apr 24

so the story. recently i remember the ABJECT HUMILIATION it was for me and muh fam for me to get Muh DUI, the fam finding out I was sitting in JAIL, muh fam coming to BAIL ME OUT. JEEZUM CROW. Just the HUMILIATION and the DISAPPOINTMENT was so strong, and that memory so strong, that it continues to make me never want to drink again at all.

some might say, well its been almost FIVE YEARS, you’ve done well, don’t you think you could drink again in moderation?

Probably, YES. but that’s not the point. the point is the humiliation and disappointment. i can’t ever go through THAT again.

yes, I SHOULD be more concerned about killing innocent people on the road. but the end result is the same, me not drinking.

ANYWAY, the related story (in addition to the HUMILIATION and DISAPPOINTMENT):

I remember sitting on a bench after getting out of the cell and getting ready to leave, getting bailed out, and as I was on the bench, the House Arrest Employee came in to put a house arrest bracelet on one leg, and an alcohol monitoring SCRAM bracelet on the other leg.

the main thing I remember there was how profane and vulgar and crude the Employee was, ie his language was FILTHY: “OK, so this f00kin thing is the f00kin scram, it like f00kin reads your f00kin skin to see if youve been f00kin drinkin or sh1t, so dont f00king drink ok, cuz this f00kin thing will know and tell our f00kin computer and then youll get in f00kin trouble. and this other f00kin sh1t is the f00kin house f00kin arrest one, so you can’t f00king fook leave your f00kin house and f00kin sh1t.”

He wasn’t directly mean or insulting to me, the only things he said was just describing the function of the bracelets, but my GOD, the WAY he described them!!!

I wasn’t sure if that is part of the “scaring straight” deterrent method of law enforcement, or just the way he talked, or if his boss Coached him to talk like that. And why couldn’t his boss Coach him to be more drill seargenty to the actual person, like “YOU f00king drunk loser, you idiot, don’t drink, you f00kin fa466ot,” but nothing like that.

anyway. i thought about having HIS job. I wouldn’t use all those swear words simply because I think it makes you sound stupid, I am not a huge Swearer myself, although I certainly CAN be.

might just be a Middle Class affectation, I definitely swear much less than The Average PROLE, hehehehe.

how about you?

but yeah his job would suck. not sure if it would be stressful per se, hehehe.

but that was more amusing than anything, and was a prelude to the crushing HUMILIATION and DISAPPOINTMENT I felt and which I never want to feeeel dat feel again, and would rather never drink again than feel that feel.

ok fine i’ll take the dam job hehehe. stress be damned. give me all the stress in the world. i will just keep showing up like a anal wart. i’ll say listen, you don’t like me, well then demote me to the back, so i’m a huge disappointment to you, then stick me in the back with the thais, hehehehe. i’m not gonna no call no show like a coward, loser, weakling, or n199er.

i have at least one guaranteed friend there, and the two women i met in the front office were very nice and friendly.

so what, is he making me wait, like i made him wait for a few hours before I called him? I was deep in worrisome thought, weighing the pros and cons, doing 180s!!!!! he’s GOT a job, and a dam good one at that! not sure if he has an MBA. I know he has a CPA, however you can be a CPA without having a Masters. I think the MAcc is a step above CPA??

I took THREE accounting classes, b1tches! got an A in all of them! Accounting 1, 2, and Accounting Software Use!!!

obv, what i’m worried about is that i will get the job and it will be EVEN WORSE than my current job, which I am starting to think is not so bad, hehehe.

so what do i do THEN???

then i gotta REALLY dig deep in the Social Network. REAL deep.

could i get back in at my current employer? MAYBE. Possibly Maybe, not a Definite Maybe. It’s not like i left them on Bad Terms! It was pretty GOOD terms!

how about you?

heh. it’s not all about me me me me me me me.

heh. I would not mind moving to Poland, Hungary, Czech, Slovak, something in that area. maybe even Romania. if super desperate Bulgaria. but pref those first four. western eastern europe.

heh. like i say, i am running out of friends who can help me out, if this job sucks.

well of COURSE it’s going to SUCK! it’s a JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THIS is why you force you kids to get REAL sucky jobs at age 16: mcd’s, walmart, restaurants. I had a job at that time, but it was an easy fluff sissy job. oh well, better than no job i guess.

heh. maybe he deleted my voice mail accidentally, or it didn’t go through or register. but i saw the phones, they are the same fancy business phones they have everywhere. the place is not total podunk, it has been around for many years, is actually pretty LARGE, i can only imagine how much money the Owner, who I spoke with today, makes. Probably more than a Docker or a Lawyer. good god. it is intimidating to talk to SuperRich Entrepreneurs. Huge Winners.

