sat june 6 2013

heh getting way ahead of myself, might do Two A Day soon

Buddhist Society of Western Australia? This Ajahn Brahm guy is bretty good, all the vidyas these guys do are probably breddy good too.



Now in that depression vidya he tells the story of the 2 bad bricks in the wall of 1000 bricks. Or the person who kills themself because they did one thing wrong and did 1000000 things right. they focus only on the bad and never the good. we focus only on our failures and never our achievements.

* well it is easy to Talk Back to him:

“It’d be one thing if I had 2 failures and 998 successes, but god damn if I don’t have a much more SKEWED RATIO! I EASILY HAVE AT LEAST 51% Failures, if not 60 or 80! I Have more failures than successes! That’s why they’re so easy to focus on!

* Or maybe you do do good things, you try to do good things every day, good habits of eating, exercising, getting enough sleep, but it’s not enough to OUTWEIGH the one big mistake of your wasting your youth, or getting a useless degree, or screwing up College, which in and of itself was ACTUALLY a package of 100000000 little mistakes, which now you’re paying the price for, and all the Little Good Things you do now can never outweigh them.

* But yeah he’s right, we aren’t as Awful of People as we think we are. And other people aren’t as awful people as we think THEY are. But he’s also goddam right that we live in a very Negative, Poisonous, Toxic Culture, which breeds depression and anger and failure. Makes ya kinda wanta give up your Successful Career as a Theoretical Physicist and because a Buddhist Monk like he did, hahahahaha. But seriously he said he used to be one, don’t think he’d lie about that.

* Wonder if Buddhists accept losers who couldn’t get a job anywhere else.

* so what if…you do a lot of decent little things, but you have one BIG screwup that is MORE IMPORANT. MAGNITUDE. SIGNIFICANCE. STRENGTH. INTENSITY. See what I mean?

* Then you fall to your knees and beg Jesus Buddha for forgiveness, mercy, and inner strength.

* so while it’s hard to relate to someone who Liked Skool……ok just checking it looks like he doesn’t have a phd in theoretical physics. “just” that he graduated from Cambridge in theo phys and then went on to…..teach high school. nice. not nearly as PRESTIGIOUS a career as a PhD Academic Scientist.

* Still, High School Teacher is a Bretty Sweet Job, and he’s probably not a Virgin, so many of us Total Neet Losers cannot Relate to him. But the point stands: he seems like a Real Cool Guy and we could all stand to listen to his lectures.

tuesday july 9

* finally finished that vidya and a few more. go watch that ajahn brahm vidya RIGHT NOW. 9/10.  at first I was put off by his voice but within an hour I had a New Mancrush. Go and watch the rest of his vidyas. after the stories about the 2 bad bricks / 998 good bricks, and the story of the dumb farmer who brings the chicken sh1t into the house, vs the smart farmer who brings the eggs into his house, his lecture gets better as he reminds us:

* THIS TOO SHALL PASS. I guess they say this a lot in Alcoholics Anonymous. But the point is, everything passes. Good stuff and bad stuff. Realizing good stuff will pass makes you more grateful for it; realizing bad stuff passes makes it easier to endure. because it’s just another thing and it WILL be over one day.

* what REALLY blew my mind was when he said: stop FIGHTING your “depression.” just sit there and be “depressed.” stop struggling and fighting and trying so hard. This is part of the buddhist thing about meditation and just Sitting There and Being, Existing, rather than Doing.  Anyway since I hate struggling and trying so hard and it’s so DRAINING of energy, such an uphill battle, the idea that it was OKAY to DO NOTHING really appealed to me. Just sit there and BE, MAAAN, and say one day this too shall pass.

* this could be VERY easily twisted, so go listen to HIM talk about it. he sells it alot better. the metaphor I’d use is the idea of QUICKSAND: the more you FIGHT it, (or just in general, DROWNING), the quicker you sink, the easier you panic, and lose your energy.

* You have hardly any ENERGY to BEGIN with, so why WASTE it struggling and thrashing? You can save more energy just peacefully Floating, than violently thrashing your limbs to tread water.

* I am VERY concerned with ENERGY, because I have NONE. It is the biggest struggle just to get out of bed, read a book, go shopping, get ready for the day. Actually going to “work” and being at “work” is probably the EASIEST part of the day because it’s there I feeel somewhat Useful, I do a pretty good job, I get paid. But when it comes to the Chores of Life, First World Life, like getting the car serviced, or buying groceries or clothes, going to the bank (thankful to be rich enough to afford an Actual Bank Account!), getting a haircut, going to the college counselor, job searching, intership searching, cover letter tweaking, those things are hard to do.

* EVEN DOING THIS BLOG is starting to drain the energy from more important things, so FAIR WARNING, I MIGHT slow down on it!

* So watch that Brahm vidya on depression and watch his other vidyas too. Alot of people LUV this guy and I can sorta see why. I had never HEARD of him before this month. ACTUALLY somebody posted one of his vidyas (a diff one) on r9k. Then about a week later I was searching Youtube for Depression vidyas and found this one, said, isn’t that the monk from that other vidya the guy on r9k posted. SO I took that as a SIGN from the LORD.

* When you see a SIGN like this, LISTEN to it. TAKE it.