april 19

ok here is some more oldass posts that had been Aging and Curing since April 2015. super deep stuff. not sure how much stuff there is really.

HUGE COPY PASTE STARTING NOW. current comments in []

APRIL 2015 . TXT ::::::::

april 8 2015
yeah bub bub. going to bathroom right now lol. finally getting much needed oil change very soon. thank goodness. did very well at game. connecting more intimately with my male game friend. [I think the Relaxer was actually helping with that.]

ok 1 23 pm, done with oil change and shopping, good to accomplish that, big relaxer in thre, caused some nervousness, but now back to saftey hahaa.

started laundry, will do a mini relaxer around 6 ish.

have to be utterly avoid ff [female freind] like plague. except i might ask her to get me more relaxer. and then if she does, that might be a good sign. [she helped me obtain the relaxer stuff so I thought one day she might like to  enjoy relaxer WITH ME. not unreasonable right?]

ok type for a while. few minutes, then better call saul, then right to bed, ff is getting laid off next week, and i am hoping for the same. job is super ridiculous not even reagrding ff. i am sure she will still wait til the end of month to hang out, if at all!!! [yeeeepppp. IF AT ALL EVER AGAIN. But I didnt have to sit there and TAKE it!!!!!]

so no high hopes there whatsoever. but being out of the awful job will be good! will try a little harder to find a better job this time.

yeah buddy. april 12, in bathroom, slept till 11am, need to go to stupid church NOW. texted ff yesterday at like 745 pm with a short nonweird text, did not get a response, probably because shes out doing exactly what i dont want her to do, ie, hang out with that guy and have s with him, because he’s cooler, younger, handsomer, chiller, more alpha than me. [I would text her on saturday to Feel Her Out and she if she might want to hang out. yeah its pushy, i am not proud.]

but i went to a better college and and smarter and funnier than him! but i am short, blad, old, fat, and 2 positions below him, so he’s gotta make at least 4 bucks an hour more than me. for never taking phone calls. the level 2s and people doing esc cases stillmake a decent number of calls. but not the level 3s! what the hell do the level 3s even do? they seem to have the by far easiest job. [they really did. they just sat back and relaxed and never answered phones, never worked on cases, were all pretty chilled out. because they had the least stressful jobs. made at least 4 dollars an hour more than level 1. went to meetings.]

so yesterday i had two back to back cig sized relaxers, that did the trick VERY nicely, then laid down for a soild hour, then started to neckbeard a bit, tok a valium, got the mad munchies, satisfied them, then took half a nyquil and laid down for bed at 1030 pm, tv off, lites out, etc, and did not wake up until over 12 hours later, and now here i am, no time to prepare relaxers before church, just enough time to poop lol.

later 120 pm. pooping again. i blame the job. it makes me take 5 smaller poops a day, and always feel like i have to poop.


april 1x
1238 am
got layoff earlier in the day, last day, just got back from game, look at internet for a while, get 8 weeks off work, got to find better new job, gotta BE COOL with ff and give her space and let her come to me and such, still not good hopes there. [the ball was in her court. but she wasnt gonna come to me. I should just blurted it out. I know I started to write a god damn long letter explaining everything. shoulda sent that too.]

dont want to be like a beta cuck!

kinda going overbaord wiht these relaxers, but oh well. went to store, trimmed beard.

april 1x 146 pm

check it out. filed the unemp claim, hopefully dont get rejected haha. concerted effort to play it cool with ff and just lay super low, no contact, and hope she contacts me after a few days. 3? 5? 7? [this is exactly why you set a time to talk. none of this waiting indefinitely bullshit.]

try to do some good erry day, like look at indeed for 10 minutes.

ok did that.

make flashcards with the actual ridic buzzphrases.

ok. 100 hours of no contact. heh. 100 days maybe.

no 100 hours is 4 days. so today thurs, fri, sat, and sun, then hope she contacts me monday. then when i see her again, be fun and cool and chill and turn on the charm and lots of touching and staring haha. then once that takes, make a joke about her and the other guy, then grab her and maek out with her.
but no not be a wimpy sensitive beta.

[WHEN i see her again ?!?!?!?! HA!!!!]

have to be charming, funny, chill, stare right at her, and touch her a lot. dont talk about anything serious. just plenty of touching. hahahaha. not a lot to remember. yes i can take her out to dinner and pay for her.

or go for a nice walk in the park, enjoy relaxer, watch some tv etc. mixed in with the touching.

[but yeah those are all very good masculine moves to make. If only I could have hung out with her! I had the right idea for the moves to put on her!]

april 1x

ok do not contact her skank ass for at least one week, 7 days, so, thurs of next week is the earliest i can do antyhing. that will test her good.

meantime focus on daily powerwalks and sleeping hahaha.

april 1x

well the first couple days are the roughest i suppose. and of course she feels no roughness at all, except the roughness she enjoys from being f00ked by dudes. come on. so my hate and contempt are growing, i am becoming OBSESSED here and cannot focus on the IMPORTANT things in life, all while she has fun, and f00ks other guys. well, i guess it would be worse if we had already dated, right?

so now i write her short gmail drafts lets just do that here in the ol writing bucket haha

just switched to notepad++. see how this plays.

texted her stupid smiley face earlier, did not get response to that, not surprising, not do anything for next 2 days at least

dear that woman,
im sorry i have been so weird. things are a lot better now that i have gotten away from the phones and gotten a lot of rest. i hope u arent too mad at me. I wish we could talk about it and i think we could get everything figured out! I just miss seeing you is all really and i wish we could hang out more. I know your going thru a tough time and i hope things are getting better for you. but i get concerned when you shut me out, i wish it didn’t have to be like that. please talk to me and we can get everything straightened out. im not mad at u! i hope your not mad at me. i just want to talk. take care. [unsent message. should have sent it. I wrote “your”like a moron because thats how moronic her writes youre.]

april 1x
but yeah this has become an obsession and it is starting to scare me, well i feel ok now, not great, but last couple of days could not do anthing, jsut sit there, take nap, cant fully enjoy being laid off from the job, if she is gona be a low down dirty mud shark n1993rr wh0re.

but thats on her, and no use me getting worked up for that.

april 19

just fricken stupid!!! ok how do i turn off spell check. stupid boxes like bitches. cant stop thinking about this bitch. damn. coming close to writing her a facebook message. it does not get any better.

wrote fb msg, said “hope u are doing good!! and happy 420 day tomorrow :)” seen as of 718 pm, but sent at about 7:10pm, so no ppl dont see them RIGHT AWAY.

kept it super short and noncommittal and cordial, which is all i was going for. [i dont think that is too pushy. one damn facebook message, one damn🙂 text a few days before that. i mean couldnt she just tell me what was going on? what WAS going on? I know she had some shit with her family, but it takes 5 minuets to write an email!!!!!]

april 20
yep sent that fb message above, just go wiht a damn text message next time. i hate that she USED to hang out with me but now refuses to, and gives her fine big ass to other guys. yes a huge spanking is in order, def need to do that. this is killing me, had weird dreams yesterday. and this is just bitches doing a standard REJECTION with NO cheating! jeez how hypersensitive can u get! interpersonal rejection sensitivity.

[yes I would have LOVED to give her a LONG spanking!!!!!]

top lel. maybe i should stalk the facebook of the f4ggy guy my female fren is interested in and giving her attention to. foooook. this sucks for me so bad. it is like i am POSSESSED. possessed and obsessed. it is not good, i gotta get these demons out!!!

[she prob wasnt hanging out with him, but instead with her family! wow what an asshole I was!!!]

i didnt ask for this! really the only things i can use to get my mind off, are relaxers, and white nationalism.

controversial daily stormer article saying white women are even bigger problem than k1kes. and that white men need to man up and control their damn women, because this is a disgrace. yes it is. a damn disgrace, smh. [did I mention I associate with white nationalists hahahaha. ]

i would plan to control and train my ff thru regular spankings, but i think she may also be a lost cause with her bipolar, bitchiness, n1993r loving, social justice, slut whore, promiscuity, etc. but its….

yep definitely a lost cause, sunk cost, dead weight. NEXT!!!

sad to see old friends become full blown marxist academics. these are smart, funny, kind people. their opinions have not so much changed drastically, but when you become a phd, marxism has to go front and center, so you talk about it more, because its your job, career, life. and i know these people are smart, very smart. it makes me wonder if i am completely wrong with my anti marxism.

anyway thats ok i will nver hate them! but ff on the other hand, she is working her way over to the hate list. wont even respond to a facebook message, or a smiley face text

saw her at arund 12 pm monday on fb chat and i was just sitting there, f00k no im not gonna say anything to that cvnt, and then she leaves within a few minutes, blatantly avoidng me. well dont love yourself so much narcissist, i wasnt gonna talk to you anyway.

obviously the BETA thing is to talk to her, be like baby please respond, talk to me about our feelings. and the ALPHA thing is to say idgaf and be like oh i forgot all about u, u wouldn’t respond to me, you shut me out in the cold, so i was like homey dont play that, fook u, im done with u, trifling whore, doing my own fun exciting things without u. i forgot you even existed. so yeah no contact haha.

but it doesnt bode well for the future that i care too much, and she does not care hardly enough. does not look good mang. [yep]

well essentially she is telling me she wants me to leave her alone for a period of time, but she’s too much of a dumb n1993r woman to directly say that, once again i have to do all the heavy lifting because women are the choosers, hahaha.

the only way for a MAN to be a CHOOSER is to BE ALPHA.

so i cant really bitch about her being a btich or “immature” because this is more womanly than it is immature.

BUT paradoxically women are known to be easily fooled, easily led, letting negroes make babies with them.

they are choosy but by god are they not smart. just because their reproductive costs are high does not mean they treat them that way!

way to not invite me to the summer concert! or any concert, or any thing, or to hang out, or for crimmus, or for tgiving, or to hang out, or anything ever!!!!! bitch. [there was a big fun concert during summer 2015 where I was like wanna go to this, and she said sorry already got tickets i didnt think you liked him, and I said, welp hes ok, I just thought it would be something really fun for me and you to do! and then she said aw Im sorry. but I already got tickets. and tickets sold out super quick.]

but its REALLY sad how this is the most eligible women i know. that i dont have any better options than this trash.

april 20
917 pm
the next facebook msg:

hi there hope your not too mad at me lol🙂 i will leave u alone for a while, but its just hard cuz I miss you a lot!!😦😦 you are a good influence on me, and i want to be a good influence on you too! i have gotten a lot better lately lol🙂 i hope u and your fam are doing well & hope we can be friendz again soon🙂 :^D

and sent it with a hilarious picture of pepe the frog kill all normies.jpg hahaha
feels good man

a little beta but the humorous tone was a good move.
also it was honest.
but honest is beta right.
well its something and honestly she should be communicating with me moar. make any kind of fookin effort baby. come on. just throw me a teensy tiny little bone lemme know u dont hate me.

yeah super beta but i would be a lot more alpha if i could actually see her. plus it could have been 90000000 times more beta. but now she obv has chat turned on and we are both visible to each other and she has not said anything in 30 minutes. big surprise there! well usually she just signs off or turns off chat lol, she is super avoiding me like the PLAGUE. great time to send her a message then haha. but i had to get one more out of my system before i went on the hiatus of “a while” mentioned in the msg.