Of course I can only respect a person with that strong of a force of will. Just a Hardcore, Hard Nosed Business Owner. He SHOULD be serious and intimidating. He has Real Power.

heh. back to writing 3 posts in 1 day.



apr 24

yeah buddy. so now i have convinced myself from no to yes.

i mean, how can you say NO to a Full Time Permanent JOB that pays at least one dollar more per hour?

WHAT IF they take my Minimum Requirement, and offer me fifty cents LESS, which would still be fifty cents MORE than my current wage?

how firm am I on that minimum? pretty firm, considering I would ideally like at LEAST one dollar more than THAT. I should have given them a higher minimum!

HOWEVER, with my current job, I get laid off at LEAST eight weeks per year, and that is the big benefit of new job, is, no layoff. and they really want a long-term guy. heh I would like to BE a long term guy. so I would be making several thousand dollars more per year, which is nothing to sneeze at.

HOWEVER, I’m not AS desperate as I was before getting my current job. Back when I was a part time total loser.

so the commute is not that bad IF there’s no traffic. and even the morning rush hour traffic was not as bad as I thought. and there is nice safe parking.

besides my current job was/is stressful as F00K, it couldn’t get much worse, if i can handle that, i can handle anything, even a f00king restaurant.

so i figured i would call him back, tell him my concerns honestly about the “timid” part, and see what he says about pay. certainly the CEO has given him a range to Negotiate with me.

and i was serious about that minimum. heck i’m not getting paid enough at my current job!!!

but you figure ALL jobs are ridiculously stressful for the first 3 months. RIDIC stressful.

and if i say completely botch the job, there are several departments there and maybe they could find something for someone so Timid, hehehehe. or put me in that job they thought i was too good for, hehehe.

not like my current job where it is basically just one big department and nowhere else to go, nothing else to do.

damn. if i could just start as an assistant. i just don’t know enough to work magic. at current job we have to tell people no that can’t be done all the time. who we are dealing with are not necessarily “clients” but well employees. we are serving employees who in turn serve The Clients. with this new job, you serve the clients more directly. not customers like in a restaurant, but Clients which you have to Nurture Relationships with, and I would be part of that nurturing, by telling the Guys In Back to do the impossible. Huh?

heh just thinking about this is stressful hehehe.

all jobs are stressful. Work IS Stress.

But its better than being a jobless bum hehehe.

by whose standards. hewhehehe hue ue hue hue.

well by all standards. you can show your face in public with all the other employeds. also, kinda hard to bnag grillz if you’re unemployed.

well might as well call him back before I lose my cool and change my mind again.

FFFFUUUUUUUUUU i called him and he was away from desk, i left him voice mail saying to call me back.

so now i wait nervously hehehe for a phone call. which is similar to my Current JOb, only there, i don’t know WHO is going to be calling, or WHAT they are going to want.

don’t forget to negotiate for a high wage, hahaha. well just be HONEST with him and tell him my true concerns: that i am not The Bulldog Type, I can certainly learn to be moar aggressive but it will take time.

and i am going to need extra direction early on.

well learning not to be timid is a good life skill to have, this is just the LORD giving me an opportunity to do so.

heh. i am a much nicer and better and smarter and kinder person than my resume makes me out to be. heh. I did REAL good in high school, I did average in college, and I’ve done REAL BAD in Work. Just pretend I am 17 years old and just graduated high school!!!!! I am that same guy, just “s0mewhat” older.

jeez. i called this guy an HOUR ago.  heh. i can’t even relax while waiting. well, i’ve calmed down a little.

maybe i actually need to start JOGGING again. as a way of relieving stress I mean. Might do that more effectively than walking, but walking is way more fun.

when it is warm enough for tshirt and shorts, ie 60 and above, I would try jogging, been trying that the past 2 years or so. I think I started it as a way to Impress Girl7, so I could tell I went for a Brisk Jog earlier, as a Subtle Hint that I Take Care Of Myself. Didn’t work, hehehe.

