FRI jan 17 2014 935p

well this is muh party hour. about 15 mins ago I ingested a tiny Medicinal Edible. I had one thing that would supposedly Do The Trick, so I ate one half of it. never had an edible before. was debating and debating. reasoned that fri night was the absolutely best, no Arbeit macht frei for 2 whole days. plus now I am not freaking out as much, such that I can actually enjoy fri and most of saturday as well.  but I did not want to do it sat. nope. fri night. and then write and listen to music.

have no idea. usually I take one Puff and then get paranoid for 3 hours and nervous, heh much like the NErvous Stress I felt at muh job, but more of an urgent panic that someone is gonna burst in and…arrest me? attack me? muh family and be dissapointed in me?

Heh. I don’t NEED any more stress and nervousness. Semi stressful day at the job;  pressured to Stay Late, and staying late would Look Good, but I really just wanted to go home at my usual time. plus things were starting to slow down such that the “pressure” to stay later would likely be taken off soon and I prob could have only stayed an extra hour anyway.

OR it “Looks Good” to come in on Saturdays. and I have Sat and Sun scheduled off; but it would be a Great Showing, for example, if I offered to have Friday and Sunday off, for example, and come in on Sat. I would if someone forced me. But they won’t force you, they’ll just see if you Do The Right Thing and if you don’t, they can use that against you later when laying off.

BUT laying off allows you to collect bennies, so it’s not all bad. It’s QUITTING you never want to do.

like they just laid a sh1tload of people off this week. I survived. but when they are making cuts, you want to do more than the bare minimum. you want to be a tryhard and a kiss4ss. I am pretty good at kissing A, but damn I just wasn’t feeling like staying late today! maybe next friday I will if they want! I am still not super solid on the job yet and there was some tricky stuff today!

but yep that is part of Being An Adult, is Weathering Stress and Working when you don’t want to, and that’s part of having a Normalfag Work Ethic and not a Loser Work Ethic, right?? all the little subtle tests that really aren’t THAT subtle. stuff that sends a message. stuff that I just did not have at muh old loser job.

You don’t want to be Bare Minimum, you want to be Bare Maximum, where MAXIMUM is Bare Minimum, and you surpass that every day!

because they can then say, you don’t really WANT this job, because why WOULDN’T you accept overtime if it was offered to you? Aren’t you desperate enough? Or do you really dislike the job that much? hehehe and I am thankful that I’m NOT THAT desperate, I thank GOD every day for that as I am driving there. I say a ton of Hail Marys and ask for strength for everyone there and to protect the peopel that were laid off, and that if you need to lay anyone off, lay ME off, I can handle it, and I thank GOD for THAT; and I also tahnk GOD for this TEST that I am surviving thru his grace; however I’m also thinking that the Communication Skills I’ve picked up ARE to some extent permanent, and even if they “wear off”, I will still have SOME permanent benefit in interviews and jobs years in the future.

unless i QUIT the job, and that will show up on a BG check because I wouldn’t get Bennies, they’d say, WHAT KIND OF PERSON QUITS A JOB? A QUITTER LOSER AND OR AN ADULT BABY FREELOADER with EMOTIONAL ISSUES or a DEADBEAT BUM PARASITE WHO DOESNT REALLY ***WANT*** TO WORK!!!!

don’t think that edible kicked in yet, starting to feel a LITTLE different, but nothing too horrible hehehe. some say takes 40 minutes, an hour, no peak until 2 hours, ok fine, that’s why I did this on fri nite hehe.

so say your manager hates you because you’re not an overachiever, you’re just a lazy loser with a bad work ethic that can’t be fixed, who doesn’t want to fix yourself. they will make your life a living hell so you can QUIT, they don’t have to pay you UI, AND then you are blacklisted as a quitter for the rest of your life, permanently unemployable, hehehehe.

heh. this is what I spend muh friday night thinking about. usually I just watch american dad and go to SLEEP now. today I stay up late, eat edible, listen to music, write, and sleep in.

so now what. yep. just weather the storm and survive until layoff. we all KNOW we’re getting laid off, it’s just a matter of trying to NOT get laid off before then for Not Being A Team Player.

but even the best performers WILL get laid off. they will just get hired back quicker, or hired back period.

heh. saying what kind of music I like certainly risks idenitfying myself and then getting fired / perm uempployability; but yeah Rebirth of Dissection is Sweet, even if you don’t like Reinkaos, the Live Album is SICK, the way they poured their heart and soul into that, you really can feel the Religious Devotion and Higher Calling. They weren’t there to mess around, they were there to Seriously Glorify Their God, and this is very feelable heheh. Not sure you glorify “Satan” the same way you glorify God, but its a similar feel to Us Religious Folk. However they don’t really “worship Satan”, but rather….View AntiCosmicness and Chaos as The Most Powerful Thing, and “Satan” is just one part of their “Current” along with other forces of Chaos. Chaos is the big thing, and it is less Worshipped than it is Embraced and Celebrated, although I would argue that does contain a kind of Submission. Submit to the All Powerful Chaos. But then the contradiction of becoming FREE by doing that. Heh. Kinda like how submitting to GOD makes you free too, hehehe.

Yeah the details of his Religion are really confusing.