[it was normal for us to use lots of stupid smileys in our messages. see I was trying to assert myself a LITTLE, at least being honest about missing her.]

so now that i just blew my load, then absolutely no contact for as long as possible. 2 days, 3 days better, 4 days and then an alpha text would maybe be best? [again I am playing HER damn stupid waiting game of chicken!]

sign off and now i am back! and she was there, having signed on recently too. then i signed off to make it look like i wasn’t STALKING her or SUFFOCATING her or CREEPING around.

so now just sitting here again. the normal male thing to do would be for her to say hi sorry yep hope u are doing well too, im sorry i have been weird well hang out soon and i will explain everything.[YES!!!!!] but not a peep. now i cant really complain about THAT though, that is the natural way, of women being the choosers, and I KNOW it would be stupid for me to try to overcome that, in fact the best thing is to do the male counterpart to that: BE MASCULINE. hehe remember that one.

of course she could just be deleting the things as soon as she gets them, never reading them. or glancing at them and never reading them again,which sounds liek something i would do lol. and thus never really internalizing the authorial intent lol. at least never understanding the material presented. i outweighed the😦 with🙂 and in an ideal world, that would be good enough….. but this is the world of the choosers, lol, so that kind of is the ideal world no?

well, no, only partially. check yr chooser privilege lol
so in an ideal world, choosers would respect their chooser prvilege by showing accountability, responsibility, etc, rather than just whoring up with a lucky few alphas. because civilization and FAMILIES hsould be training their gurls to not be idiots.

nature is veyr strong but nurture is very strong with women, you have to train them HARD or else they will turn to shit. dont take your eye off them until they are with a mature alpha male and have a few white kids by their earliy twenties

this ought to be good
wow several replies!

Hey of course I’m not mad at u I am not mad at u at all
Yes we can hang soon
Miss ya happy 420 stoners
Hope your enjoying your time off.

sent from mobile, eh whore hahahaha. well way to be out sucking cock thats never mine lol.

OHHHHHH just got a red heart texted hahahahaha
that is usu a good sign

ok then i gave her a red heart back and was a huge beta saying dont be a stranger and lets smoke weed soon and i love u and want you to poop in my mouth lol.


[wow hahaha some degeneracy there. but I really liked the heart texts. see she is saying she misses me too and wants to hang out soon. and a god damn heart hahaha. i knew this didnt mean she LIKES me, but it SURE looks like we might hang out soon!!!!!!!]

april 21
ok signed into jobs site as is required by law to get muh bennies. muh money. govt cheese. even updated the profile, tidied it up a bit. try not to forget password.

not to smother u with msgs but: might not be able to make [fun event she wanted to go to and I wanted to go to with her and said I would buy her a ticket but she never responded haha] on saturday unless it gets out early;; forgot i was going to a bday partay at [redneck bar] in the evening; u are cordially invited if u would like to meet my [game] friends, and/or watch me sing karaoke lol!!; [another invite she ignored]  have fun at [justice event], do u do that erry day? be sure to make the women aware that tens of thousands of women lie about child abuse to keep nonabusive fathers away from their children [hahahaha I would “redpill” her with MGTOW stuff sometimes] take care bae & stay away from those walmarts where the department of defense is secretly starting world war 3 with yemenis and mexicans [referring to jade helm conspiracy which we had been talking about, and also I sometimes called her “BAE” to SIGNAL my luv for her]

^^^^^^ sent yet another fb msg to ff today
was not wanting a response, good.
more of a repoire, familiarity building exercise.
take the edge off.

[I guess thats ok, but really better not to send anything.]

353 pm some sort of recruiter wants me to drive 40 miles one way to make an appt to fill out an application at 1:30 tommorow. i guess i could just for fun. i think they said the job “office assistant” which pays 12 bucks an hour, 25 hours a week… 300 dollars a week dam thats a little UNDER what i get for muh unemployment.
the girl did not sound super trained haha she must have been a new hire at another company that doesnt care about training its employees because really i dont care. they probably, HOPEFULLY have someone more experienced talking to their CLIENTS.
the girl did not mention her name or the name of the recruiting company! it sounded super shady tbh, but i simply know they can get away with sounding shady because a job is a job son.

hmmm 49 miles eh, not 40.
i guess the proper thing would be to call so i am not blackballed.
blacklisted i mean.

black balls are what my ff likes smacking her white face.
hehehe. i am in a better mood since ff responded to me yesterday, albeit minimally, although albeit positiviely hahaha. [got a good feels from getting my FIX from her.]

so i sent that above message today wtih some more deets and a light joke.

NOW i prob only got that call because i just updated the job site res.
note: update that profile regarlarly, something in the employer search algorithm lol.
also ff’s mother is probaby more interesting and intelligent than muh ff haha when it comes to all the bla bla stuff.
so the mother got along real well with the previous boifran, the white guy, the guy i didnt hate lol.
kinda of weird the mother did not push for him to stay!
which means either he or ff really wanted to get out.
except they are super hardcore conspiracy tinfoil types who think THE COLLAPSE is going to happen within ike 5 years.
I think it is going to happen within 50 years. split diff? 27 years? sure sounds good.

BUT why is the mother so distant from the father?
Certainly the mother is crazy, as is my ff, but are they Crazy EVIL?
either they intentionally shut the man out (alienation) [abandonment!!!] OR the men are abusive or they are deadbeat losers. [probably the father was a deadbeat loser who doesnt want to take care of his children.]

either ff is EVIL, or these men are huge losers.
so i would rather them be huge losers cuz i dont want her to be evil.
BUT them being huge losers says a lot about the mother CHOOSING them to have CHILDREN with.

i do not know anything about ff’s  father

so if she cucks me with the tall level 3winner, and shows up to one of the partays with him while ignoring my invitations, i will be as alpha as i can, trying to entertain the party guests, for a max of one hour, then disappear into the night. that woudl be a pretty low down thing of her to do, or stupid, regardless of the WOMEN ARE CHOOSERS excuse them of all stupid behavior card. the card excuses a lot but it still does not excuse THAT!!!!!! [it WOULD be RUDE of her to show up with some other guy when I had invited her. no, she didnt end up doing this, but I thought she might!]

heh laptop on the crapper again, darn right this is a regular thing, however i would like for my bowels to eventually get back to “normal”, spared the unnatural torture of stress and coffee and weirdness at the job.

wonder if recruiter will tell the state i didnt show up and therefore they will then cut off muh money lol.

hopefully not!

that child molesting [hyperbole ] k1ke alex jacob is off of jeopardy! so suddenly off. now he was the player of the month! autistic but somewhat charming swarthy k1ke who looked truly semitic!

april 22
had a marathon nightmare which was like if david lynch made intentional horror movies rather than having a few truly disturbing parts. something with a very evil man who would tear peoples faces off or punch a hole right thru their face and out the back of their skull; a weird birthing / brothel place run by catholic nuns where men customers would come in and buy a fetus from the moment of conception and then somehow have sechs with it for a price, or with the baby when it was born?

then i thought, welp if ff brings  level 3 f4ggot to the summer concert but not me, then ITS F00KIN OVER, its close to being over now, if she goes with him to the party on may  [i think she just went to the concert with her family, and that she NEVER really hung out with this guy other than once! I was making her out to be a bigger slut than she is in other words.]
its over. but her going to summer concert with him would be equally j00ish and inexcuseable even under the lenient rule of Women R Chooserz.

oh god i am getting into the habit of sending her a fb msg in the morning. well this

i did not mean to make light of [event] and the horrendous violence that happens against women! but hope you had a effective time! i would be interested to see the level of cultural marxism there though! stopping violence against women is one thing, but at least 50% of feminists are total marxists who hate men and wrap their “superiority feminism” in a package with many other marxist things like socialism, gun control, big govt, unlimited immigration, anti-male legislation, etc. hehe also next time ask a marxist feminist about “nice guys” and watch the haterade flow lol. (even though i try to be a nice person, i am NOTTTT and never will be a “nice guy” because they are very stupid, but dont deserve the unlimited h8 which comes from feminists) . but i think it is very interesting how something normal and good, like dont beat women, is mixed with that whole marxist package. well i could be wrong but at least thats what feminist activists were like a few years ago lol, which drove me away from being a feminist lol. anyway good for u for going to the event, and hopefully there were enough people who could share their personal experiences, rather than a bunch of college students wearing che guevara t shirts, who have never lived in the real world lol. . . . .. ok sorry for the book LOLOLOL. i know i said i would leave u alone. but i like running my mouth at u. . .. within a few hours of doing my state talent profile, got a call from a recruiter  asking me to come to blabla today to “fill out an application” for a part time job. i did not want to drive 50 miles lol so i am no calling no showing my “appointment” to “fill out the application” lol i hope that is not too privileged lol!!!! lemme know if any spots open up on your summer concert lol, i am still butthurt about that lol. …. [my work friends] are having a chill partay on sat may x (and may xx!! haha) which i am inviting u to, but hopefully they invited u to it already! …anyway take care i was just curious about the marxism level of the feminists thats all lol. i like writing long books even when i am not stressed out by work, this is what writers do lol, they WRITE!!! so the place in blabla called back, i said OOOooo Im sorry I can’t make it today, CAN I CALL YOU BACK shortly. see the first time they called, they had a young person that sounded like they didn’t know what they were doing, did not mention the name of the staffing company, sounds like they just got hired with no training, i guess lots of companies do that hahahaha. then i thought, well thats “fair” because it doesnt matter to the job seeker if the recruiter sounds shady, because we will take anything we can get. BUT I hope they get somebody more experienced to talk to their paying clients!!!! but i just think its hilarious that companies dont care about having their employees even SEEM like they’ve been trained. figure it out yourself, and the weakest 50% get fired. ok im done for today, this just takes me 5 minutes to write, not like i’m obsessing all day about this hahaha lol. if u dont want to read it all, give it to your Mom and she can give u the cliffs notes lol. but seriously have a nice day and hope event was good and really this is all just an excuse to send u another ridiculous pepe the frog picture…….

oh wow that is a book hahaha. oh well fook it. whats done is done. i wish i had a qt gurl who cared enought to write me books. and she just sits there like a dumb cvmcow taking n199er dicks.

[yeah that was WAY too long a facebook message to write her. SORRY. i regret that hahaha. but that is how crazy I was going, desperate for some kind of contact with her.]

wow she actually responded to that and we had the longest conversation ever, like 1 hour of her actually responding to me hahaha. so she has definitely turned some kind of corner, FINALLY, and i am trying not to get too excited tho HANG OUT WITH ME RIGHT NOW etc.

so we had a long conversation and that was nice, kind of gay, but i hope by her telling me that she is way more emo than me, some other small talk details of what she or her fam are doing recently, are intimacy building exercises for the slightly retarded hehehe which of course all females are. slightly, thats generous lol.

so i mentioned yeah lets walk in the forest near your house, and go to budget movie theater, i will pay for u; i miss u; etc etc. oh yeah lets visit the ghost town in bla bla, i’ll rent a car lol. [i invited her to more fun shit and made it clear i wanted to hang out wiht her. she avoided responded. of course I should have said lets do this then. yes or no.]

yep i should take a shower if she wants to do something, because what i want to do involves the dirty bits.

well i took a shower later in the day outside of my comfort zone lol. and she probably will not get back to me. but yeah i got my fix of her earlier so now i am high haha.

i would be so much damn FUN if she CHOSE to hang out with me!!!

and now that she is dangling that in front of me i am getting excited. just as we would all expect!!!

well she said she would message me, which of course is not something she USUALLY says, so now i am excited. sitting here waiting like a moron for her to message or text me.

or i get such a rush off of our stupid conversation yet she has 90000 conversations like this erry day with 9000 different guys. sounds exhausting, and decadent and degenerate.

welp i dont think she is going to message. trifling ho hahaha. wonder which guy she is CHOOSING for tonight over me hehe. do not like being CUCKED hehe.

wahhh now she signed off of webchat on her phone. probably going to suck moar dicks, making choices, sucking dicks, never mine lol.

april 23
damn dying. all i can think about is that BITCH! this is a greek tragedy in the making. she is not interested in me, she will go for this other guy, and it doesn’t make it any better that this guy is white.

meanwhile i gotta go to the unemp office TODAY and “register in person” whatever that means. ANYTHING related to the govt is always INTENTIONALLY confusing as f00k. so i am dreading going in there, but i either go in there, or do not get muh money.

got back from that, was not too bad, bretty good actually, not a big deal.

oh yeah 740 pm just got some message action!!!