Anyway. when you are stressed out about WORK, you lose your entire SEX DRIVE, and you can’t enjoy the things you enjoy, like your fav tv show or something. or this political vlogger I like.

anyway CLEARLY being Laid Off is bad for muh mental health, and this job has no layoffs. However I WOULD like a mental health day once in a while. once a month, hehehe.

or i would have been ok with maybe a one or two week layoff, just to chill the f out. but 8 week minimum layoff has turned me into a lazy loser just as bad as I was before!!!!!!!

so there is a new veterans affairs .gov website with a MILITARY SKILLS TRANSLATOR to help veterans Learn To Speak Civilian Business and get hired. JEEZUM CROW. WTF. Veterans with TONS of OBVIOUS skills need a TRANSLATOR to learn how to talk to Civilian Managers????? I don’t think so.

Heh. is there a medication that takes away On The Job Stress.

I know there is a Nonsedative Anxiety Med called Buspar or Buspirone. I actually tried it like…..4 years ago. it didn’t do anything for me so I quit it. However I have much more stress now, hehehe.

i honestly can’t remember if I tried that med before or after Quitting Drinking. Before Alcohol and After Alcohol are two big stages in my life.

How About You?

fun drinking/jail story coming next….


june 22 2014

damn. lemme let you all in on a little secret, things are gonna POP OFF real soon here. get SWITCHED ON. hahahaha.

sh1t is about to GET REAL.

in fact you could say it already has!

wait for it……

get a video camera and basic make your own tv show about your life. reality tv show. only instead of being idiotic and decadent, it would be smart and fun and you would show what a boss you are.

talk about your opinions and beliefs. show yourself driving and walking around to get your environment in there. interview your friends and strangers. take it with you especially when you do something fun and get the fun thing on video.

take it on dates, take it to your job. talk to your boss and coworkers. talk to your family.

if you have a Smart Phone, you probably already have a video camera.

i would actually like to start doing this real soon, so i can get some good footage during the summer.

yes you are allowed to talk about your political opinions! talk about anything you want!

and then you can start a youtube channel and after a while edit together the greatest hits for a documentary. then get rich and get some pv$$ay.

right now eating some regular skittles. really picked the right candy today. the trick is not too many skittles and feel weird from all the sugar and HFCS poisoning you.

also enjoying the quintessential summer drink, iced tea mixed with code blue mt dew. think it needs more mt dew.

you can’t enjoy iced tea or any of the fine iced tea drinks such as this during the winter!

all the more reason to move to a region in the south with no winter. some people like the seasons but i’m done with the seasons.

i recently came up with a great test to see if you are really in luv with a gril, or if you don’t really love her and are with her out of lonely desperation:

would you give a whole-hearted attempt to do a long distance rel with the woman if she moved 75 miles away, or not? 50 miles? 25 miles? 10 miles? hehehe. or does she live less than 5 miles away and you still try to hang out with her as little as possible. but if she moves 100 miles away, your first thought is a desperate “no problem! we can still make this work! yeah! we can do it! I can do it!”


but if you’re like, yeah i really don’t want to drive 50 miles one way just to see her, this would be a GREAT opportunity to end this. then there’s your answer.

so, many women suck and some will do sucky things to you, but you have to rise above.

i really don’t know why i am worried about this, i haven’t done anything sucky to women in YEARS. girl7 i handled as best as i could given the weird situation, namely us working together hehehehe. i had to wait until that situation changed before i Made Muh Move.  and i handled the rejection very well actually. never forget. did not do any bad karma sucky stuff to her to make her pay or anything. just turned the page like a normalfag.

ok funny story time. i was 22 and quasi, pseudo, pre dating girl3. in luv. i never even banged her, just made out with her and cuddled like crazy, had some Finger Fun. but that’s not officially Sechs. She never even S’ed my D.

anyway she was rejecting me. I was being a beta niceguy bad karma and convinced her to start making out with me again after about a month. i was so desperate to be with her i said yeah we should be able to date other people, we’re just keeping this casual and having fun!! and i knew she was hanging out with her “x” boifran. but i was so desperate I would prefer to have her date the both of us, than to not be able to be with her at ALL.

now, some mature adults can handle an “open relationship”, but i certainly wasn’t ready for it. i would have much preferred to have a monog dating thing. but we weren’t even really “dating”. so. it’s just having fun with people. right.

and then i would get real passive aggressive with her, and try to hang out with her too much, or make butthurt remarks about her boifran, making it obvious that i did not like her dating him and i wanted her all to myself. very possessive, hehehe.

