!

heh. but I feel I am pretty over her right now anyway. in may 2014. yes i am a full three months ahead in the blog, almost. that is fine. maybe I will go up to four!

heh. what would MOTIVATE me to not be lazy. or you. well, banging a cute young gurl. that would give me the energy and the masculinity to go out there and get a new job, or do a masters degree (in stem) and get a REAL good job.

SO, QED, I should be busting my bunz to get that 18 yo qt, because that will give me the energy to bust my bunz to work hard in everything that REALLY counts.

how 2 do a masterz degree when you REALLY don’t want to.

i guess “morally” lazy loser is redundant and perhaps confusing. definitely kinda dated. the important thing is that you are physically lazy and don’t DO anything. of course that stems from Moral Laziness, in that Laziness is Inherently Immoral and Evil; but you don’t stop it because that would take Moral Effort; and I was referring to the deadly SIN of sloth. but yeah it manifests in you turning into a physically lazy loser as well. just a lazy loser. not sure if i can change the name of this blog. the moral is important, but not super important to the catchiness of the name.

f00king careers. in order to be a winner, you HAVE to have a career. f00king sucks.

actually i can think of another guy who worked at the same job making minimum wage for like 8 years, with NO raises, no promotions. and he was a smart guy who deserves a raise at least once a year! yet if the company can get away with not giving you a raise…..they will not give you a raise in 8, 10, etc years.  they will not reward such loyalty. he is a very smart guy but staying there so long was not very smart. and of course i worry that I would do the same exact thing if i were able to get a job i could stick with for so long.

i kinda did that with my previous job, although i got a tiny raise every year, it was still a nowhere, dead-end job. but it was stress-free and i stayed there for FIVE years. down the toilet! but no stress. and no layoffs. hehehe. but low pay, not enough hours, and dead end. hmmm. pros and cons. hehehehe. but at the end of the end, muh stressful current job is a big step up, and a far cry more WINNING, because more hours and way higher pay.

may 3

saturday. on saturdays i chill out a bit. i woke up at 4 am and laid there awake for like an hour feeling very cripplingly depressed, of course i shoudl K myself because i’m a total hopeless loser who can’t do the bare minimum of life, and will never be gainfully employed or sow wild oats, will never find my way, i am already an OLD MAN, it’s too late. but I can’t K myself because of my family and of course HELL. so, now what.

well thankfully i fell back asleep but then had a horrible dream where i was a soldier at war and then we were captured by the enemy, who, strangely enough, were americans like us. we were in a hut and captured and waiting to be executed by the captors. i was laying face down with a gun muzzle pressed up against my head, and my captor was joking and laughing sadistically, obviously drawing this out, and i was begging him just to make it quick and painless, which was the last thing he wanted to do!

but in dreams like this, there is often the implication that is is a Video Game. Thankfully I was transformed into a person on the Captors Team, where I quickly got out of the hut and tried to find the “console” so I could reset the “game”, and thought jeez, that guy’s a psycho.

Oh yeah I also saw girls3 and 7 in the series of dreams. girl 3 very briefly, so that didn’t really matter. but girl7…. i was in a mall or movie theater and bumped into her after a long time. I was fairly cool. She seemed more warm and wanting to hang out again. she gave me a link to her “dating website”. so it seemed she might be interested in the idea of “Dating”, but did she realize how easy it would be for me to fall back in luv with her. maybe she was just trying to sow her “wild oats” now that she was hugely successful in her career and had grown out of her asexuality…..but it didn’t necessarily mean she wanted a serious relship like I did with her, she just wanted some D; however I also have my rule of thumb, that if you have a change to bang a girl, you should TAKE IT.

because even if you are in total luv with the grill, banging her hard will guarantee you MORE bangs in the future, and will show masculinity, which will make the gurl more into you, so you can reach your goal of wedded bliss with this Special Angelic Gurl that you’re in Luv with for some biochemical reason.

for example, i wanted to bang girl7 at least 500 times.gurls you’re not in luv with, you onyl want to bang 10, 20, maybe 50 times at the max. but not her! she was special! she was different! because i was in luv with her!

yes i really was. no fake.