Funny pic lol [i had sent her a pepe hahaha]

just did my job searches lol bunch of bs
hey u!! yeah me too will buy a ticket at some point, really cant miss [another summer concert] i agree! o my lord hope u found some good jobs hope u dont have to call them

what r u up to

Just cleaning up throwing out a lot of crap lol spring cleaning and medicating [her word for relaxing with Degen MJ haha]

How about u
o my lord well good for u, spring cleaning is a great thing lol! hehe did a little self medication as well lol watching jeopardy &reading, should prob do some spring cleaning myself lol
u should drink that iced tea lol
i was thinking about going to the retarded “horror” movie “ouija” about a haunted ouija board at budget cinema if ur interested lol

sent that one just now haha.
i figured it was worth a shot. a very long shot but something haha. then i see she had been offline for 6 minutes, shoudla sent it 6 minutes earlier.

i could text her but i dont really want to go to a stupid movie haha. plus that would look even moar desperate.

[i knew what I was doing was desperate…..but I did it anyway. now I was hopeful again because I thought we would atually hang out in the next few weeks. and I just liked talking to her.]

april 24

i guess i have to empathize and figure she is just not ready for something, because she is still getting over the past. HOWEVER if she cucks me with some other guy, right now, then that proves the above theory is false.

ok. yesterday kinda wanted to watch a sh1tty horror movie. decided to stop being lazy and start using netflix.

had a dream that i was cuddling with a small skinny woman. usually prefer taller women but i am not a tall guy lol. i said can i cuddle with u and she said ok and then we tried to begin and right around then the dream ended. of course.

oh heres a great idea:

moved 500000 page letters to gurl to new text file in my documents.
ok that took like 2 hours but it really did need to be written, if only for my own records, biography, story, etc. plus its everything there in case she wants it. which she prob wont. doesnt even care lol.

but yeah that honestly is a good honest summation of everything, and would be civil polite enough to actually send to her. i am glad to have it now.

[yes i should have. there was still two and a half months of agony until the shit hit the fan]

so its my fault for not asking direct short questions to get the answers i needed, and to do that outside of hanging out, ie, do it on the job. or by texting.

text her: do you want to date so and so?
text her: are you still hung up on the cheating n1993r?
3. could you ever date me in a million yeras?
4. WHEN can we hang out? i can wait two months, just TELL ME two months, is better than leaving me hanging.

like flashcads lol.
april 25
5. why didnt you invite me to the summer concert?
6. did you invite somebody else instead? other than your fam or friend? did you invite a handsome young man?
7. are you going to this party?
8. do you want to come with me?
9. are you going with someone else?
10. who are you going with?
11. what time will you be getting there?

that kind gestapo interrogation.
and in that case, i will leave 10 minutes before she shows up.

[yes i was right about that. need to ask gestapo style DIRECT questions or they WILL avoid and evade them.]

and when my male friend asks why you leaving? i dunno what i would say. i could easily be honest and discreet, saying yeah me and her are having tuff times and i would rather not see her coming with other guys when i already asked her to come with me and she said no. because i like her and i don’t like being rejected by her.
and then he would say, well that sucks, have you talked to her about it?
and then i say nope, she has no fooking clue lol.

[well its not that I hadnt tried to talk to her about it! I wanted to talk, she didnt! also, this never came to pass.]

see what i mean? so the best thing would be to just have an excuse like i gotta go, or i feel sick.

OR even better, put moves on other cute girls before she arrives with him, so that she can see me seducing other cute girls.

ridiculous i tell you. motherf00ker.

hmm said hello to her on facebook then immed signed off, then came back for about 15 minutes and she did not respond. prob should have said nothing at all. [yeah]
yep no response. if she wanted me she obv would have responded. should not said anything. damn. another step backwards lol. [yep]

so the tldr did not take 2 hours, that only took 2 minutes. i meant the other one.

april 26
oh yeah around 8 o clock or so she responded, whcih was like a moral victory for me, that lifted my spirits.

that was huge really. makes it easier to take a break from her until may lol.

whew saw her on facebook chat a few times but she left within minutes of coming on. so that means, take a break from her tomorrow too.

what would cause her to want to avoid me like shes been doing? either she is terribly conflicted and confused, OR she is committed to NO and is scared to tell me. [the latter.]
50 50 chances hahahahaha.

ok did good on sunday of not contacting ff. no texts, no msg. so that was awesome. also thinking do same thing tomorrow for maximum results.

[yeah i was successful some days but it was SUCH a struggle and I was SO obsessed.]

april 27
yeah will do that again for max effectiveness.
f00king bitch doesnt want to be a nondegenerate, wants to f00k other dudes, ok fine. but that is very hurtful because i was/am in luv with her, so now i am entitled to be crippling depressed for a few months? 100 days?
till i go back to work and have to see her whore person every day again? yikes.
f00king whores. bane of my existence.
well got through the day.
it was doable, get thru tomorrow would be even better.

that is definitely doable too. i just dont want her to forget about me, but if she does, that is 10000000% her fault, on her.

april 28

yes i am thank you! hope your fam is doing well too! hope we can hang out in may, we have not hung out since september and that makes me sad, i hope that is not the new normal😦 u know u can tell me anything, and even send an email if you prefer! i hope we can be close again, but i will understand if not. dont want to ruin your dinner with emotionz lol. have a nice beautiful spring day and hope to talk to you soon

OOOOOHHHHH sent her that today april 28. really digging now!
i am just sick of going around in circles.
i dont want to go around in cicles, go around in circles

anyway might not be the best message but its something.

[I was as assertive as I had every been in that above fb message. good for me standing up for myself, hahaha.]

heh. i am either trying to get her to address these topics in an email, or to hang out and get ready to talk about this sheet, and also to remind her of THE DEADLINE, and that it has been months since we hung out, actually i think it was a very powerful message! and also not too long! so good.

Yes we will get together soon
I know it’s been a while

thank u
was what she said back and then i said thank u.

so yep does not look good.
oh well, it NEVER looked good.

[she could have taken a minute like i did and wrote a few damn sentences responding to my valid concerns]

april 29
stuff i am deleting from muh facebook post

[i was now posting blog like stuff on my facebook, probably hoping that she would read my interesting writing on stuff, and want to hang out wiht me and talk about stuff like this in person, hahaha.]


I talk about this because I have been a student of Evolution for many, many years, and averages of Human Behavior, Psychology, Nature, and Nurture have always been of paramount interest to me.

big topic lately is “Women Are The Choosers”, this Natural Law Of Nature allows Women to Legit Get Away With a lot more than Men can. However, I’m not sure where the line is between stuff they can get away with, vs not. BUT the Law does give a legit reason for quite a lot, and is a “get out of jail free card.” Hypergamy for one.

basically “Women Are The Choosers” is exactly what it sounds like, what it has been for thousands of years, plain old common sense, and is directly related to uteruses and reproductive risks, costs, and capacities. you could also say “Because women CAN get preggers, therefore they are the choosers” if you wanted to make the Law autistically clear.

So any way, my research project is, study the science and the math and the statistics of, does this Law absolve women from being Accountable for Which Actions? and, even more interesting, does the indisputable Law absolve Human Women (of all races!) from making decisions that will hurt themselves in the long term? For example, hypergamy in and of itself is perfectly fine, natural, and normal, because the female costs of reproduction and child raising encourage choosing a resourceful mate, so whiny lesser beta losers should not be complaining, but rather trying to improve themselves. (without success for years until they become old kv wizards, lel. I am sypathetic to kv wizards and know how quickly one can lose their Super Valuable Youth whilst trying to “improve oneself” to reach bare minimum matewithability! Youth ends way too quickly and many men “miss the boat” and that is my target demographic)

(well my research question, are Women Absolved from being held Accountable for decisions that may hurt themselves in the long term, is CIRCULAR, NONSENSICAL, and perhaps a TAUTOLOGY: if the decision’s long term CONSEQUENCES are punishing the women, then it is IRRELEVANT if the woman holds herself accountable, becuase the CONSEQUENCES are holding her accountable; life itself is doling out the punishment, even if the recipient of said punishment is unaware of the whole process. So in other words, playing around with The Awesome Power of the Uterus WILL hold its abusers accountable for their actions. Uterus Law Enforces ITSELF. )

Another good question to ask is “good alpha” vs “bad alpha”. Good alpha would be resourceful and loyal and good for the long term. (but wouldn’t those by definition be “beta” traits? BUT I would also argue that the Best Men show a combination of alpha AND beta traits), while “bad alpha” would be charismatic enough to spill some seed and make some heirs, but be unwilling or unable to provide resources or support over the long term.(side question: is that latter truly alpha? (“it doesnt take much to make a baby, but it takes a lot to Be A Father”) absolutely YES, because he has that intial ACCESS, and is getting his heir uterusized into babbys, while nonalphas have a much higher price to pay for that Initial Access. )

Well, my initial rebuttal there is, uterus/choosing related decisions have Long Term Consequences, so Human Woman should be held accountable for that. QED.

Well in an ideal world right (“should”)? So one should study the Math of patterns of Actual Accountability and see how it differs from that ideal. Or does having a Long Term Uterus / Being a member of The Choosing Class (hehehe see what i did there) just generally lessen your need to be accountable? even in cases where it affects you directly?

well there is no human need to “Be Accountable” haha. in an ideal world only, lol. NEEDS vs WANTS bro. although in human society in fact, people find many clever ways to enforce some kind of accountability! I am more talking about Social Enforcement, including Shame, Ostracism, Gossip, Social Aggression, etc.

anyway i personally am a huge fan of accountability as a virtue and of that ideal world hahaha. AND, A Huge fan of Slut-Shaming. SO, the conclusion i am biased towards for my Scientific Academic Research Project is:

Also see above: Uterus Law Enforces Itself.


but yeah. to study patterns of micro behaviors between men and women, do some mad math, then come up with Intense Generalized Conclusions about Averages, that would be my ideal academic career, so pay for me to go to school in it, and uh make it easy to get into a good school for it, make it easy to get a good job in it. “It” being like mathy statistics of Reproductive Related Behavior across times, places, cultures, maybe even races lololololololol

but yeah i don’t think there is a lot of demand for Employees in this field, flipping houses might be the better choice if you actually want to be able to make money to take care of your growing families, lol. or fracking oil in north dakota. i concede that in the long term (100+ years) fracking might have environmental risks, but in the short term (30 years) it is permitting many people to meet their own Survival Needs.

hehe. talk about SHort Term vs Long Term Decision making Accountability! And what if the Short Term is our LIFETIMES, and the long term is several generations later.

yeah one is interested in those types of super long term trends, but not really about fracking per se. but as a continuation of those intra-lifespan mating strategy decisions described above, which is my personal Research Interest. how do those micro patterns begin to unfold on an ever more macro scale? what will things be like in 20, 50, 100 years?

also, The Collapse. some believe The Collapse will HAPPEN in less than 10 years; some, 50. imho 10 is a little soon, but not necessarily 50. so that gives you plenty of time to buy GUNS and SILVER and to make many children who will protect you when you are old and frail and the ZIONIST BANKSTERS have completely sold you out and it costs $6,000,000 to buy One Potatoe!

ok i will do edits right about here.

not just studying the math/numbers/stats of these Modern Mating Strategies, but also studying the underlying Biochemistry in the Brain, would probably be a valid Scientific Interest.