and, not surprisingly, she dumped me altogether and went to him fully. and i of course was still butthurt and still made bad karma remarks to her, often while drunk.

one time i went to a party at her house, when i should have just stayed home. it was a big party and it was possible she wouldn’t even be there. but i both wanted to see her and not see her. maybe pick up some gurls right in front of her, hehehe.

i was getting RAAAAGING drunk. my friends came out of The Dancing Room and said they saw her in there. I couldn’t bring myself to go in there. I left soon after, thank god.

if i had gone in there and saw her, i prob would have made a fool of myself to her, felt horrible, drank until i puked and passed out, woke up the next day feeling horrible, maybe send an apology email that she would not answer, feel bad about it, and have more bad karma still. so i am grateful i did not go in there and see her.

true story, hehehehe.

and though being passive aggressive and b1tchy was bad karma, it really was nowhere near as bad as it could have been. if i were a real woman-hater i would have beat her!

well i did throw an empty beer can on top of her car and also delivered her a note with a cartoon of her drawn as a witch saying she was a “bad girl.”

that kind of stuff. with that stuff embarrassing myself and making myself look bad, i think i paid for the bad karma right away, no? i had no need to atone for it for years and yeeeeeeaaaarrrrsssss afterward!!!!

she became a successful phd, and i became an unemployable loser who refused to get a masterz degree, and never came that close to actual true luv ever again, hahahaha.

how about you?

no, she really did get a phd, hehehe. and i really did never get that close to true luv ever again, in the sense that i never cuddled or made out or even pre-pseudo-dated any of the later gurls i was in luv with. the end!


apr 23

oy vey. anyway. this new job is diff from my current job because newjob is an entire headquarters of a company, with all its departments, right there on the grounds. current job is one fraction of one department of a huuuge corporation, with a ton of people in a huge intimidating noisy room. so getting out of that environment would be good.

however i would be dealing with more departments. lots of “running around”. well, i already do a lot of mental running around dealing with the MILLIONS of potential problems faced by our one department. oftentimes being faced with stuff that really is Not Our Responsibility, but doing it anway.

if they start asking me awkward questions about The Many Mistakes I’ve Made, I’ll just reframe it and say, can’t make an omelet without breaking a few eggs, can’t succeed until you’ve failed a few times and conquered your fear of failure, can’t win if you’re afraid to lose, and, as my record shows, I’m DEFINITELY not afraid to lose! I also know how to spell definitely.

well, if i’m not WINNING enough for you, I will go back to my Full Time Job then. it’s not like this is an Elite Middle Class Employer. Strictly Upper Working Class. they can’t get Middle Class Career Masterz Degree Tryhards.

but they can get nonlazy people who are willing to show initiative and work hard, hehehehe.

one thing that can really motivate that, is having kids, which causes you to Man Up, Do The Right Thing, Grow Up, and Work a Nonglamorous Working Class Job Job, rather than some non-breeding Middle Class Collegefag what wants a Careeeeeeeeer.

in this case, lying and saying that you have a young kid or kids may help you, it makes you look more reliable, someone who will show up every day, not no call no show, than some single person who can just hop on a train and leave.

ok what i did was make a “ONE SHEETER”  where I listed some of the most common int questions i could think of, and then my perfect answer, and then squeezed basically everything i need to know for the interview on to one sheet of paper. with .2 margins, size 8 font, like a math exam cheat sheet. and then I will bring that one sheet in with me. and also a res, CL, recent classes transcript, and 2 whole ref letters.

apr 24

well i did the interview, it was me and the owner/CEO, and then the CFO, who, not sure if he is #2 in power, but certainly damn close. manages the money son, and prob has authority to hire and fire anyone.

CEO was a very no nonsense man in mid/late sixties. I tried to show confidence and looked him straight in the eye.  He did do a few things to try to put me at ease, so i appreciated that. but he also was very clear that the job was not for the timid. reiterated that point a lot. hammered that point home.

and that was what gave me the most pause, because i am very totes timid as f00k.

