heh may 18 2023

So after I drove away all women and nonwhites and white men who find Muh Racism APPALLING, heh, ok, now I can speak to the Real Hateful Neckbeards that Hate Everyone and Everything.

Continuing my Intro Posts. I break these up into about 1000 words because nobody wants to read more than 1000 words. moderateness.

I don’t like the WORD “depression” because it’s weak and gay and incomplete and confusing and misleading and ununderstandable, but it would be a reasonable search term to bring somebody here. Can’t suggest a better word though: morally lazy loser is one I like to use; soul cancer; soul death; soul crushing; despair is a great one. was reading about the sin of sloth ie LAZINESS and how it can lead to despair.

I am VERY interested in the idea of Laziness, and sometimes how it gets mixed up with what People (not me!) call “depression.” and virgins arguing “No I’m not lazy I’m DEPRESSED! No, he’s not depressed, he’s just LAZY!”

It’s hard to tell. Real hard to tell. I think rather than draw a line between them, we should acknowledge that yeah maybe there IS some laziness in there. But it’s so politically incorrect to talk about laziness.

The one book I found, “The Myth of Laziness” by Mel Levine, started out breddy good until I learned Levine was horrendously disgraced by allegations of molesting boys over like 30 years and then he killed himself. Innocent or not, I already convicted him in my mind.

So I have taken up the burden of writing about laziness. And I agree with Levine: NOBODY WANTS to be LAZY. Being Lazy does not Feeeeeel good.  The Problem of laziness is more complex & nuanced than Normalfags think. And I agree that we should not Morally Judge The Morally Lazy, hahaha.

So How To Fix Laziness would be another main goal of this blog.

Basically you sit around not wanting to DO anything, because nothing is worth it. It’s not worth it to do anything because everything you’ve tried before has failed. You feel you don’t have enough WORK left in you to work as goddam hard as it’s gonna take to succeed. Because you tried before and failed because you just didn’t work hard enough, and now you’re BURNT OUT and don’t want to, feel like you CAN’T try again. You’re done. FINISHED.

I know that feel, bro! all too well!

So Winners, even well-meaning winners, might say, oh well, going day to day, one day at a time, is no way to live life. you have to have LONG TERM GOALS.

I agree that Long Term Goals are GREAT, but I don’t poo poo One Day At A Time. What’s the alternative? Heh. Getting Drunk or f00ked up Every Day.

It is absolutely no surprise that Lazy Losers turn to Drugs and Alcohol. I myself used to drink like a bastard. Mostly binge drinking. But the binging went on too regularly and too long. Maybe from the ages of 16 to 26. Then I got a DUI and quit drinking Cold Turkey and still remain a Cold Turkey. Stone Cold Sober for X years.

Compared to how I was drinking prior to that, that is a pretty big accomplishment, and something I’m Rightfully sorta proud of, but it’s just Not Enough. I still have the Feels of Anger and Inadequacy and Laziness and Giving Up that tempted me to drink in the first place. Thankfully though, I’m not at all tempted to drink. Not drinking is EASY. I can go out the BAR and not want to drink. I am fully prepared to not drink at ALL for the rest of my LIFE, and this is not too terrifying.

Sometimes I do have DREAMS where I have drunk and THAT is terrifying, because I think “Oh Sh1t, X YEARS down the drain, I don’t even remember drinking, how did this happen, now my life is REALLY over” and then when I realize it’s just a dream I breathe a HUGE sigh of relief.

I was not an Everyday Drinker like Lots of Drinkers (well, I guess I DID have several Everyday periods), I would get terrible hangovers that lasted for days and made me more despairing, then wait a couple days, then on “The Weekend” or something I would get insanely drunk, sometimes Weekend-Long Benders. I am VERY thankful and happy to be out of all that. I just can’t go back to that, don’t want to. That is all the incentive to not drink that I need. No Thank You. That’s what drinking got me, so I can easily choose never to drink again.

The only way I would ever drink again, I told myself, was that if i Got My Life Together with a Good Job and a Good “Wife.” Then I might drink In Moderation. But since those two things seem impossible….

In contrast to Alcohol, I DO have a temptation to smoke Marijuana. I had a period during my drinking days where I smoked a lot of Marijuana. Chronically. EVERY DAY. Several times a day. Morning Noon And Night for like 2 years. Maybe as many as 3! When I did that it was enough to get me to cut back drastically on the drinking.

When I cut back on my MJ, THEN I upped the Drinking again, and Drinking became a bigger problem.

Mixing the two would almost always end in vomiting, or getting completely blacked out and raging and crazy.

MJ would make me VERY anxious, it’s amazing I kept doing it. I only really LIKED it when alone, or when with a small number of VERY good friends.

Anyway I’m tempted to use it again as an “aid” for physical exercise and music/movie enjoyment. But I know it’s prob a slippery slope. If someone offered to sell me some I would probably buy it. Hahahaha but I would not have a place to enjoy it because I cannot afford to move out of Home because my job doesn’t pay well because I got the wrong degree and because I am horrible at job searching and I have a horrible resume and terrible internships and graduated too long ago so thus I cannot get a Good Job and Move Out and Smoke Weed all day like a Weed Addict, like THAT is a good goal!

I am also open to the idea of using Psychedelics Timothy Leary style  for Medicinal Purposes, to help people with their lazy loserhood.

So I fully appreciate that you may be On Drugs or Alcohol. I might try to help you Quit it. But I can only speak for myself. I quit Drugs and Alcohol (other than the lingering DESIRE to smoke MJ, but I don’t act on it; have NO desire to ever drink again unless I have a Good Job and a Good Waifu) but, Awesome and Important and Essential and Necessary as Quitting Alcohol was, it’s STILL not enough. Necessary but not sufficient. I have to quit alcohol AND totally change my life.

So join me as I do that and help you totally change your life too.

And lemme make it perfectly clear: You SHOULD Quit alcohol at the very least, pref all drugs. because even if it doesn’t solve everything, you have NO HOPE of Fixing Yourself until you DO quit Drugs. And Alcohol is a Drug. I guess if you wanted to smoke weed like once a…every couple months that would be ok, but with Weed it’s SO easy to start doing it EVERY DAY, and THAT would be VERY BAD. Even once a week might be too much. Try once a month if you absolutely MUST. But the state you’re in, ANY drugs would be bad. Drugs are best enjoyed by Healthy Winner Normalfags, hahahaha, funny how that works.