ABJECT HUMILIATION AND DISAPPOINTMENT

apr 24

so the story. recently i remember the ABJECT HUMILIATION it was for me and muh fam for me to get Muh DUI, the fam finding out I was sitting in JAIL, muh fam coming to BAIL ME OUT. JEEZUM CROW. Just the HUMILIATION and the DISAPPOINTMENT was so strong, and that memory so strong, that it continues to make me never want to drink again at all.

some might say, well its been almost FIVE YEARS, you’ve done well, don’t you think you could drink again in moderation?

Probably, YES. but that’s not the point. the point is the humiliation and disappointment. i can’t ever go through THAT again.

yes, I SHOULD be more concerned about killing innocent people on the road. but the end result is the same, me not drinking.

ANYWAY, the related story (in addition to the HUMILIATION and DISAPPOINTMENT):

I remember sitting on a bench after getting out of the cell and getting ready to leave, getting bailed out, and as I was on the bench, the House Arrest Employee came in to put a house arrest bracelet on one leg, and an alcohol monitoring SCRAM bracelet on the other leg.

the main thing I remember there was how profane and vulgar and crude the Employee was, ie his language was FILTHY: “OK, so this f00kin thing is the f00kin scram, it like f00kin reads your f00kin skin to see if youve been f00kin drinkin or sh1t, so dont f00king drink ok, cuz this f00kin thing will know and tell our f00kin computer and then youll get in f00kin trouble. and this other f00kin sh1t is the f00kin house f00kin arrest one, so you can’t f00king fook leave your f00kin house and f00kin sh1t.”

He wasn’t directly mean or insulting to me, the only things he said was just describing the function of the bracelets, but my GOD, the WAY he described them!!!

I wasn’t sure if that is part of the “scaring straight” deterrent method of law enforcement, or just the way he talked, or if his boss Coached him to talk like that. And why couldn’t his boss Coach him to be more drill seargenty to the actual person, like “YOU f00king drunk loser, you idiot, don’t drink, you f00kin fa466ot,” but nothing like that.

anyway. i thought about having HIS job. I wouldn’t use all those swear words simply because I think it makes you sound stupid, I am not a huge Swearer myself, although I certainly CAN be.

might just be a Middle Class affectation, I definitely swear much less than The Average PROLE, hehehehe.

how about you?

but yeah his job would suck. not sure if it would be stressful per se, hehehe.

but that was more amusing than anything, and was a prelude to the crushing HUMILIATION and DISAPPOINTMENT I felt and which I never want to feeeel dat feel again, and would rather never drink again than feel that feel.

ok fine i’ll take the dam job hehehe. stress be damned. give me all the stress in the world. i will just keep showing up like a anal wart. i’ll say listen, you don’t like me, well then demote me to the back, so i’m a huge disappointment to you, then stick me in the back with the thais, hehehehe. i’m not gonna no call no show like a coward, loser, weakling, or n199er.

i have at least one guaranteed friend there, and the two women i met in the front office were very nice and friendly.

so what, is he making me wait, like i made him wait for a few hours before I called him? I was deep in worrisome thought, weighing the pros and cons, doing 180s!!!!! he’s GOT a job, and a dam good one at that! not sure if he has an MBA. I know he has a CPA, however you can be a CPA without having a Masters. I think the MAcc is a step above CPA??

I took THREE accounting classes, b1tches! got an A in all of them! Accounting 1, 2, and Accounting Software Use!!!

obv, what i’m worried about is that i will get the job and it will be EVEN WORSE than my current job, which I am starting to think is not so bad, hehehe.

so what do i do THEN???

then i gotta REALLY dig deep in the Social Network. REAL deep.

could i get back in at my current employer? MAYBE. Possibly Maybe, not a Definite Maybe. It’s not like i left them on Bad Terms! It was pretty GOOD terms!

how about you?

heh. it’s not all about me me me me me me me.

heh. I would not mind moving to Poland, Hungary, Czech, Slovak, something in that area. maybe even Romania. if super desperate Bulgaria. but pref those first four. western eastern europe.

heh. like i say, i am running out of friends who can help me out, if this job sucks.

well of COURSE it’s going to SUCK! it’s a JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THIS is why you force you kids to get REAL sucky jobs at age 16: mcd’s, walmart, restaurants. I had a job at that time, but it was an easy fluff sissy job. oh well, better than no job i guess.

heh. maybe he deleted my voice mail accidentally, or it didn’t go through or register. but i saw the phones, they are the same fancy business phones they have everywhere. the place is not total podunk, it has been around for many years, is actually pretty LARGE, i can only imagine how much money the Owner, who I spoke with today, makes. Probably more than a Docker or a Lawyer. good god. it is intimidating to talk to SuperRich Entrepreneurs. Huge Winners.

Of course I can only respect a person with that strong of a force of will. Just a Hardcore, Hard Nosed Business Owner. He SHOULD be serious and intimidating. He has Real Power.

heh. back to writing 3 posts in 1 day.

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