HOWEVER they liked me enough that getting the job is a very real possibility, in fact maybe about 75% certainty lets say.

in fact my gut reaction was to run far away, chose “the devil I know” over “the devil I don’t know”, even though I was saying the opposite thing yesterday.

they are still deciding how much money to offer me. I told them my current wage, and then gave them my desired wage, which was one dollar more.

to be really convinced/sold, I would like one dollar more than THAT!!!!!!

there were two positions available, high stress and low stress. the ceo guided me towards the high stress one, as being more apropos for a kollige edumacated intellectual such as muhself.

in fact they came right in talking about the high stress one, then i had to interrupt to say, but I thought another position was on the table too. then he said well yes there is, and continued to steer me towards the original one.

they wanted to move me out of there quick, but they also seemed to like me, with the CEO saying something like “you’re a fine young man” which is probably a good sign, and even if not, at the very least it is polite.

i did not get much time to splain how I was not super aggressive. like I say, they were in a hurry. but they also sent signals that they felt good about me. the #2 guy told me to call him today, and i have been back and forth ever since.

first thought was umm no, i don’t want more stress, and I was just starting to get the hang of my current job, it was starting to possibly become less stressful.

then, how much would they have to pay me for me to take this job? heck once I saw how stressful my current job was, I wanted more money.

so i expressed my concerns to muh friend who got me the interview, and he seemed to kinda push me towards the job, when I was expecting something from him like “yeah that job might not be your style”. but instead more like “I think you would do a good job and should go for it.”

so there’s that, which does count for something.

so then I called the guy back with the plan of expressing my concern, asking a few more questions, being honest about my Personality, finding more about the pay, seeing if he could offer anything to ease my mind.

Which was better than my immediate plan, which was to call him and say NO THANKS.

So I have come a long way in the past few hours hehehe. and then when i finally called him, he was out to lunch, not suprising cuz it is around lunchtime, so i said i’ll call back in an hour.

and now I am typing here trying to figure it all out maaaaann. to be continued….


june 22. 2014. getting real close here.

its all about stories. stories stories stories. find stories wherever you can. turn everything into a storie.

ok. here is a perfect example of the old friend i got back together with after lke 7 years. great guy. have a mancrush on him. have got to see him more often.

anyway he has just become even more impressive over the years with his personality.

we just got into town late at night and didn’t want to go right to bed, so naturally getting some beer at the store was ideal. i of course do not drink but i could not blame them for wanting some beer after our road trip was over.

we walked to a gas station with beer 10 minute walk away. the place was locked and you could not go in, you had to do everything thru the window. i guess you could tell the guy to get you a soda or something.

he said he could not sell us beer. meanwhile another guy with our group was showing great social skills of his own, and asked some black women who had pulled in for gas, if they had any w33d. got any w33d, he said. and continued to joke charmingly with them. good social skills.

it was about 11pm and not much was open on a wednes (or thurs?) nite.

we got in the rental car and went to a huge 711 about a 5 minute drive away. there was beer in the fridge but those fridge doors were locked. a sign on the door said state law said that alcohol could not be sold after….10 o clock? or 12 midnight? i won’t tell you what state we were in. just that my home state, you can buy booze at the store right up until 2 am.

i pointed out the sign and said, yep it looks like it is a state law. looks like we’re screwed unless you can get beer at a bar.

my social friend i’m telling the story about went to the cashier and asked him, who clarified it was a state law and we could not buy beer after midnight. but they could serve us at the bar until 2 am closing time.

we left the 711 empty handed and saw 2 cop cars next to us, and some cops going in for coffee and donuts, hehehe.

i joked with my friend, why don’t you use your secret ninja social skills to convince the cop to rise above the law and buy some beer after hours for us. just sweet talk the cop and get him to buy the beer for us. break the law for us.

because i was impressed with his social skills and wanted to continue to test him to see if he would do it.

and i was shocked when he agreed to go back in there and talk to the cop. i could never do that!

we watched him with amazement. i studied his body language. we couldn’t hear him obviously, but could see him thru the window. he had strong, confident, but non threatening, non shady body language.

well the cop did not buy him beer, but just explained to him the state law that the cashier had already mentioned. cop also said we could not get into a bar after 1 am. that bars stop taking people in after 1, but can serve the people inside till 2.

i think it was about 1 am by that time? we drove to a bar right down the street from where we were staying. there was a bunch of people outside smoking, as you cannot smoke indoors.

so i smoked yet another cigarette and watched the friend go in the bar. he did not get kicked out. then we went into the bar and did not get kicked out. they drank beers till 2 am and we had to leave.

the end. cool story bro.

the main idea is, it was AMAZING how I dared him to go in to talk to the cop, AND HE DID. that is what good social skills and confidence can do for you. imagine what it can do with the ladies! and that is why he banged girl8 like 900000 times and i can only dream of her, hehehehehehe.

so i tried to study his style like a hawk and to learn from him.

