friday 8 16

yep, the closest feels is YOUR WIFE DIED. Course you can’t use that as an excuse because nobody will believe it. So the next closest thing is Your Wife Divorced You. Well heck that’s probably WORSE because then they STEAL all your stuff, make you bankrupt, steal your CHILDREN, ruin your LIFE, send you to Debtor’s Prison, and you’ll prob have to K yourself.

OK, all it is is essential Getting DUMPED. This is a special kind of rejection that hurts more than the average rejection. because it’s a True Love Rejection. the True Love was Elevating you to Normalfag Happiness and Normalfag Productivity, and now it’s Dead and Gone, never to return.

There’s also always a Winner and A Loser. I GUESS there are SOME situations where BOTH people want out, so you can maybe have a Win Win. But how often is that? will estimate 25% of Breakups. Could be wrong. CERTAINLY not over 49%. Prob not over 40%. 30%? Getting warmer.

The Vast Majority of times, it’s a Win Lose, a Zero Sum game, a Winner and a Loser, a Dumper and a Dumpee, someone clearly Wants the other person More, Loves the other person more, one person wants OUT, the other person wants to stay IN.

A RECIPE for Crippling Depression if there ever was one!!

To be FAIR, I can’t imagine it’s FUN or pleasant being the Dumper Either. But it’s 9000000000000000000 X more fun than being the Dumpee!

When you’ve ONLY ever been (nonmutually) Dumped, that can do a number on your Self-Esteem! Legit!

And on your Productivity. Your performance in Skool, Work, Workaholism, and Internships declines, then you’re unemployable, then you’re undatable, and it’s a vicious circle.

12:40 pm good lord god almighty, god almighty, have mercy on me, god almighty, have mercy on me.

so ran into Girl7 AGAIN, exactly 9 days after the first run in. Believe me this wasn’t MY design. Again, the short-term reaction was, well, I didn’t do too bad, didn’t burst into tears, handled myself ok, not having a meltdown. But I’m worried what my medium term reaction will be. from 2 to say 8 days after. I was just starting to get back to normal too. And I got serious sh1t to get DONE over the next 2 to 8 days, and do NOT need to be distracted by this!!!!

Jesus Christ!!!!!!!

And it’s not really HER so much. It’s HER 40%, and her Successful Winning Life and Hard, STRONG Work Ethic Reaping the Appropriate Dividends which is 60% of the Sorrow.

Now you can’t cleave those in twain 100%, because that was part of her personality, her personality that I fell in LOVE with, etc.

But a person who works THAT hard and NEVER GETS DISCOURAGED and NEVER GIVES UP, I think it’s safe to say they never even had the thought enter their mind: “What’s the point of all this? Why am I doing this? Why don’t I just give up and blow my brains out?”

Again, what she’s doing IS hard, but Hard Tasks are a Lot EASIER for people with resilient, strong, neverdepressed constitutions like her.

Excuses, excuses, hahaha.

Yeah, and if I had gotten on a Phat Dose of SSRIs in my First Year of College, and also at that same time QUIT drinking, QUIT smoking weed, TOOK a BREAK from College to regroup, Went to a different college, changed my major, or took SEVERAL years off from College to work or join the AIR FORCE, read 20 books about how to be a Good College Student, then I could have been in her position too.

And YES it is better and easier and more effective to Address one’s “depression” earlier rather than later in life.

But at this point, that’s Time Machine Territory. Can’t CHANGE THE PAST.

But I CAN say, Jesus Christ, I hope she never Pops In again!!!!!!

Because if she said to me, I’VE MADE A HUGE MISTAKE, or, “I’m ready to go Out with You Romantically now!” I would respond YES, YES, ABSOLUTELY, NOTHING WOULD MAKE ME HAPPIER, MY WILDEST DREAMS HAVE COME TRUE, NORMALFAG CITY, HERE I COME.

