march 28. fri. still laid off. exactly 4 weeks ago was my last day of work. played a lot of cards today. got two tables right now. but the big thing today was: doing THREE tables at once. wow. that did not work out too well today.

THEN I looked up the Starting Hands Ranked By Expected Value. I thought of, well I know the top TEN hands, but what are the top TWENTY hands? I might like to expand into those.  so I found a list ranking ALL the possible 150ish starting hands, wrote down the Top Thirty, and have been looking at that sheet.  trying to make up the money I lost playing three tables.  heh. well, though I’m months away from breaking even, I’m even MORE months away from reaching my Yearly Gambling Loss Limit.  so uh that’s good news right.

i blame my laziness on the fact that I KNOW I will be going back to my job. This is actually really weird, this is not normal for people who get laid off.

yeah if I knew I wasn’t going back, then I swear I would be better about jobsearch. i just looked at indeed right now and yes I can guarantee that is exactly why i am not searching so hardcore. bc i KNOW I will be going back, i have a job waiting for me, and i am just on “vacation” right now.

sheeeeeeit you should have saw my sweet flush get raeped by a guy with QUADS. and then I lost like 10 chips and went from being way ahead to way behind at that table.  I cannot tell you how many times I have been raept by QUADS, yet I have never got them ever. About once every two days at LEAST I get CLEANED OUT by QUADS.

hue hue hue.

heh when I get Quads I will prob get beaten by a Straight Flush, hehehe. I don’t think I’ve EVER seen even ONE of those in all my hours at the tables.

OK got muh list now, of top 30 starting hands ranked by Expected Value. Obviously will be more likely to fold those lower on the list.

ARIZE CHIKUN! is a funny meme they say in the Litecoin community, about the price of Litecoin going “TO THE MOON.” CHIKUN ARIZE!

sunday march 30

well about to go to church. it’s not bad, but it’s not great. needless to say i like it more than the avg atheist marxist successful professional, who worships the Self and the Gummint!

When I was Working muh stressful job, I was desperate for relief every day, and said COUNTLESS Hail Marys: tonnes while driving, while walking up there, while in the bathroom, while smoking a cig outside, any time while not in the office, and sometimes even when I was in the office, before muh first call of the day, or just between calls.

and the bad news is that I stopped saying all those hail marys altogether! huge dropoff!

So I would like to do that right now, and start the day being THANKFUL for the ridiculous amount of good things I do have: Nice family, Nice home, pretty good financial position, nice friends, a job waiting for me in 4 weeks, plenty of food and warmth, a nice bed to sleep in, a nice computer to type on and play poker hehehe, a f00king CAR, jeez.

The problem with SOME lazy losers is, once they start going down this list and see how abundant it is, they think, I DON’T DESERVE THIS! Well at least I think about that! Then you think about what a loser you are, and how you should have taken that privilege and done so much more with it, and Shame Spiral! hehehe.

well, BE THAT AS IT MAY, the POINT of The Current Exercise is SIMPLY to JUST be thankful, and just cut it off after that. Don’t let the Thankfulness lead to a Shame Spiral! (I think I am stealing that from Stuart Smalley; Al Franken is a horrible marxist but that character and movie is classic and great)

because we don’t want you to associate The Good Thing of Being Thankful, with the Bad Thing of Bad Feels!

Guilt and Shame are a Good Thing, but losers like us can take it way too far. For example, a woman being a huge slut and riding the c0ck carousel and having a high number and being promiscuous is something you SHOULD be ashamed of. But if you have wasted years being ashamed of not succeeding enough to justify all the privileges that you are thankful for, then that kind of shame has stopped being useful long ago.

so i am thankful for nice friends, which some autist introvert r9k friendless virgins don’t even have, or they’re always having stupid “Drama” and stress with their so-called friends, where it’s a stressful competition for popularity and pvssy. HALE NO. Whatever happened to just Enjoying Each Other’s Company? So I spent some very quality time with my Frand recently, and all we did was make racist and sexist jokes and play call of duty for hours and hours, and that was wonderful.

Also, if your experiences with your “Friends” are largely you worrying and stressing out about you Measuring Up, an COmpeting, worrying about them thinking you’re a loser, then those people aren’t your friends, and you should stop hanging out with them immediately, and it is better to be alone.

OR, if some of those people have potential, hang out with those people individually so you can get a better read on them to see if they actually LIKE you, or if you’re just paranoid and only THINK people don’t like you.

ONLY hang out with people who genuinely LIKE you, in other words.

The caveat here and I will talk more later, is when you hang out with a Large Group of Friends, then there is a Group Dynamic which makes it hard to know what each person is like individually. One person’s decency might be overshadowed by another person’s douchebagness.

Also, Woe Betide You if there is a young Woman in that group that you fancy. Because then when she rejects you and bangs all the other guys in the Social Group, you will be right there to have your face rubbed in it, and she’ll parade around like she’s in the right, and you’re the douchebag with the problem. BEWARE! of Social Groups with Cute Young Women involved.