i was watching tv late on a saturday night because i don’t hang out with gurls hehehe and i thought, i watch too much tv unfortunately, and i have seen 90000000 hours of commercials, and i hate commercials even more than i hate regular tv, AND I concluded that I had never bought something BECAUSE of a commercial. never has a tv commercial persuaded me to buy anything. or certainly not more than .01% of the money i have ever spent on things.

then i thought, well, the commercials would not be there if they were not profitable to the company. so enough people must buy enough sh1t because of these tv ads, that the companies make a profit and can afford to spend MILLIONS of dollars a year on tv ads.

so these ads must generate EXTRA sales that cover the cost of these ads, right?????

without the tv ads, the company would still sell stuff, right????

well obviously they make more money even spending on ads, becuase the ads still bring in a profit.

then i thought, well, it’s the companies paying the tv companies to show these ads. then we as the consumers buy stuff from the companies and give them money that way.

but who owns the tv networks? well stuff like comedy central and cartoon network are part of entertainment conglomerates like viacom and time warner and all that, right? evil  media masters, lords of lies, etc, of course.

but what about the actual infrastructure, the backbone, the sattelites, the hardware, transmitters and receivers and cables and such. who owns that. i know the govt is involved somehow, like the FCC, but how much?

how much is viacom paying them? who owns what?

and I was a bit frustrated that i didn’t know the answers to those very basic Business Questions. might have to get a masterz degree now, hhahahahaha.


april 22

if i get this new job, i guess i can tell you what my current job is. or what my previous job was. well, i have already given enough info for the astute observer, and i am too smart to EVER give the company names EVER.

i guess i could move into an apartment much closer to this job. know the perfect neighborhood. not too expensive, and filled with early 20s sluts in the party phase. It’s a SIGN!!!!

I want to bang kimmy from full house. HOW ABOUT YOU?

anyway I will be too stressed out for the next three months to bang a grill, even a drunk one. uhh may june july. well, the girls will still be partying during august and september, which are summery enough. as long as I bang one or two grills then, I can WITHSTAND a bangless winter until summer again.


No problem mon, I can withstand many bangless YEARS and I can WITHSTAND a couple more. Although I would LIKE to bang some 18 year olds before I turn 40.

got my 4.8 miles of walking in today. NOICE. you should try to do this too. Walking 4.8 miles per day is the easiest and funnest form of exercise. Jogging is for huge f4990+5.

had a dream and this gurl i used to work with was innit. i haven’t seen her in about 2 years. she was cute but i always had an excuse, plus i was too focused on girl7, and this other girl was too stumpy, or didn’t have a good enough 4ss, bla bla bla. but occasionally she will show up in a dream and I will regret not at least trying with her, even though i didn’t even WANT to try at the time, I barely even NOTICED her.  now, she’s not cute enough that I’d Retroactively make her a numbered girl, like Girl8, who btw I might strip that number away from. anyway this other was not quite that good looking, but she is still cuter than I realized at the time, and a decent person, and well worth not just banging, but making out with, which, for average older women, is a nonstarter.

apr 23

heh back to the prayers to allay the anxiety. great old feeling, i remember it well, dat feel. although this is a bit more exciting because it is completely new. “the devil you know vs the devil you don’t” is A Thing, and in this case, I might prefer the devil I DONT know.

New Job Opp. Damn. Almost assuming I WILL get the job, interesting assumption. in the past I would go in for interviews and NEVER get the job. which make me discouraged and give up searching, which is NOT good and should NOT be mentioned, hehehe, in fact, you SHOULD say just the Opposite: “You got to fail to win, you can’t be afraid to fail, it should just make you more determined to win, to pick yourself up, learn from your mistakes, and try again and again until you succeed” and that’s what you should say during an interview.

now, the opposite happened with me, but since you can’t Legally PROVE Discouragement thru Concrete EVIDENCE, then you CAN lie about it, and thus lie you SHOULD.

Besides now muh communication skills are somewhat better, and when I know a person in the company, I have an edge.

so i am smart and capable, but by FAR my biggest weakness is Anxiety and Stress, Freaking Out Emotionally when Inundated With Issues At Work, turning into Deer In Headlights, one step away from Running Out Crying like a B1tch.

so you fake confidence, because they don’t know you, you can fake being a normalfag, and they don’t really know you’re a huge omega spaghetti pockets autist virgin wizard, and then in three months, you are GOLDEN as they used to say.

so i just shaved my huge UnemploymentBeard to look more presentable, professional, and employable. I enjoyed my Beard and Mourn its loss.

