Maybe take COURSERA (or similar) Free Online Classes that give you a CERTIFICATE OF COMPLETION, so then you can put THOSE on your RESUME.

Also put the Hardest 3 or 4 college classes you’ve ever taken. Maybe. Especially if you don’t have a Bachelors or Masters or PhD yet hahahahaha.

* Well it’s No Shave November so you should be growing your beard, I know I am. The Key think to remember is, shave your neckbeard, but be VERY CAREFUL there. It’s actually better to have More of a neckbeard than LESS, despite the very negative connotation of the word. like the guys who shave it all the way up to the jawline look HORRIBLE.

* Just shave the bottommost 20% or so of the neckbeard.

* Don’t shave that every single day, but space it out as much as you can. Every other day or every two days.

* you will be tempted the shave the topmost part up on the cheeks. again, do NOT do that every day. Do it once a WEEK at most, and don’t come DOWN too far. just shave the most ridiculous Outlier hairs. Once a week.

* key thing is, don’t be a TRYHARD with your beard, don’t look like a tryhard, you can have a neat, presentable, well-groomed, natural looking beard without being a tryhard.

* I just discoverd this: use the Windows Key (between ctrl and alt) + tab to scroll through your open windows and programs in a REal Kewl Way. I’ve always used Alt+Tab to do this, one day my finger slipped, and A Whole NEw World opened. Give it a try, just Do It. You’ll prob like it.

* Start a GARDEN and grow some staple foods. Stuff like RICE, LENTILS, Peanuts, WAlnuts (heh), Apples, Quinoa, Chick Peas, Onions, Garlic, even Corn. Get some Chickens to lay eggs for you too. BOOM instant Organic Food Supply on the cheap.

* Make your own Buttered Popcorn at home,  cover it with Butter and Salt, and have your own movie night. I guess if you have to make MIcrowave Popcorn, do it, just not every day. I don’t trust the chemicals in Processed Foodz, hehehehe.

* Minimize the Processed Foodz you eat. The Chemicals in there are killing your body, mind, and soul. These POISONS make you Unhealthy.

* Story Tiem: I recently forced myself to be productive and it FELT REAL GOOD MAN. It was WORTH IT. Got a Haircut which I needed badly after about 4 months, especially the hair on the sides and if you happen to have a Super Hairy NEck. So now it looks 900000000000000000000000000 times better, totally worth the money, I look 900000000000000000000 times more presentable, like less of a slob virgin who takes no pride in himself and who eats his own smegma, hahahahahahaha.

* Also went to the store and got some great stuff: a package of 4 nonwhite t-shirts, grey and black. This allowed me to throw out the remaining White T-Shirts I still had, which were yellow and gross.

* was also very proud to get new gloves that are a decent size. If you have smaller hands, it sucks to have too-large gloves that are 90000000 times longer than your fingers. Like I said before, it really helps to have gloves where you can still USE YOUR HANDS to hold stuff, drive, etc.

* My SEcret Protip here was to buy good-fitting Mitten Gloves: where it was half-finger gloves, with a Mitten Flap you could pull over to keep the tips of your fingers warm, but you could opt-out of coverage for your FingerTips, with even a nice little fold-over fingertip for the thumbs! very impressed.

* Also bought some Odor Eaters POWDER which looks a lot like Talcum Powder but I guess is better at Eating Odors. My big Power Protip here is to sprinkle that into the shoes and just let it sit overnight.

* Also bought a LARGE bottle of Bragg’s Organic Apple Cider Vinegar. This stuff is the magic bullet right there. Drink 1 tsp a day and it will save your life miraculously, hahahaha. Or it will acidically erode your teeth, mouth, throat, and esophagus, hahahaha. that’s why you mix it with water, Fool.

* Use HootSuite to manage your Twitter and then put HootSuite Social Media Manager on your RESUME, hahahahahahahaha.

* Always say you’re Really Good at stuff but also always emphasize that you are NOT CHANGE ADVERSE so you are always willing to change when your manager tells you and won’t be stubborn and try to do it your way, like a BAD OLD PERSON, when you are trying to get a job where your manager is some rich punk with a Masters Degree who’s younger than you.

* Once you hit 2000 followings on Twitter and can’t follow any more, start cleaning house until you get to 1900, and then add people to LISTS but don’t FOLLOW them unless they are really good. You can Add 9000000000000000000000000000 people to LISTS. Protip.

* Just making sure you bought some SILVER. you DID buy some SILVER right? So you should keep that by your bed and carress it every night and know that by the time you’re old and really need your investments to pay off, that silver will be worth like twice as much as it was when you bought it. SILVER IS A MAGIC BULLET.

* even if you don’t have ANY energy, tell your future employer in the interview that you have a LOT of energy and you’re a very energetic person. Because ENERGY makes you seem less OLD I guess. These f00king f4gg0ts openly hate anyone over 25, and if you’re over 30, forget it. Day Of The Rope, baby, Day Of The Rope.

* Get Radical Plastic Surgery to make yourself look like a Superhandsome Man at Age 21. Ryan Gosling, who the f knows. I would go with Mel Gibson or somebody actually MASCULINE. Mel Gibson is still very handsome and masculine at age 65 or whatever, but have you ever SEEN him at age 21???? Enough to turn a straight man gay. good god. Not that he looked gay in a nonmasculine way. I mean, highest level of alpha masculine handsomeness ever.

young mel gibson gun


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