Also another way to simplify the Talking Points for Discussion with Troggies: “Sperm is ridiculously Cheap, Eggs are Ridiculously Expensive”

and studying the Quantitative Economics and Pricing and Supply and Demand there.

and getting paid like i dunno 75 grand a year to do it lolololol.

But yeah i think personal accountability is still a thing thank GOD. it just differs from individual to individual.

this is just plain old common sense, or at least one thought it was!

But slut-shaming never gets old IMHO, and also, worryingly, many modern women are anti-slut-shaming, that is, pro-being-a-slut. Pro-degeneracy if you will! That’s not good!

but really folks, my lifes mission is to help men navigate the degenerate modern world, and to improve their outcomes with jobs and with wimmin. with the end game being building stable families with lots of children. this is NOT about degenerate hedonism and pick up artist stuff. it is solely about securing the existence of our selves, and of our children. 1488 WPWW

///// end facebook

[heh thats funny that that was actually on my facebook for her to read. for how long? a week? did she read it? probably not. hahahaha. why would she want to read my rambling writing. I would have read her writing all day!]

april 30
might be done wiht that long letter finally. now i think she is blocking me from facebook! and i haven’t even texted her or messaged her since that above short message, and i am being very “good” for good boy points haha. [no she was not blocking me. that would be in another 2.5 months.]

so i guess i will continue to leave her to prove herself as “the bad guy.” still wont keep her from getting fooked by other dudes though. whore.




Yeah I am embarrassed with how I came so close, but was still dancing around saying the most important words: we need to talk NOW. this ends NOW. DO you want to go to dinner/movie/park/scenic drive on saturday yes or no. I cant take this avoiding, I really need more from you, I dont like this distance, I really feel like I’m losing you, can we please talk NOW, have an in depth talk for more than 2 minutes, oh and by the way I have something very big to tell you which has been eating me up and causing this change in my behavior.

Also, here I was very angry at her and accusing her of being a slut, promiscuous, easy. this is really unfair to her because she is not that kind of person. even now, probably. she probably remains a decent, nonslutty woman, who is not always hanging otu with guys, doesnt have a “stable” of guys she has on the hook. nope.

just because some women who have rejected me turned out to be huge sluts, doesnt mean all women who have rejected me are huge sluts. so, to be fair to her, she wasn’t slutting it up in april and chances are she’s not In The Process of becoming a Slut.

of course, its even more disappointing to be rejected by a decent non-slutty woman! that and I am naturally jealous. And I’ve dealt with sluts before. So that’s why I was raging about her being a slut. But she really isnt. Just wanted to say that, because I really dont want to SLANDER her, even now. she is still a decent person who just really disappointed me. I wasnt great either but…..

the whole thing was just really really really SAD. A beautiful relationship between two decent people that ended in a very very very veyr SAD way.

so that’s why I’ve been much more sad than angry in the wake of it. It’s hard to be angry at her if she’s not a slut and she’s still the decent person she always was. So she didnt show a ton of courage. Is it really fair to ask a person to show a TON of courage when they have family stress and they feel totally overwhelmed? of course not!

still I wish she had a shown a little courage and took 5 minutes to write me an email to say SORRY for your pain hahaha.


[WARNING OCT 22 2016:

well, more of a clarification hahaha.

  1. i never got this angry again. i was FURIOUS and saying horrible things and wishing horrible things on That Woman, but I wasnt being really serious, i was just really angry at the shitty situation. so dont take those seriously at all. also, when shit hit the fan a few months after this, i was never that angry even at that time. well, maybe at MYSELF for being such a shameful pathetic coward.  was never this angry at HER again. just sad and devastated and disappointed.
  2. just continues to point out the obvious lesson: i should have just communicated with her then. like ME writing her an email THEN, in march/feb 2015. another alternative would be Just Let It Go, because she was obviously not wanting to hang out with me. keep in mind this wasnt some Rando, I already knew her for 2+ years BEFORE all this, where we had a History of hanging out.
  3. interesting that i was still Handling and Surviving my job tho! I was also using a fair amount of MJ. kinda envious of that. wouldnt mind some of that right now.
  4.  i really didnt hate her as much as it sounds like in this stuff. never forget this does not reflect my state now, but as of march 2015, when things were a lot different hhehehehe.  as of oct 2016 I am pretty much Over It, but still a little butthurt. not really angry or negative at her. i mean i would still Take Her Back hahahahahaha. but i am just trying to live muh life without her. I lost an important person and it takes a VERY long time to FULLY get over.


apri 19

found some good txt files I wrote when things were going bad with the woman in march, april, may, maybe even feb 2015. that I didnt want to post here. well I think I can finally post them here. oh goody. like there was one i wrote on the very day she Snapped at me saying Please Leave hahahaha.

they were on my hard drive but not sure i copied them all to my google drive. copied them all to google drive. so look in the personal writing folder / april may june 2015 / folder which have been using ever sincee hahahaha.

hmm the LORD is smiling upon me and I am THANKFUL, I officially make a big deal out of praising the LORD in public, and then cursing him in private, hahaha. no not really. but now have an “interview” with staffing agency on thursday. spoke to the recruiter as soon as I got out of bed and did ok considering hahahahaha. with the phone bullshitting. She sounded not as smart as me, and she is a Personnel Manager and prob makes way more than 15 DAH!

so do that in 2 days. today take the post office test, that should be “fun.” today or tomorrow maybe go to local thrift store and look for suit coats. something blue I think.

well i guess its good to be making baby steps of progress here.

ok i am gonna recycle that old stuff. copy and paste. might lead to a few super long posts hahaha.

MARCH 2015 notepad . txt

end of feb first part of march 2015 coming through::::: start::::: [yuge copy paste with some deletions] ::::::::

boo ya ka sha. officially boycotting wordpress, not that this is much better.
feb 28 2015, sat, 702pm. leave for partay at 8. that should be fun but i just enjoyed the last relaxer so that is getting the nerves up a bit but . ok uploading. should put on new pair of socks. fam coming home possibly tomrw.
ok gotta chill out fast. now nervous about everything haha. and now the down arrow on kyboard is failing. just listening to some hlidskjalf really quietly hahaha. guitar is broken and needs to be thrown away. damn. nervous about buying beer even though i have no plans to drink it!!

[was going to small fun chill party hosted by my male work friend who was/is a real good guy, I truly liked him hahaha. I always tried to get That Woman to go with me, but she never accepted. Later I worried that she would blow me off only to show up there on her own accord, or to go with this other guy from work who I was jealous of, and I was worried that would be understandably humiliating to me: invite her, she rejects me, I go, and then she goes there with another guy. this never happened hahahaha. I really dont think she ever hung out with that guy much. good hahaha. ]
and then it mysteriously starts playing filosofem, during The Song, so i back it up to a good point. after the screechy guitar part ends, and dem 3 notes which repeat forever. oh yeah.

so i figured, take a valium pretty soon and see if that helps. or maybe right after i buy the beer. pretty nervous about that too!!!
not gonna bring a relaxer, but i dont think im responsible for needing to do that anyway!

[I of course do not drink but I brought them some alcohol to share with the drinking guests.]

day after. sunday. march 1. 2015. 118pm. neckbearding. got home at like 320 am last night from “party”, turned out pretty well, was even 1 cute gurl there (but i think she was Dating one of the guys there.) turned out well. actually very well. i got socialize with some people from muh job. i brought them some beer for community use. so it was very nice and would like to do it again and i was happy to be invited. everyone was active and playing games and people were still going strong at 230 am when the first person left, and i left with them, because i was f00king TIRED and EXHAUSTED and couldn’t believe nobody left earlier. but I snuck out somewhat awkwardly, but i needed to. came home, did small relaxer, and went right to bed.

would have been nice to go with female friend, but it was jsut fine wihtout her. plus i am OBSESSED with her in an unhealthy way, always thinking about her. not good. also she has become a Net Loss on my life, adding more Negative rather than Positive. So I should “let her go” hahahahahahhaha. deleted phone number from phone. maybe i should block her on facebook.

well i learned that blocking would unfriend, which would make me look butthurt. so i just turned off chat and Unfollowed her.

[ok this is exactly the type of Valuable INformation I am hoping to highlight by posting these hahaha. to show i was thinking SOME reasonable thoughts about the Rel.]

maybe i will do SOME cleaning, for like 30 minutes, then one last relaxer, then finish ….
back at 4 pm. was somewhat productive. had the last relaxer, then laboriously cleaned the floors, countertops.
now want to do a little neckbearding, will do more tidying up later
kinda did that. took the final final relaxer.  then go right to bed, big day tomorrow!
and great news the poker is back with the new site.
enjoying super refreshing sidral mundet apple soda.
march 3 2015, tues nite, 721 pm,
female friend is being godawful. i am ready to just let her go. cut her loose. dead weight. is adding no value. has sucked more value than added value, total. a net loss. [yuppppppppppppppppppppp]
later, 1228 am, dark, ok turned on light.
RUNDGANG IS SONG OF MONTH FEB / MARCH 2015!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and then that can go on yer mix tape of the year.

[from burzum filosofem. yeah its great stuff. classic album.]

[everything in square brackets is current commentary from april 2016. there is also some stuff from these I am redacting haha.]
have said wrote thought and said everything there is to be said about ff, no point in even talking about her here!!!!!!!!!!! have heard it ALL before. right now i am backing off of her 90000000 miles. trying to at least, doing ok the past couple days but sent her 1 stupid text yesterday, of course she did not respond, so now i am backing way off.
march 4 day off, AND tomorrow off as well. i took some “mental health” days because every day of my job is liek war, draining and stressful all day, and you’d rather lose the money than go into work becuase its so HARD and rough!

did game and relaxer yesterday. had a bad cough and took some dayquil to go to sleep. hope i do not have bronchitis some smoking too many relaxers.
going to the bathroom like aboss. i think i may try to do a relaxer tonight, and then “go for a powerwalk” and try to find a place in the nearby park to enjoy it. stands to reason. i have a couple ideas.
wow slowest computer ever. flash crashing constatntly.just trying to lisdten to music on youtube and play settlers and hehehe. it is too much for the 2 gb of ram to handle i think. [at this time I took the plunge and bought the new laptop I am using 1 year later hahahaha now.]
2 days off wow. the job is so draining all you want to do when getting home, if you can survive, is smoke w33d and sleep and do cuddlebangs with young qt, and getting a young qt is the hardest thing in the world, harder than getting w33d and even harder than surviing the stressful day!!!!
and ff is a dirty n199er loving whore who can f0ck off and die, she is dead to me. lol. [I was not censoring these, haha] but no i will not text her today and not text her tomorrow. by the time i see her on friday which i may not, she will be begging to jump on muh d. if i don’t see her on friday, then i will continue to stay 900000000 miles away from her until monday, when she will want even more toi jump on my d.
i dopnt care, that c00nt is a whore who deserves to be r4ped to d34th like a bitch in india, hahaha. [HYPERBOLE!!!!]
no i will not do the r4ping because i am not a violent person, violence is wrong.
well she certainly deserves to be rejected, cheated on, pumped and dumped, for the rest of her pathetic white trash life. we can save degenerate whites, but when a bitch is a n1993r f00king race traitor, that’s the point they become a lost cause. turn your back and let them drown.
heh. there are obviously much better women out there and i should try to court THEM.
i am just in a huge creepy woman hating phase right now because i am am real mad at her. would like for the anger and creepiness to decrease.
yeah i will go to the park and try to enjoy a relaxer. it is covered in 3 feet of snow and pretty sure i do not have winter boots.
so ff facebook chatted with me which she NEVER does and said she had been very sick since friday and thats why she disappeared. well even if she was taking bl4ck c0ck, it was nice that she lied to save my feelings hahahaha.
so i felt better about her than i have in days so thats good. still not good chances, but i dont like being so ANGRY at her.