Heh. I would really like a BIG pay raise to compensate for the fact that the commute is TWICE as long, and goes thru many congested freeways, and goes thru Bad Urban Neighborhoods where if the car breaks down, I WILL be robbed, raped, tortured, and killed, in the Ungodly Lawless War Zone. This is not a Good Middle Class City like Chicago or New York. But a REAL city, where you see some Grim, Ugly Realities which the Posh Middle Class likes to pretend don’t even exist.

So, talk like a Smart Normalfag, use smart words and full sentences and just sound smart and confident, and talk to the people like people, and if they Push Back, then I can Push Back by saying, well LISTEN, I already HAVE a job that I’m going back to (true fact), I’m just shopping around right now. You don’t like me FINE, I’ll go back to making XY$ an hour at my CURRENT job.

heh. they don’t need to know how lazy I’ve been during my last 7 weeks of layoff.

of course last night I laid awake worrying for like 90 minutes in the dark. that is always fun.

i was thinking that, after the actual interview, to go on Shadowing current Employees for a few hours, with Management’s Permission of course. Of course they don’t want me stealing Trade Secrets. Maybe they would let me Shadow My Friend. Part of Showing That I will try to Train Myself Off The Company Clock.

Like if you need to drive a Hilo, pay an employee to train you before or after your own shift.

How much is TOO much to Work Off The Clock? What A Stupid Question! You should be working at LEAST X hours off the clock Every Single Week! And to think, the lazier employees want to make OVERTIME for that time, and you are willing to do it for FREE! Gives you a Big Advantage.


june 22

so we all know you gotta Work On Yourself and Be At A Good Place before you are Fit for a Good Relationship. You don’t need to be 100% Perfect, but you definitely gotta be well above 50% perfect.

my question is, do you gotta be above 75% perfect or not?

how perfect do you have to be to pull a good mate where you are happy enough with them to be in luv with them and marry them? and have them not be a total “toxic” piece of crap?

or ugly as sin?

i am thinking about this stuff even more than usual cuz i was at a wedding lately. i had never met the guy’s wife before but she was really nice. not ugly. funny, nice, and smart. her job doesn’t matter but she had a bretty good job in case you were wondering. so he got a real good deal in other words. picked – and PULLED – a good one.

of course, he is pretty good with the ladies in general. very social, has had plenty of experience, more wild oats than even normalfags can imagine. confidence, good social skills, not a niceguy supplicator, etc.

so it worked out well, good couple.

so no one is perfect, but how close to perfect do you have to be to pull and keep a mate you are satisfied with?

you can’t be a complete loser. gurls dump guys for being losers unless the gurls are deeply disturbed, no self esteem, etc.

like i think a big part of why girl7 rejected me was because i was/am a loser with no ambition, no career, not where i “should” be at my age, immature, etc.

can’t say exactly how much of a part, i mean part of it was her being asexual, and also maybe just plain not liking me that way regardless of how much of a loser or winner i might be.

who gives a sh1t, hehehe.

ok tomorrow gotta call my employer about job which starts again in early july. i will not be able to write AT ALL. good thing i got a sh1tload of posts backed up here and boy are you gonna start seeing them RIGHT NOW.

gotta call the dr tomorrow and see if they can rewrite my rx because right now i am having little 5 mg peices of paxil leftover, when i should be having 20 mg a day, and the 20 mg doesnt seem like it’s doing much. i need something stronger!

june 23

well today i gotta call the employer (actually, the hr/recruiting dept) AND call the docker. these are two under 3 minute calls any normalfag would not think twice of. want to do both of those before i do muh powerwalk.

you want to make friends, then look the person directly in the eye, not at their nose; agree with everything they say; be nice, and try to make jokes pointing out how right the person is. boom. done. instafrand.

this is it, readerz. loserz. it is getting real starting right now. you will see posting like you have never seen before, by the time you read these words, it will be on.

heh. this is the sour fruit of my job layoff period. but thankfully that will be coming to an end.

as you read the posts, realize they were written at all different dates and are in no particular order. that is why i put the date i wrote it in there just as soon as i start writing every day.

and then i shuffle em around like crazy.

i think its fun but it’s not perfect. i do wish it could be more chronological because that makes more sense to the brain.

but the cons have not outweighed the pros, like they have with wimmin, hehehehe.

