sat oct26

stand up and share your story, distill ‘n’ deploy The Lesson Learned. interesting fun good times fri nite, hanging out with Super Old Skool Frand, type of situation you are real thankful for, them keeping in touch with you, then go out and have a nice grown up adult fun just sitting and talking and eating, simple pleasures are the best, not gonna invade his privacy much more beyond that, but yeah, that’s one thing that keeps me from being a true neet wizard and I am very glad for it, praise the lord and pass the ammunition.

the fun story for our purposes today was, we actually partook in some “W”, which I had not partaken in since about June 2012, although I talk about it ALL THE TIME as you’ve seen. I said yeah I’d be def interested in taking ONE Puff, and I indeed held true to that, which was smart, because from that ONE Puff I was BLAZED for at least 4 hours straight. Was already starting to get considerably anxious, paranoid, worried about everything, couldn’t think or speak straight. Well, I could just barely hold onto a Conversation, which is a marked improvement over what would have likely happened had I taken Two or more puffs, then speaking sentences would have been impossible, and that would add to the Social Anxiety, because you’re talking like a complete sperg spaghetti pockets wizard virgin loser.

And this is with one of muh oldest frandz who I have known for 20+ YEARS! Probably the safest person in the world to Partake with!

So you do need to Respect the Set and Setting. For Most Virgin Losers, it’s probably best to partake W ALONE.

One funny thing I noticed: I WAS excited to get into bed and listen to some music, because it Makes Music Better. But here I found I turned into the World’s Biggest Critic, and was always finding a way NOT to enjoy whatever I was listening to, barely making through an entire song, then saying “yep, not quite feelin it”. I think the only song I managed to listen all the way thru was “Brokedown Palace” by Grateful Dead, live of course, from the Brent Mydland era (great voice on him!!), and both the band and the crowd were having a GREAT night. I was very moved at how the audience was SO into it, erupting into joyous cheering after every single line JG sung. Of course, it IS That Kind of Song. I was cheering too!

Also I listened to one of my favourite speakers/vloggers, who I listen to almost every day for years, really puts me in a great mood, great guy, personal hero, but I wasn’t feeling him too much. Was hard to listen to 10 minute arguments and speeches and I kept finding stupid things to disagree with him about, and then felt ashamed about being “disappointed” in him, and also the shameful fear “o god, what if he’s actually a pathetic loser, and I LOVE this guy, what does that say about me, etc”

But the actual truth is, I probably just wasn’t in the mood for him at that time, strange as it sounds, cuz I’m always in the mood for him. I listened to another speaker and started getting into that a little more.

And then I wondered if maybe I weren’t more in a movie-watching mood than a music-listening mood or a talker-listening mood. It was furiously challenging finding the “right” thing to listen to.

And so these racing thoughts kept me much awake later than I usually am on that night. definitely under 5 hours of sleep for short day of underwork in morning.

Normally that would be debilitating but I actually feel Better Than Average right now. W has a “hangover” that is actually a GOOD Hangover, thus, not a Hangover at all, but which could rightfully be seen as one of the Positive Effects. A Benefit. Feelin Relaxed, Chill, Calm, Friendly, perhaps reaction time is a millisecond slower but I am still doing things extremely competently, giving outstanding service, being a BOSS, and also acting Smart not Stupid. Which is the constant fear during the initial rush: “O GOD I’M ACTING SO STUPID, I AM SO STUPID, O GOD”

So my official recommendation is alot like what I mentioned in an early post: once the rush first hits, it will prob last for about 4 hours. Use this time to work out like a madman: lifting and cardio. something Intensely Insane. Just utterly exhaust your body. And then your mind will prob STILL be racing. At that point, go into the Sauna for 45 minutes. drinking plenty of water of course. you might still be racing thoughts after that!

If at any time you know exactly what kinda music to listen to, then do it; if you find yourself being the world’s biggest critic, then shut it all down and Just Start Writing your racing thoughts. That’s what I should have done last night. write write write. have an intensely Insane Writing Workout, where you type real fast for an HOUR.

Or, MUCH more easily, get out your recorder and speak the thoughts and record them. You will prob talk more coherently when you are alone and feel free to say your actual thoughts, not even necessarily without judgement, but without the expectation of conversation. with the freedom to just give an hourlong speech of your 9000000000000000000000000000000000 racing thoughts.

So after an hour of THAT, you will DEF be starting to come off the rush, starting to chill out, entering that chill bob marley hippie zone everyone thinks of as the stereotype. At THAT point you can start listening to music, or watch a movie, or PLAY music, or read a book, or Jerk Off (Actually you can prob J3rk Off during the racing thoughts period.)

Cuz I wont lie, the Racing Thoughts Worrying Period lasted for Too Long. At least 4 or 5 hours. Off of ONE Puff. Granted I take the world’s hugest superpuffs, I mean this was like 3 or 4 puffs for the newb, it was ridiculously deep and long and voluminous, holding it in for as long as possible, etc.

Doing productive work during that time would prob get real hard. have the world’s worst add, always jumping around, pacing back and forth nervously, anxiety and worry and frustration that seems to last FOREVER, worrying that people will think you’re On Drugs, it’s really quite powerful.

so this is a common W experience for us anxious types. Normalfags don’t get that kind of rush, or if they do, they’re just laughing hysterically at everything. that WOULD be nice! because what we get is The Antithesis of Fun Funny Humorousness. 180.

It would be great to have a real creative talent and to be able to successful Do That On W, whether it’s playing music, or doing Math Equations, Scientific Innovation, Computer Coding O GOD. But At least we got Our Writing, so use that. You might wish you could play music, but at least you can still write or talk into a recorder. So Do It. Talk For An Hour. Because you won’t be able to PAY ATTENTION to a movie or listening to music.

Also I Luv Muh Frand Dearly but I think I might just be one of those people who Prefers to Partake Alone. Because even if you don’t NEED To Worry About Being Social Because You’re Fortunate Enough To Be Accepted Unconditionally… will still worry about it anyway, because you’ll be worrying about EVERYTHING. So just take all other people out of the equation entirely.

But I am pretty sure there was at least 30% Good Stuff mixed in with my 5 horus of Racing Worry thoughts. Stuff that I could def use later, be it insights into a person’s possible motives or personality, or just good Life Protips, Light Bulb Moments, New Creative Thoughts, Ideas on what to Research Next.

DISCLAIMER: I do not personally participate in Illegal Activities and I don’t encourage You to either. Don’t Do Drugs. Drugs are illegal and evil. More relevantly, As Morally Lazy Losers with Anxiety and Emotional Dysregulation, drugs can hurt Us more than they can hurt the average Healthy Happy Normalfag(tm).