[she usually had Credible excuses always like she was SICK or she was with FAMILY. she seemed to show some remorse or sympathy here, and i was always willing to give her the benefit of the doubt.]
soon will go to park to check it out. want it to be like sunset or something. and stuff.
yeahyeah have not had two back to back days off in two months. totes getting burnt out on job and i just want two days off. i can listen to msuic, i can sleep in, i can go down to the park in 10 minutes and try to do the relaxer. that should be interesting. i am thinking to essentially get inside a pine tree surrounded by snow and that will be like a little fort, with privacy.
well did that and it wasnt nearly as fun as i hoped. oh well. it is better now. but at the time it sucked, and i wouldnt want to do it again. well maybe if it was darker. and found a better tree.
problems were, if sometone wanted to see me, they could see a person standing trying to hide by a pine tree and smoking something, possibly crystal meth hahahaha. plus it was extremely loud trudging thru the snow to get there. plus it was windy and freezinf. plus i think it burned faster and i certainly did not enjoy it as much!!!

[its not worth it to take “relaxers” ie DEGENERATE MJ in public parks, too much nervous]

normalfag average successfuls, who can hold down a job, be middle working class, live in their own house, be married and have a family, and are not driven to madness or self destruction by their jobs or their crazy minds or their own laziness.
anyway. i am a lot chiller when things are going ok with ff. and i went from being super mad and wanting her to die, to being happy and in luv with her again, jsut because she messaged me and said she had been sick and showed me the teensiest bit of friendliness. [very back and forth from anger and hate, back to luv. I havent really felt that intense anger towards her since it ended, strangely enough. just mainly sad and disappointed.]
too bipolar and codependent or just dependent on her, eh? yes indeed. , so better that she disappears entirely right, because i could never have a healthy “rel” with her. and now that i like her and don’t hate her, like i did yesterday, i spent a little time looking at pictures of her. GREAT. and thinking of cuddlign and making out and licking sweaty butt juice out of her 4ss crack. [DEGEN WARNING, but you want to do really gross stuff with the one u luv haha.]
ok gotta go to store. get gas. milk. really got to get oil change. this is the stuff of life i have never been too good at.
yeah buddy. march 6, friday, survived day at work, every day is a miracle, one day i am just gonna snap and get fired hahahahahaha oh losing your livelihood is nothing to take seriously!!!!!

but you get quite the education. they don’t train us, because they can get away without training us. because really, we do not have the power to screw things up too bad, and cost the company too much money, and lives are never at stake. well, i guess you COULD delete a bunch of client data and cost the company thousands of dollars that way before they found you and fired you.
so they can get away with putting us in truly ridiuclous situations
welp it kinda sucks that i have w33d but not real way to enjoy it,

but it is awesome that i survived the day and get to go to sleep. maybe i will try some nyquil. actually thats a great idea.
really they just need to tell us what to say. TELL US WHAT TO SAY. I guess that is our job, to figure out what to say. a big part of our job is delivering bad news about stuff that cannot be done; or to explain WHY something can’t be done or why something happened; and that information is never available. . stupid negroes. they can suck my dick.
as someone who doesnt like to lie, it is uncomfortable for me to twist the truth. but since its not a FULL lie, and it’s actually easier than telling the truth here, because then you sound like an IDIOT who doesn’t know what you’re doing, so in that sense it makes sense to lie, like bullshitting. its bullshitting is all it is, really.
like they tell you no eta, and you tell them, TENTATIVE eta of 2 weeks, but that is not firm, yeah i’m sorry, yes i will throw my superiors under the bus, if i ran this company, i would hold them accountable, yes if this style of management keeps up, this company will not be around in 5 years, etc. we at the bottom work the hardest and get no help, etc. tell people to talk to their managers and their managers are either never fooking there, or don’t know what theuy’re doing, or they ARE they manager calling you because they don’t know what theyre doing.

ff is very disappoint. i am in lusting love with her but she feels nothing for me.we are basically at the “please respond” super omega phase, so….. that sucks. just gonna listen to judas priest and neckbeard all day, maybe concoct a plan to enjoy a relaxer later. can either go to the park 4 miles away OR go to the park near house. but find a diff place there.

angry at female friend for never wanting to respond to me, never wanting to hang out with me; angry at self for being so hung up on her, and for only giving effort with her alone and not other people, not just women, but trying to hang out with male friends too!!!!!

if you ever feel the need to write “PLEASE RESPOND” to a grill, it’s gone too far. stop right there and back the fook off, 9000000 miles. she obviously doesn’t want to respond to you and isn’t WORTH your energy.
heh. this is after i was back in luv with female fren a few days ago. it is SO back and forth, up and down, one extreme to the other, bipolar. [wow. funny that 3 months AFTER this I would be BEGGING “please respond” like never before! you see how I should have BLURTED IT OUT in MARCH at the latest! I was clearly going crazy then!!!!]

sunday march 8 1037 am, just “sprang fwd” to dyalight savings time and LOST a precious hour of SLEEP!!!!!!!! so i am butthurt about that.

then i came home and neckbearded till about 9 pm then went to bed and slept.
texted ff once and she did not respond. same as yesterday. come on. well i will know better, i will not text her today!!!! unbeleiveable. the gall of this b1tch hehehehe. well it doesn’t bode well for me to be so attached to her, when she could care less about me!!!!!
welp gotta go to church now. well i will just skip out of course!!!!
ok leave in like 40 mintues. no shower. smell horrible. look like a slob.
but yeah it sucks being bipolar about her, and utterly un movable about everything else. priorities are way out of whack. they kinda have been for most of my life. i was never really worried about career as much as i was worried about women. how stupid is that?
ok leave in 17 minutes.
well as long as i can get thru each day of work. which i kind of can, with my new flashcards system, and my leanring to BS better, and my cutting corners. all good skills and habits to learn hahaha.

i mean those things ARE good if it helps the company, makes more money, etc. but it is hard to say for our dept. lot of gray area, which means we are very expendable. like, how much money is the company really going to lose if they have a big technical problem? and how much money does our department want to spend to solve it, or can they just lay people off and say it’s not worth it to spend the money to fix it? important business questions.

but i am glad my female friend got rejected for the job she interviewed for. hahaha. welcome to my world baby. no escape. get used to being rejected. its a fact of life. life goes on. pretty young women dont get rejected enough.

but yeah i wish this b1tch would respond to me. or at least that i were more popular with more b1tches, so it wouldn’t MATTER if one measly b1tch did not respond to me, id have 5 more responding to me. damn. b1tches and wh0res.
540 pm well i sent her a text which is just a🙂 and that is all. no supplicating for forgiveness, ok actually this is a facebook message not a text. no begging, just a simple🙂 which is still pretty beta.
i might try a relaxer

well, my company doesn’t train people, in my job, so that means they tacitly approve of me BS’ing to the callers. meaning i have the freedom to tell them what i want. but i should still have some stock bs answers ready, because the company won’t give you those.

when in doubt, say that the process is known to fail 1% of the time. this is one of those times. fortunately it’s easy to fix and should not happen again. if it does, that means something else is wrong, call us back please.
this is kinda like medicine, but also kinda not, because it’s very difficult to determine the cause of anything.
say yeah its unfortunate we can’t determine the cause of these. computers are actually a million times more unpredictable than a human body. we just have to be grateful to alleviate the symptoms. these computers do not have a useful life of more than three years anyway.

if you think i am pessimistic you should talk to your managers manager because that is your best chance to have a talk with a real decision maker.

Anonymous 03/08/15(Sun)20:09:09 No.16935165▶
The robot who is on the verge of normalcy faces a great dilemma: does he wait for who knows how long to find a girl that meets his standards, ridiculous or not, or does he settle for a girl he will inevitably be disgusted by to remove his loneliness for a while?


march 10
they dont train us, because time and experience has proven, they don’t NEED to train us, it doesn’t add enough value to train us, in fact, they LOSE money by training us. because they just need a warm body who can not get emotional, and write down facts without emotion, and then if it gets escalated, the people who might understand a little better can use those facts to piece together the puzzle. and this is more efficient than training us. or else they would train us, if that were more efficient.

i could go up to a manager and be like why don’t you train us? hahahahahaha.
because it really doesn’t matter.

march 11
i just bought a new computer for 443 dollars. damn. it has double the ram so i hoping its twice as fast. i prob should have sprang for even more ram but i am just so sick of this computers slowness. i can’t even run tabs and sheet.
probably won’t be super fast.
anyway i kind of need this sort of big 444 dollar purchase to be an impulse toherwise i won’t do it.
ok mfer lets do it.
well i did that and its done. definite pros and cons, risks and such, not proud, et

Barfly – Opening scene (Booker T. & The MG’s – Hip Hug-Her …
▶ 4:13
Nov 2, 2010 – Uploaded by Dani Carpi
Barfly – Opening scene (Booker T. & The MG’s – Hip Hug-Her) …Am I the only one in the world that thought this great songsounded a bit like …

[it is a great song but not sure which song i thought it was supposed to sound like!!!!! perhaps “the changeling”, the opening song on the doors great final album “la woman.”]

oh yeah just moved this stuff onto notepade.
notepad is 90000000 times faster.
saving the txt file on google drive.

i just prefer this kind of writing program atm.

notepad is hardest core and best writing program.
yes this is much better than docs.

keep checking fb like a beta because i sent ff a fb msg early in the day. the first one was a long “fun” one abotu music; then i though oh no that’s creepy, so i sent her a short one at the end of the day, very short, testing to see if she would chat then. not surprisingly she did not. [trying to do small talk about common interest of music, prob to show her I am still that same kewl guy she became friends with]

gotta go to bed soon. hope that new computer is faster because if not i am screwed.
march 12 2015

[the new computer is faster and it has provided me great value for 13 months so far. I enjoy it. no regertz]


Yeah I found some more so get used to this shit hahahaha. ok paste one more in this post.

uhhh took my post office test 473 and got 86.9 on it. i guess 70 is the minimum and 100 is the max? I did Well except for the final part, which involves memorizing addresses, and my MEMORY is HORRIBLE from all the ABUSE I did to my brain from ages 16-26 hahahaha. more like wawawawawawawa. it is not funny, hahaha. wawawawa.






march 2015 txt:::: [current comments in [] ]

mar 17 2015
had big screw up w ff today when i went to talk to her and i was getting creepy again which is never good, i honestly could be overestimateing that tho, very hard to tell who was the bad guy there. i like to think it was her! she said please just leave and i left. but i was just shocked more than anything. was having a not horrible day, but she wasnt making it any better!!! i had good talks with 2 people, investigated some good issues, still gotta get quicker wiht the escalations so i try to do everything first then write shortest book possible, crammed with all info. noice got a noice new mouse installed, it looks noice. i am thinking of the jason sudeikis char on cleveland show, hilarious. one of the new comedians thats actually any good.

dont like gdocs. prefer notepad but i dont wanna sync it w google drive download, trying to avoid that one as much as possible. leaves all sorts of files under users.

fook it , starting a notepad, see that.

ok here we go.

playing some cards, swc is back! love it.

now just gotta rememebr to save this dam txt file!


cleveland saying donna she is a shamefully obese widow, in reference to kendra. this show is so underrated. i should buy a dvd haha.

but it sucks about ff. i really wanted to avoid looking like the bad guy. i want her to text me and say im sorry for once hahaha. but she prob wont. 90 10.
and so when i see her again on thursday i got to stay away from her like THE PLAGUE. no nothing. total 100% avoidance. maybe one stupid smiley face at the end of the day at very most.

so yeah it never feels good to have a major screwup like that! but i did ok with my new priority programname tech. and then to finish the day with ok behaviour towards her, to have it all build up from like 530 to 6 pm, is riduclous! and diappoiting of course.

hard to say how many people noticed, i hoped not a lot.

