Songs of Love and Hate
Songs of Love and Hate (Photo credit: Wikipedia) i can verify this is a great album

this post is a little shorter, next post will be a little longer.

dec 7, sat, 11.15am

well, things have been going so WELL lately, the LORD GOD has been so GOOD to me lately, that I guess it’s about time that He TESTED me, and I can’t say I LIKE it! Because the Test strikes the root, cuts to the bone, clouds over all the good stuff, makes a man feeeeeeel like garbaggio…… by Sending In Girl7 to appear out of the blue again. last time this happened was 2 times in july or aug (see posts) and I did not like it then. now, this time, I have not talked to her yet, she has not seen me, but I have seen her, and now I am avoiding her and trying to lay real low. if she finds me and talks to me, I will have to struggle to be alpha and to not be a passive aggressive beta, like oh, studying real hard for your MASTERS DEGREE that has already been incentivized for you by your already demonstrated Career Success and now this is the Next Logical Step for you to take at 25 years of age, so that when you’re 26, you can move up the ladder into an 80k a year job, while I REFUSE to get a masters degree because I don’t see the incentive to get a business-related masters degree unless you are a real tryhard student, of course she is not in the business field, and was she not interested in me because I was an Unsuccessful Unambitious Unmasculine Loser, Or because she is an Asexual Dyke hahahahahaha, which she has a DEFINITE Asexual Dyke streak in her, so that’s def NOT out of consideration.

But Still I looked FORWARD to NEVER seeing her again because she was the last, and possibly the final ever, grill I was ever In Luv with. I mean I thought she was A Virtuous Person, there was no Tradeoffs, just pure monogamous babymaking biblical God‘s Love.


(working on coining a new term there, to describe True Love as the Miraculous Gift From God and Glorification of God that is truly is. this kind of luv is monogamous, lifelong, babymaking, familymaking, unambiguous like a sign from God, and, when rejected, you HAVE to go no contact, and in a Tiny Way, you will never get over it, it will feel like you’re giving a Little Piece Of Your Heart to them Forever, but I guess maybe the better way to think of it is that GOD is taking some of your heart and soul back.)

And now I am a cold hard mean cynical woman-hater who just wants to bang a revolving door of 18 year olds, although I have not lost the ability to make Female Friends, thank GOD. Heh. Maybe that IS the Lesson from God. Maybe I need to say 9000 more hail marys until I can get out of this Triggering Situation and get back to sweet, sweet No Contact.

so it sucks to get reminded of that God’s Love, which was quite literally the most powerful thing in the world, better

Love and Hate in Dub
Love and Hate in Dub (Photo credit: Wikipedia) i like godflesh, but not familiar with this album, hehehe. though God does not want you to like Godflesh because they are blasphemous

than music and art and anything, to have a Love so Profound and Deep, which you will never feeel again, and to have that rejected, and to go no contact, and then have them pop back in every now and then.

Well I didn’t make my demands for No Contact super clearly, nor did she ever truly know how Deeply I loved her, I think I just tried to laugh it off and say “yeah it would prob be for the best if we took a little break from seeing each other for a while”, and she thought that I MERELY liked her or had a crush on her, not that I was deeply madly in God’s Luv with her, heh heh.

But God Damn why can’t she go be RAGING SUCCESSFUL somewhere ELSE. f00king dyke can go die of cvnt cancer. rejecting ME. god damn b1tch. I am SO DONE with her. SO OVER IT. let her get raeped by a pack of mountain gorillas.

Heh. I contend that, in order to be able to have the capacity to Really Truly Madly Deeply LOVE, you also have to be able to go the other way and truly madly deeply HATE as well, all these little pvssy f4gg0ts are scared of hate, scared to hate, but I’m not!

Heh. Now I can never get REJECTED by another Woman again because I will never LIKE another woman that much to want to Date Them Exclusively! Now its yep you can join my rotating Harem of Friends With Benefits, sure, but after 7 times Of Failure,, muh heart can no longer truly Luv, hahahahahaha. I wish it COULD, but nope. All Done.

So what is GOD trying to TEACH me with this test? Not to hate women? Not to hate HER? probably. So I will say 90000000000000 Hail Marys and try not to hate her, like say that stuff about cancer or gorillas. Nope. Can’t do that! SO SOLLY!!!

900000000 hail marys later……
nope not really hehehe. But I should get started on that rather than typing here. ok go.