ok. here ya go. so wimmin have the right to reject you. they prob don’t have the right to reject you in a b1tchy manner though. but even if they end up doing that, you don’t have the right to act b1tchy back to them. but you DO have the right to be angry and upset about it, and to calmly and coolly tell them that you’re upset and that you think what they did SUCKS. you have the right to STAND UP FOR YOURSELF. you always have that right! and you should use that right as much as possible. that is one of the best rights.

it took me a very long time to learn how to deal with rejection properly. i still have little confidence in this skill, often forget that i do have it, worry about how i will react the next time. but i do have it and am thus licensed to advise You.

basically, you can get mad, and you SHOULD stand up for yourself, but watch yourself, and calmly and coolly tell the person that you’re mad, that you think this sucks, and that they hurt you, and they should try not to hurt you so much. like how about a few more bangs before you leave, so you can get WEANED, hehehehe. so you know EXACTLY when the bangs will end, and pace yourself accordingly. i don’t think THAT’s too bad of karma!!!!

oh yeah. funny story of my recent trip. now this post will go over. sue me. so i am smoking a cig outside of the bar and we are in party central. blocks and blocks of bars with drunks stumbling through the streets, which are blocked off from traffic by groups of cops on foot. almost a mardi gras spring break style atmosphere, never saw that before. lots of cute gurls, lots of douchebag guys.

unfort lots of people are asking me for cigs and i am obliging them, just to get them to go away.

this one little manlet approaches me, i give him a cig, and he just doesn’t go away. he eventually asks for another cigaret. holding me hostage hehehe. when i should have just walked away. i didn’t WANT to talk. he wanted to talk, and to bust my balls, assert his alphaness over my betaness.

i couldn’t ascertain his tone at first, because at first he seemed quite nice, but a bit incoherent from drinking too much. he didn’t seem too threatening or annoying at first. plus i could barely hear him, i hate talking in these loud environments.

he said he worked in sales for a huge computer company that was located nearby and made 5k dollars the other day, in one day. he walked in there before graduating and said, hey i’m graduating from college and i need a job, motherf00kers, and they gave him one. and if i’m not making 70k a year, i should quit my job and move here.

how much do I make? do I make 70k a year? what am i, a programmer? you LOOK LIKE A PROGRAMMER.

i was like whoa whoa whoa this is getting weird. I told him the truth, no i was not a programmer. then i told him too much, because i was caught off guard. i am beneath a programmer. i am still in skool to become a programmer. which i kind of am, slowly chipping away at a compsci degree that i might finish by the time i’m 50.

and he is clearly younger than me and making 70k a year. he asked me if i made 70k a year. about that, i said. i’m happy. listen man, i’m just here from out of town for a wedding. i’ve never been here in my life, i don’t know what you’re talking about.

when i make nowhere near 70k a year, i am beneath a programmer, programmers laff at me like this guy laffs at programmers, because i make half what a programmer makes, hehehe.

i thought it was weird that great paying jobs were in such high supply there that this f4gg0t had one, and that he could afford to make fun of entry level programmers who only made 50k a year. all these f4gg0ts being at least 5 years younger than me, hehehe.

then he was talking about a drug bust by the DEA and how he was A LIBERTARIAN. i should have told him I was a Libertarian Conservative Racialist Nationalist Anarcho Capitalist, he might have liked that, but the damage was already done, I was already tired of him insulting me, and did not want to attempt an interesting political discussion with him at that time.

Because of his drunken incoherence and his nonaggressive tone, i couldn’t tell what his game was. did he know he was insulting me with all his talk of how much u make? he almost seemed like he didn’t know.

then i learned that what a lot of douchebags do sometimes when they want to bust your balls is that they come at you really nice, like hey buddy, hey buddy, nice shirt, what’s up friend, and then they act really friendly to set up you, and then finish it off with a backhanded compliment, or, even better, something really sarcastic, like how much do YOU make? or how hot was the last gurl YOU banged? or you ever have a threesome with two hot college gurls?

so i was unprepared for that. where they set you up with extreme friendliness, then close it off with extreme f4gg0try delivered in that friendly tone.

that sh1t is f00king weak. you are in your rights to call them a f00king f4gg0t right to there f00king face. then when they attack you, use j00 jitsu to quickly pin them in a submission hold on the ground, and tell them they like getting f00ked up the 4ss by their fathers. then smile and wave to the crowd of people watching, like a boss.

the end.