[ I was surviving decently well with My Calls it looks like. I was doing well and fairly confident all day, having a good day, UNTIL I went to talk to her at the end of the day, and she was very bitchy and I went completely crashing down I guess. I dunno I just wanted to chit chat with her before leaving. seeing her was the highlight of my day. and seeing me was something she dreaded and could do without. she never came to visit me, I always came to visit HER, and then I stopped doing that because thats what she wanted hahahaha.]

hmm i guess i was in the wrong because i was distracting her from her work, and i would not like to be distracted during my work. it is just physically impossible. so maybe she was not lying when she said she wasnt mad at me.

even hard to say how mad she actually is cuz i neveer get much info out of her. things are pretty bad.

[yes. should have blurted it out.]

and i cannot be the bad guy. that is the most important thing.

well, not really, but it is very important.

[it is! because I didnt want it to be ALL MY FAULT!!!!!]

or she could just not be mad and just brushing it off. in which case its probably better that she IS mad, because that means she cares, rather than runnig off sucking n199er c0ck. and partying with all the more alpha men at werk, getting spit roasted like a whore.

or even just making out with other guys. i get very jealous when i am not given a chance. yep i do sound like the bad guy eh.

but yeah it sucks, i wish she would just text me with SOMETHING and just let me know.

so yeah i hope she is lying and she is mad….i think? it is just as confusing as the confusing stuff we do all day. and i told her i hate being confused all day, in refernece to the job.

but i am actually performing better on the job than i am
performing with her. but still stressed out about both.

bottom line, situation there JUST SUCKS. it JUST SUCKS altogether. heh. i am mad at HER.

but i still like her too, so i cant be TOO mad. but i shouldn’t like her so much cuz its stupid, and she doesn’t like me back, and she makes me fairly mad. stressed and confused nad anxious.

so yeah obviously i should avoid her like the plague on thursday. well that takes care of that eh.

[i didnt want to avoid her though. I was struggling to Rein it in and Dial It Back, but I still wanted Closure and Communication. I couldn’t avoid it until it went away. It wasnt gonna go away for me. I should blurted it out and wrote her an email right then. in march. not july. coulda saved four months hahaha. that is thousands of dollars.]

yeah its terrible that i CARE so much and worry so much and she doesn’t give a damn at all, AND on top of that, she won’t give me dat ass that she gives tons of other guys. of course im entitled to it, we actually KNOW each other!!!!

well like i said, i plan on dumping her completely if things are not looking good by the end of april. that is the absolutely laterst deadline, and them i am dumping her like the dead weight white trash whore dirty tramp she is.

[see I was getting pretty angry at her and how she was avoiding and ignoring me. shoulda said THIS ENDS NOW. WE NEED TO TALK NOW. also i didnt have any PROOF she was slutting it up with other guys, but I was jealous that she was friendlier to other guys than to me. plus disgusted by her past Mudsharking.]

and i can’t even inquire about the status right now, becuase that would be too invasive. but i would like such an update, was hoping she would send me an apology to be honest.

but yeah that came out of nowhere. she just spun around and faced me and told me to please leave. wow. i was so taken aback. i said ok and quickly left without argument, probably squeezing in a few sorrys as well.

i have been saying sorry way too much, esp when i don’t really feel that much at fault, if anything the blame is 55 45 ON HER!

maybe even 60 40 she’s the bad guy!

but even if im the good guy, i still dont get to be with her wahhhhhhhhhhh life of loneliness ftw. and the nice memories we did have, they really were good and it would be so sad to end this way. but i don’t want to be just friends with her any more and am willing to risk the whole thing for a chance. but to also not be the bad guy beyond that.

[well it actually ended in an even SADDER way….]

march 18
sheeeeeeeeiiiiiiiittttt. stupid female friend, wish she never existed! judas priest is the only thing that can save me now. live vengeance 82 in memphis. make a cd of that.

welp that means i got to downlaod stupid programs to the comp.

it is also very resassuring to me that rob halford, a scrawny, weak-chinned, homosexual, bald, short, man can be such a huge masculine badass. if he can do it, so can ANYBODY. and to do it so convincingly and sincerely. no hint of compensating for anything.

and if women think you’re weird for loving a gay man, then they can go fook themselves, rob halford is way cooler than some bitch.

ok made that cd.
next plan is to take shower, make relaxer, go out and do that, go to store, get bananas, fish oil, maybe soda, maybe gas, peanuts, stuff.

f00king bitch, i am very mad at her!!!! at how she could just not care about me at all and totally leave me holding the bag. bagholder. leaving me in the LURCH and just j00ing me like a bitch.

i wish she would say sorry to ME rather than me apologizing to HEr 900000000 times a day because she thinks i’m weird.

i have always got rejected because i was too weird. bitches always think i’m too weird, then they don’t want to hang out with me, forget making out or physical or even emo action.

f00k bitches, all i need is gay rob halford and judas priest.

but yeah if shes gonna be a big whore giving that ass to everyone else, then YES i AM ENTITLED, bitch. give me a little bit too, if youre just a promiscuous whore!!!! [again no proof, just angry at her, and jealous]

also i afeel a bit sold out. not necessarily betrayed, but i just thought we were simply better friends than for her to totally dump me like that. because im not cool enough, or too weird, or too needy, or i want to talk to her too much, or whatever. wtf. [not necess betrayed! Even at my most angry I knew she wasnt betraying me. but she was leaving me high and dry.]

that feel when you have officially fallen in luv with a grill and she hasn’t explicitly rejected you YET, so you get false hope. and things are finally starting to get nice and tense, worrisome, stressful. you a re close to getting your official rejection. sweet.

but at least SOMETHING is happening.i was glad to push her to do something, buttttttt i dont want to look like the bad, creepy, weird guy, abusing this poor innocent wimmin.

and yet i still want to text her and talk to her and “figure this out!”

so i watch degen porno to get mind off her, and then imagine her doing that with all these other guys but never me!!!!! [yeah I should not have been watching degen porno, but then i was convinced it was a tool to help me get over her, and not think about HER. maybe it was, but I am glad I quit watching that stuff a few months after this.]

wow eveything ive type PROVES i am the bad guy! non bad guys dont think like this! and this is not the good kind of bad guy, but rather the creepy weird beta omega virgin who never pulls pussy!!!!!

march 18
gotta go to bed super soon, big day tomorrow. cannot contact ff at ALL ENTIRE DAY, still on fence abut the one smiley at very end of day, but that would prob be creepy, so, dont do it.

think of my reputation!!!!!!! on the job i mean!!! yikes i am aleady in too deep. or at least the semi normies on /adv would advise, but its a fun forum anyway.

well at least i have the time before she gets in. it is gonna be no easy three days though. dear god have mercy on us all.

msrch 21
playing cards, jpriest, skepticism ethere ep, did ok on cards, still 90 out of 100 bankroll though. great music, did relaxer in left side of park, ver tired now, 1227 am, just about to go to bed here. female fren is retarded and i wish we could just hang out. probabl shell hang out with me like end of april and then say oohhhh im so happy now and i found a new BOIFRAN too! hooray for me taking n199er c0x!

[no she DIDNT hang out with me end of april. but she did finally confess she had a family issue. so i felt guilty about pushing her. but I still think she could have taken 5 minutes and wrote me an email. communicated somehow.]

and then i will say see ya, have a shitty life, white trash, you deserve it.

march 22 sunday morning. 9 am. i seem to have been getting up early sunday morn. neckbeardih, judas priest TURBO, getting uh better call saul in, watching episode 2 now, taking a break now. will goto church at 12 but do relaxer BEFORE then sit in the back with the zipperheads.

now in bathroom doing decadence.

varg v has a great recent vidya to all the pvssy f4ggots whining about not be able to finda good women, all women are whores, mgtow, omega, virgins, etc, and his first video to deal directly with this topic.
FAINT HEARTS DO NOT WIN FAIR LADIES, is the norse proverb he repeats here. stop being a littl epvssy f4ggot bitch, and do something manly, brace, heroic, and the decent women will come to you. kind of like he did with his music and pro-white work. you have to be above average in some way. so he got himself a decent woman, and now has 4 or 5 kids with her. can’t blame him!

turbo jp.
sentenced love and death, particular dreamlands.
jp out in the cold, followed by dreamlands, in the march 2015 mix haha.

march 25
wed day off, being semi productive, listening to jp sentinel, dotf.
about to go to store and do a relaxer on the way. [DEGEN!!!!!]

just waiting 12 minutes for washing machine to stop. then i will go.

ff [female friend] is still being a n1993r loving cvnt. really bad. i deserve better. well i once deserved better. but this is about as good as i deserve now…..and i still can’t pull it!

[I didnt and I do not and I will not even like MUDSHARKING. it is DISGUSTING. and DISGUSTING that the luv of my life would ever do something like that. NOT EVEN ONCE.]

she is nicer when i ignore her, so i will try to ignore her. job is really bad and i would love her moral support, but she is utterly refusing to give it, the ice cold bitch. plus she finds the job bearable because HER job is TEN times easier. and she thinks its MY problem that i am always stressing out. well bitch, my job is TEN times harder than yours, thats why i’m stressing out. easy for YOU to “go with the flow” dummy. i don’t have that luxury. check your privilege. i jokingly told her to check her livechat privilege but she blew it off, she will never admit her job is easier than mine.

[i was bitter because I believed doing livechats was easier than doing phones. when really i prob would have been miserable on livechats too. I was just butthurt because she was much better at Not Letting The Job Bother Her than I was.]

so i have been joining this other clique and feeling good to be appreciated. then yesterday i went around walking for an hour helping people more than i have done in recent memory. of course ff did not see it. i was hoping she would so i could blatantly walk by her and NOT help her, because she never needs help, shes so smart.

[i was on a personal mission to stay after my shift for an hour, and walk around, and help newer people who clearly needed help, but the department had gotten rid of physical people walking around giving help, cut costs. I thought that was horrible. So I stayed after work and did this unpaid. I wanted to also show HER how much SMARTER I was than her, and I was chomping at the bit for her to ask me for help. but she never did. well I was SMART, look at all the OTHER people who love me and think I’m smart.]

i even talked to the pretty girl i want to wife up, but she was a little bitchy too. i guess all women are bitches hahaha. or i bring out the bitchiness in women. still she is a higher quality woman than ff, and i think she has drawn male attention away from ff, which is good.