Because I can’t even imagine being a person like her, with her healthy mind, her healthy habits, having a Great job, WANTING to go to Grad Skool, actually having Career Ambition, and working on it, AND succeeding at it. Just a Bridge Too Far. Can’t Relate, but Would Want, hehehe.

What’s it like to have a Great Job? What’s it like to Work Hard and Not Give Up? What’s it like to have Career Goals? What’s it like to Not Hate Careers and Skool? What’s it like to Not get so discouraged by everything? What’s it like to be Strong and Healthy and Happy? What’s it like to have something to offer a Mate, and to be Healthy Enough to enter into a Mature, Healthy, Happy, Adult Relationship?

All this would be easier to forget if she were just another Annoying, Decadent American Wh0re, poisoned by our decadent Trash Culture, like maybe 75% of Young American Women are. I’m not a fan of Women, have I mentioned?

Anyway. Time to Move on and GET. TO. WORK.

Long ago I read something in history class, something about workers rights and strikes and fighting for the 8 hour workday as opposed to the 24 hour workday, hehehe, and there was a slogan like “8 hours for work, 8 hours for sleep, 8 hours for what we will.” Which has stuck with me ever since.

For several reasons.
1. I am one of those 4ssholes who NEEDS at least NINE hours of sleep a night. That or I am “Hypersomnolent”.
2. At LEAST 3 or 4 hours of your “8 hours of Free Time” is directly related to Getting Ready for or Going to Work: getting up, getting ready, showering, pooping, eating, getting dressed, ironing/washing clothes, and god almighty COMMUTING.
3. So now you have 4 hours of actual free time, and if you don’t spend at LEAST half of that doing HOMEWORK, then you’re an Unambitious Loser.
4. And GOD FORBID you have KIDS or a FAMILY. Little Kids who need to be Parented, Old Parents who need Caretaking. Put fresh diapers on your parents, after you’ve done Work-Related stuff for 12 hours, before you need to do Skool related-stuff for 2 but preferably 4 hours. Working on your Masters of Human Resources from Strayer University.
5. And Normal Everyday Chores and Errands: going to the DOCTOR. Fixing your CAR. going SHOPPING for FOOD and good CLOTHES to wear to WORK.

Good Lord almighty, just THINKING about all this gets me discouraged!!! But to be a Winner, you HAVE to do all those things without getting discouraged!

sat 8 17

what up muh franz. it was one of the most beautiful days in weeks, and a day off, so what do you think I did, yep laid in bed till like 3 o clock. rather than work on my Project, rather than go to the store and get new CLOTHES.

But I eventually did do some Chores, and went for a brisk powerwalk in the nice sun.

Still possibly reacting to seeing Girl7 yesterday. thought of how True Love is different from Nontrue love. Her I MISS, Not having her in my life is painful. Her I would Gladly Commit To Monogamously because I like her more than Other Girls. And of course she is a huge winner and I am a huge loser, she is way out of my league, hahahaha.

continuing to take 20 mg a day in the morning. considering possibility that my body has been full of Tension, so my desire to Lay In Bed whenever I don’t have to Go To Underwork is attributable to the muscles of my body releasing Tonnes of Tension, rather than just being More Lazy Than Average, or More Crippling Depressed than Average, or Not being able to Deal with or Get Over Girl 7, etc.

“Prozac at 20”  semi roundtable discussion on prozac, prof jordan peterson once again mentions his experience of tension being released.

so there’s no REASON for HIM to be “depressed”, because he’s got a Great Top 1% Elite Job AND he got a Woman to Have His Children, he has no REASON, so of COURSE it makes sense for him to take tonnes of meds, because he must have been born with a DEFECT in his BRAIN! So Chut Up and Take Yer Medz!!!

OK I think I will.

TLDR: Give Medz a Chance, Go No Contact when True Love has Died, Tue Love Dying is Legitimately Rough and will take like a YEAR to get over, be thankful for not having Cancer, Eliminate Negative Influences, People, Places and Things from your life.