i cannot believe i used to get up and go to WORK for many hours every day. now after 3 weeks of layoff, I am back to zero energy, and can barely get up to watch tv or go for a powerwalk! and i am drinking more coffee than I did when I was working! and also staying up a little later.
anyway. who cares. i dont! just going to go with the flow. if i don’t have energy, then i don’t have energy. big deal.
had a weird dream last night where I was having a huge party with family and friends, and there was just a huge amount of people, way more people than there actually are in these groups. there was an “open orgy” side of the party, understood it was going to be relegated to one particular region, but it started seeping over and offending the squares. unfortunately I could not get any action out the orgy. the only people that were showing any interest in me were gay men. I was not interested. I left the orgy section and then I saw a girl I used to be in love with on the other side. Girl 4. I was happy she was not defiling herself like a wh0re on the orgy side. unfortunately she was in a really bitchy mood and did not want to hang out with me, much like in real life, hahahaha.
i went back to the orgy side and found some other girls a bit closer to it, but still not getting involved. i started getting flirtatious with one of the girls, a cute tiny little girl who I had a “mini crush” on many years ago, but who never became a full-blown numbered girl, but possibly could have if I had hung out with her more. but just as she started warming up to me she moved to career/grad school/law skool/some BS.
She was slow to get up and go to the orgy with me but I eventually convinced her. she was getting up and then she disappeared. DAMN.
The other big problem was that this was happening in my house, and people were leaving pools of j1zz and crotch juice and butt juice and sexjuice and sperm and smegma and stank and sweat ALL OVER the place, and it was impossible to find any privacy, or anyplace clean. this was making me seriously reconsider the idea of an Orgy as a Good Idea. It really kinda sucked, especially since I wasn’t getting any Hot Action out of the deal. It was disgusting, there was j1zz and crotch juice congealing everywhere and the girls weren’t washing the old j1zz out of their orifices; all the attractive girls had a huge waitlist; the only people interested in me were gay men; it was a filthy decadent mess which totally backfired on me. i would be much happier with one cute girl in a nonorgy setting.
so poker is a great metaphor for life, or maybe that is how i choose to view life since i am a Problem Gambler. but hear me out. poker (no limit holdem) is like life because: there is only ONE winner. and that sucks. I would rather win smaller pots and have them be more consistent. tortoise rather than the hare. but no. the way you win is big pots once in a while, and then waiting and waiting and waiting for your moment to strike. and trying not to go ON TILT. The odds are against you from the beginning. you have to beat out 5 or 8 other people to get that pot, or else you get NOTHING.
and as time wears on you keep paying blinds.
now if you’re in a TOURNAMENT, heck the BLINDS alone can kill you because they keep going up and up and up. and even fewer people win, because the idea is to get everyone down to ZERO, then you only pay out the top 4 people or so. I do not like tournaments.
so i would prefer to engineer a way to win smaller pots, but more regularly. i hate having to risk so much. lately i’ve been kinda lucky, winning those big pots, but before that i had a huge cold streak and was killed over and over again even with Great Pocket Cards…..but did i lose because i didn’t play aggressively enough, make large enough of a bet preflop? but to win big pots, you have to get ANOTHER person to bet aggressively, plus it’s not like you’re not seeing the river anyway, ie, have chances to bet/raise. dunno, just dunno, and when i read articles they go right over my head. really cant wait for “poker for dummies” arriving soon!
heh. this is what happens when you kill your brain cells when your brain is still developing. then you wake up one day later in life and discover you have a Learning Disability. Stuff you would have easily learned in High School, makes no sense to you now. You Get Dumber. Damn.
but Dummies books can teach you, after you’ve become dumber.
or prime of youth qt’s sitting on your face every time you learn a fact correctly. positive reinforcement.
sun march 23
i happened upon some THORAZINE the other day. was watching episodes of “addicted” which is like “intervention”, we started talking about Rx Drug Abuse, I made a joke like, wouldn’t happen to have any Xanax Wouldja, host said lets take a look, and produced some Thorazine and Flexeral. Hmm, I said. I ended up taking 1 Thorazine, which I know is for Psychotic Schizophrenics In Institutions. Did not really DO much. Immediately after I got real Hyper and Excited and Euphoric and Talkative, prob because I get a Rush out of doing Illicit Drugs. And indeed I slept soundly, as promised, although I usu sleep pretty soundly.
and was kinda tired and lethargic the next day, much like taking nyquil. in fact, it was not all that diff from nyquil at all.
but it was fun just for that “placebo effect” and capped off a good grateful night of Socializing. I do NOT recommend taking a lot of thorazine every single day.