[there was a new gurl who was like a younger, prettier version of that woman. and indeed guys would probably white knight for her before they would white knight for That Woman.]

shes probably a huge bitch due to all the male attention she gets because she is so pretty.

well thank GOD for muh chat room [social/casual/friendly work chat room, not official level 2 chat room] and the friendly people there who give ME moral support. that has def made a positive impact.

also, my flashcards.
also, my walking around on the call floor is good for me becuase it helps ME learn so i am more confident later.

[this is very true. i wasnt doing this for the sole purpose of bragging to her. I really DID want to help the new people. I really DID have a vendetta against the company having bad training and eliminating physical support walkers. as opposed to getting ALL your level 2 advice from a gayass Chat Room. it REALLY helps to have a real person who can look at your screen and talk to you right there.]

it is a lot easier to LEARN and THINK when you don’t have the PRESSURE of a caller holding, making you NERVOUS. damn son.

heh march 25 finished doing my income taxes, getting 1700 dollars back from uncle sam, 160 dollars from muh state. not bad eh?

march 28 2015

PANTERA LIVE 1988. this and defenders era live priest.
march 29 810 am
got out of bed early, went to bed at 930 pm, was violently tired and couldn’t force myself to watch tv or neckbeard.
then got a solid 9 or 10 hours or sleep, def need more!

i did a small relazer yesterday where i used my cigaret machine to inject the mixture into a regular cigaret tube. then i tried punching holes in the filter and pulling out some of the filter. because i don’t want any precious relaxation getting filtered out! but i wanted it to look like a normal cigarete rather than a realy suspicious conical relaxer, so that really does bring down the anxiety level there. but the thing is done faster and i worry that some of it might be wasted.

oh well, it was pretty good and i think with the right tools i could remove the filter better. like a pin or paper clip or exacto knoife.

[you can just squeeze the filter out, throw away half, then stuff the other half back in there. OR use a little rolled up piece of flashcard and no cotton filter.]

pantera should NOT have abandoned their power metal days so abruptly. phil had a great halfordesque voice that he threw away too quickly. cowboys was fine, no problem there, but then the big tuff guy switcheroo after that was too much. and no reason to stop playing the power metal songs live. power metal is an awesome album and them turning their back on it is a little weak. when phil was 20 years old he could hit all those same notes live. see live 1988 and 1989 recordings. him and dime were not falling down sloppy drunk like degen199ers. [great word coinage hahaha. and yeah all this music talk is correct.]

and the cfh is filled with halford highs in every song, i wish he didn’t stop that so soon. i used to think the highs were corny but now i fully appreciate them, and i appreciate where they came from: halford.

best thing to do with ff [female friend] is: NOT text or message her today. i turned off fb chat. leave it off. i should have never friended her. i might just leave fb for a month and then have her unfriended when i come back. [wrong: best thing to do would say THIS ENDS NOW, WE NEED TO TALK. BLURT IT OUT. it was SIX MONTHS already. I was playing according to her rules. I could have been ASSERTIVE and said NO I will not let you continue to walk all over me like this. you are crossing my boundaries. tradeucing them hahahaha.]


sunday still. 12 54 pm. listening to priest…live! opens with out in the cold.

poker site down again haha. trying not to text ff today. would be great to accomplish that goal.plus its obviously the smarter thing to do. [nope see above]

march 31
well today action is happening and i am awaiting the big official LJBF/dumping email in the next 12 hours, at 1148 pm i thought it might be here, but NO. well i checked at least. we had a good work chat  where she was starting to respond positively but her redneck language prevented her from communicating the full ideas, but it seemed to suggest an email forthcoming. rut ro reorge.

[I think I was under the impression that she would send me an email. I think during our “good work chat” I encouraged her to write me an email. But I didnt come out and say “please write me an email for sure.” I felt she did understand that I wanted her to write me an email, but really she probably didnt. She did not end up writing one hahaha. But for a while I really thought she was, and I thought it would be some good closure.]

i am prepared for the absolute worst, stay away from me weirdo, to which i would i would gladly respond, glady cupcake. have fun being the new company slut ya whore! taking all comers except one!

but it could be something different, but still 95% BAD outcome. i am not optimistic about the outcome at ALL. but i am still eagerly awaiting it, because at least it means this chapter in muh life can END. hehe worlds biggest closure fan.jpg

i made a small joke of her going to the concert with this guy from job, who is notably younger, taller, handsomer, less bald haha, a bit trimmer more proportionate, who i had long suspected ff with haha, well she tells me she went with him and i was like ouch babe lol. glad to see who’s in the cool kids club lol, thats ok, im already over it B) [i did make a joke about this, because I was kinda upset about her going with him and not even inviting me. I said I like going to concerts with yooooou even if I do not know the Artist very well. it would be fun. you know I like all kinds of music right? then joked about her thinking this guy was cooler than me now, guess she was getting bored of me after 2.5 years hahaha. and then she responded to that work chat by saying nooooo we (me and her) are good friends, you are a way better friend than he is, etc, whcih was exactly what I was fishing for. ]

but yeah the email will send some kind of clear sign that i must abide by in order to keep moral high ground. no exceptions. this is THE END. i can actually breathe a sigh of relief for this being FINSHED. and then i have only the job haha. [well, i was HOPING I would get an email that sent a clear sign. I should have shown the initiative and done that myself and said LISTEN. THIS ENDS NOW.]

play a little cards.

april 1
hmm still waiting on that email that gives me muh precious closure hahaha. [there was a misunderstanding of course.]

also everyone at our job could get laid off today. i wouldn’t mind, the job sucks that bad. and if you convert my money made in 2014 to that of a full time worker, uh then i made less than 10 dollars an hour. so a 12 dollar hour job would be a big step up, provided it has no layoff.

and signing up for company healthcare was a BIG mistake, i will never use it, stuff like dentist and docker office visits, are not affected. finding a new doctor and paying for their office visit is like 120$ copay or whatever, and that’s with insurance. or the insurance just doesnt cover anything. previous doctro was 80 bucks for office visit. i have to find another old white cheap docter hehehe. he is retiring or sick and that is kinda sad, i should see what happened to him. [he had a ridiculous fraud, prescription, sex scandal hahaha and went to prison]


just waiting for the email of doom. i mean i really deserve and am entitled to a positive outcome here but 90% will get screwed because i always get screwed by women when it comes to not being rejected haha. can never get my cuddlez and make outs and datez let alone masculine reamings. no hangouts, no nothing. no good, all bad. damn. bitches be bitches man. wipe them off the face of the earth, not before raeping the shit out of them! disgusting degenerate idiot subhumans. [HYPERBOLE!!!!]

averagefags have disappointents with wimmin too, but the good eventually outweighs the bad. not for the likes of us lost souls: the bas has outweighed the good, so we have a generally negative attitude towards women, because women have sucked for us more than they’ve been ok!!!

cons of my ff is that she is a white trash n1993r lover from a very broken family who is dumber than i give her credit for, and doesn’t really like me, and is incraeasingly becoming more degen as time goes on and she gets OLDER.

pros are that she used to be really nice and friendly and decent and non-degen and low-number, and kind and caring and gentle. that is the version of her i fell in luv with.

o how things have changed!

today i should be given a medal for getting out of bed. i am now on the crapper. need to eat breakfast, take shower, start laundry, do a little grooming, prepare relaxer, go to store, come home, hoepfully do powerwalk, then go to BED for three horrendous days coming up, with an email of final doom in there, and having to see her n199er loving whore face for 2 days lol. [I make no apologies for calling her a n199er loving whore hahahaha. I am DISGUSTED by mudsharkery. yeah her mudsharkery could have been worse, and I dont even have proof she BANGED the guy. maybe she nonsecsually dated him for like 5 months and he was like sheeeeeeeeeeit dis white bitch don wanna gibs me dat ass, den i goan get sum dat ass from mah hoodratz bitches son. also he was a charming, light skinned, probably pretty white acting black. NO EXCUSE THOUGH.]

or maybe our center closes today and we all get laid off today. i would not mind. [kind of job where you look forward to being laid off cuz you just cant go on without knowing there is a light at the end of the tunnel. hooray get at least 8 weeks off and get to collect unemployment. free at last, etc.]

ok bathroom, shower, laundry, breakfast, now its 108 pm, time for a nap hahahaha. no i was going to do relaxer now. waiting for email of doom, knowing her she prob wont even write it and i will be waiting for naught. btiches will disappoint you on EVERY front, no stone unturned of disappointment. i might just have to grab her by brute force. she would probably like the masculine gesture. [HYPERBOLE ]

uh oh maybe she didnt mean she was gonna write the email, but it was a big company announcement. the more i think abotu it, the more this is very probable, because we may get an email today saying were all fired. [she might have mentioned AN email in our chat, when she was talking about a Big Work Email, not a Big Personal Email she was gonna send me!]

but in this case i kinda embarrassed myself with the emotional confession from me yesterday! [Can’t remember what was said. I think it was a work chat where I apologized like a pvssy for making her snap at me, BUT that I also missed her and I felt like I was losing her and I really couldnt go forever with no hanging out. so, KINDA asserting myself. but not assertively enough hahaha. and there was an idea that there might be some kind of email, and I thought oh goody she’s finally gonna open up to me and communicate. NOPE!]

so i texted her and joked about it and she sort of conceded some emotionality herself. but i dont think she was meaning to write me an email with a clear sign, nope not at all. damn. she is still oblivious as fook.

foooook. so, right back where we were, no progress made, no new information gleaned, no motion. kinda frustrating, if she does not hang out with me soon i am done. what a b. i dont have time for b’s, i got 99 problems and a b aint 1.

[yeah that was disappointing. another chance for communication, shot down in flames.]

april 4
insanely angry at ff. shouldnt have texted her tonight but it was the minimum of words possible. prob wont get a response. prob her and her whore mother banged a bunch of n199ers when they were at this thing. and now shes going out getting banged by the guy from work, when she has blown me off and rejeted me many times over the past 6 months literally. blow me off and blow this guy. whats almost as bad as that is the implicatin that i am totally inferior to him. she doesn’t want to hang out with me, she eagerly wants to hang out with him and get F00KED like a dirty whore by him, and i can even GET her to hang out wiht me EVER. f00k. i mean she is just being RIDICULOUS. she says we are “good friends” but she is full of shit. i am furious at her and have pretty much officially swtiched over from love to hate. oh great. this is the real fun part! well, i was well on my way earlier. it was obviously getting to this point. it sucks. hate and jealousy along wtih the bitterness and disappointment, hahaha. increases the risk of me angrily snapping at her, which will make her the winner. i still have one thing to hope for, and that’s being the WINNER. not being the bad guy. having the MORAL HIGH GROUND and HER being the one at FAULT. it’s way more her fault than mine. 90 10.

[yep not a good day there hahaha. lots of anger. I never got this angry after it was over!]

usual hard stupid greuling mind destroying day of work, and one of my male moral supporters was sick, and i avoided calls, but i still did ok, withstood pretty well, and the best part was that SHE was not there today. that was the best part. without her there it’s….not tolerable but quite a bit better. i prefer not seeing her if she is going to be a huge cvnt to me, screwing me over, leaving me in the lurch, hanging, she has pretty much abandoned me in the sense that SHE has given up on me and i am not happy about it.  [abandoned eh? hhehehe. yes indeed. ya dont say. also there were 2 days i worked but she was off those days. at first I thought it sucked not being able to see my Ray Of Sunshine, the Best Part Of My Day….but as things got worse, I looked forward to the days where I wouldn’t have to see her. it was chiller that way. makes me think I probably could have survived the job if she werent there.]

i cannot get her to hang out with me on satruday ngiht, and she is out hanging out with other more exciting more charismatic alpha males when she said she was a shy and not a party person.  getting fucked by alpha males, spreading easily like easy sleazy whore, as she gives these men pleasures i have only dreamed of. damn. god damn dirty whore. [very angry hahaha. not sure if I was referring to a specific saturday night, or any one of the saturday nights that she avoided hanging out with me, had become a disappointing pattern, haha]

went for 30 minute walk to day and had a relaxer and it was sweet. i have the new perfect method, make the relaxer in my cigarette injector. and then take out HALF the filter and stuff the other half back in. and then it looks just like smoking a cig, which decreases the nervousness a LOT. GREAT idea.  [DEGEN!!!!]

i am SO angry at her, almost violently. yep. it si kinda scary how hateful i am getting towards her. like she can f00king d13, the f00king worthless whore. piece of shit. r43p the shit out of her. f00king whore, piece of worthless shit, white trash, whore, f00king tons of guys except me, saying we are friends when she wont even hang out with me, hangs out with other guys and eagerly spreads her cvnt for them and they get some of that so easily which i want so badly, not just to pound that pvssy, but her love and attention and desire and to really be wanted by her, to be liked and lusted after by her. f000000000k. [wow i was emotional back then too hahaha. no i never did anything violent OR creepy to her.]

that relaxer was great. little less amount than the longer ones, but still just enough.

well when she talks to me i have to lie and say i had a ton of fun this weekend AND ESP that i hung out with my FRIENDS and had fun SOCIALISING with them. with my FRIENDS, who you are not, and you were NOT invited to this one [party with male friend?], u popular bitch getting c0x. jealous that she would give that which i want so bad so easily to other people, [no proof, and probably not even happeneing, hahaha] and i cant even get a LITTLE, which ive wanted so bad for TOO LONG. heh. yes six months is WAY too long. THIS ENDS NOW. [heh I said it even then. but didnt DO it. should have DONE it.]

yeah the job gets in the way but i would make time for her, like right now. and she talks and laughs and has fun with other people at the job, yet she f00king forbids me from ever visiting her. last time i visited her she flipped out and got all angry and scary and told me to leave now. i left and since then i havent come back. yet we still CHAT as if nothing weird is happening.  [she was controlling the Rules of Engagement AND avoiding the tension]

maybe she is pushing me to get angry just as i am pushing her to get angry because she wants ME to look like the bad guy, exactly like i want HER to look like the bad guy.

PERFECT way to do that is her be a whore and get f00ked by other guys, then i flip out.

therefore, she WILL f00k other guys, make sure i know about it, probably that guy from job…..and then i MUST not get angry. and then she looks like a cheap whore, and i look like a cool dude, who is too GOOD for such a trifling whore. which is exactly the reputation i want.

but doing that wont be easy. but surviving til layoff is a good first step. but that was especially when i wanted to hang out with her!!!!!

so when she says shes “dating” bla bla i can say, hmm, kinda sucks you refused to give me a chance baby, then she says huh what, then i say, yeah i was obviously asking you to hang out for the past 6 months but you always shot me down. i mean i can r43p you right now, but yeah you really screwed me baby, and i am not happy about it. in fact, this is the last time you’ll see me. f00k you whore, have a shitty life. f00k off and die like your stupid whore friend. you suck, you piece of shit. [i thought it would end with her being a whore, rather than her Abandoning me. I thought she was actually hang out with me and talk to me at some point!]

i wrote like 10 text drafts like that last night hahahaha. it might have been 4/3/15 that i crossed the ultimate rubicon of hate.

[duly noted, good to have a timeline hahaha. also, writing draft texts that you never send is a HALLMARK SIGN that this needs to END NOW. BLURT IT OUT NOW.]

so tired. gotta go to stupid easter mass. will probably do relaxer before it, maybe one in the afternoon too. [ god damn. this is iron clad proof the relaxers are degenerate.]

during the 4 days of the week i see her, i want to try taking 1 valium in two halves, one in morning, one at mid day.

be cool with her. tell her how much fun i had with my friends. just straight up LIE to her to try to bang her. she doesn’t DESERVE the truth. i will just lie lie lie lie lie to try to bang her like the flthy whore she is. and then continue lying to her until i have banged her 200 times or so and am totally sick of her, and use her as a practice girl for MUCH higher quality girls like the other gurl at job. who is prettier and less white trash and hopefully less of a slut, well at least less of a n1993r loving slut.

and i don’t hate black guys, but i do strongly dislike n1993 f00king white bitches. especilly when my so called friend turns out to be one.

heh. well i prob hate her more than she hates me. she is just annoyed at me and wants to make me angry. i f00king hate her whore guts and wouldn’t mind seeing her life destroyed. i am not gonna do antyhing violent or criminal to her or anyone though. no violence or criminal stuff. but maybe shaming pictures of her being a whore, posted all around her neighborhood, facebook, and especially at the job. well, i would def not get hired back if i did that haha, and that prob is criminal. [NO CRIMINAL STUFF! I never did any of this of course. and yeah I kinda wish i COULD be that hateful and angry towards her again, it’s better than being sad and devastated.]

so lie, say i had so much fun, i went to see bla bla movie, bla bla concert, went to this fun thing, oh it was great, it was fun, me and my friend had such a good time, oh which friend, oh my friend make up name, could not say the girl from the job, because she might ask that girl. have to come up with a fake name. how about that young cute gurl who is going to MEDICAL SKOOL who i met at the young man’s party. she was cute, young, not a whore, and was going to medical sckool immed after undergrad, 22 or 23 years old at the oldest.  YEP just say her.oh how do you know her. oh just a friend of a friend, weve been hanging out more, SHE’S REAL COOL, real awesome new person i’ve been spending time with. [this is passive agressive girly games. dont do this.]

total lies, but i can morally justify it. in too much pain and anger and hate.

yeah THAT is on me, i am getting TOO mad and OVERreacting, but i am certianly entitled to a littl ebit of righteous indignation, even christ would agree!!! and certianly i HAVE gone overboard there. but f00k it. as long as i dont do antyhing stupid.

10 37 holy shit i just got a text back from her, was not expecting that. at around 930 i texted her saying how was bla bla. and now text at 1037. and i am out hanging out with my friends right now. can’t text her back for at LEAST 10 minutes. TEXT GAME BEGINS. i am honestly a little tired to go out, was about to lay down and go to sleep, but we will see. well lets at least record what she said here: [i was out hanging out with friends right now? that really doesnt make any sense. maybe I was just about to leave to go out. i dunno. i dont see myself writing in this while I was hanging out with friends, im just not that rude!!!! not sure what I meant here. OOOOOHHHHHHHH I meant I was playing TEXT GAME and I was PRETENDING I was hanging out with friends, so I look like I’m not sitting around waiting for her to text back like I actually was. look like I have a life. Which i dont, hahaha. how pathetic!]

yes it was so nice meeting him im still trying to process it all still. hope your day at work wasnt too rough and have a good holiday🙂

[ I knew she was meeting this person earlier in the day who…….i cant say too much but I did NOT suspect her of wanting to fook him. he is a middle-aged family man with a wife and children. I think she viewed him as kind of a father figure. well I liked being her father figure too! anyway even if she DID want to fook him, I think he would be decent enough not to fook her.]

wow sounds like something i would write. does not strongly imply she is getting f00ked by bla bla right now, but does not not strongly imply it either! in fact she is putting on whore makeup right now and whorepants and going over to get 00ked right NOW and being happy about it, and throwing me a crumb on her way out the door to be f00ked, and it DOES strongly imply that she does not want to hang out with ME tonight!!! [i was convinced she was going out slutting it up with hot young guys, including the Cool Sexy Level 3 guy from work hahaha]

f00king two faced lying phony fake bitch, i will like to her just like she is a f00king phony nice to me. but i am not phony nice to her! i am honestly a nice guy ™

ahahahahahaha yes i AM a CLASSIC TEXTBOOK niceguy(tm) thining hes entitled to luv just because once friends with grill

well i’m in bed ant too tired to go out, btich should have texted me promptly if she wanted that. or how about at any point during the day saying “yeah ok i am finalyl ready to hang out now, come over at 8 o clock and bangme already”

nope hahahaha. bitch. n1993r loving stupid degenerate disgusting whore.

april 5 easter, 931 am, pooping on toilet

well she did text me back again, and implied she wasn’t out getting f00ked like a n1993rr loving wh0re, and then i felt better about her. but not alot. [its because she did stuff like this that i hadnt lost all hope with her. and its not that she was stringing me along. its because she honestly was a decent person sometimes.]

tell her “it’s easier to get approval to escalate a case than to get approval to hang out with you!” just kidding. but not really lol. [why not just tell her that? I should have. maybe I included it in a work chat she just glossed over. See I could write her stuff but she would MISS it.]

tell her i miss her but i also kinds feel that shes left me hangin and im not sure what she really feels but i am confused and prob she is confused too, well i am confused by her confusing behavior. not confused over the fact i want bang her and go out with her and make her monog gfran.

take shower next, go out to longass easter mass but have a nice relaxer beforehand.

try to write some stuff that i can say, bs talking points to say in the worlds worst situations, to explain the worst disappointmnets. those are the only flashcards i really need.

wrote her a SHORT DRAFT email of real stuff that i should say. i could actualyl send this. but it does need to be as short as possible. [yes i should have actually sent something ASAP.]


go to new file son


END POST hahahahahaha


april 11

where your job is like a constant test, and you have to study outside of work to prepare for that test. do homework for work. where your job is to FIGURE STUFF OUT but you have no idea if its right, and people are counting on you to make sure its right. you might be able to slap some shit together and bullshit about it, but how do you make sure its right???!!! you’d feel a lot more comfortable having a Higher Up check your work, approve it, sign off…..but there’s no time to do that.

i should have taken more valium on the job and tried to stop worrying so much.

even though i exercise a lot NOW, I still worry about THAT job too much!!!!! im not even there and i worry about it!!!

prob because I worry about being sucked into a similar job. like this help desk job that the recruiter is offering me right now. did it have to be help desk. aka service desk. aka technical support. aka CALL CENTER.

some tech people arent expected to resolve shit. they just ROUTE shit, transfer shit. there is actually a tier 0. wow. well, our tier 1 was more harcore than some companies tier 2. our tier 1 would try to resolve shit that in other companies would have gotten escalated 20 minutes ago.

other companies say, its a POLICY: go ahead and escalate if you can’t resolve this within 20 minutes.

i cant believe im still thinking about this!!!! it doesnt even concern me any more!

but i am legit worried abotu having to go BACK to such a job.

and i hate that SHE handles the job, I can’t handle the job, and she didnt say A SINGLE WORD to me when I left the job.

yep gonna have to discuss these things with the shrink tomorrow. and def what i should do about the potential upcoming help desk job.

its like taking a class where there is no instructor and there are no lessons, only tests. no textbook either. and whatever useful information you can find, is very difficult to find, and you dont know which information is useful and which is not, because you have no frame of reference. you do stuff in the documentation until a higher up says dont do that, the documentation’s wrong. well what DO I do then? sometimes you have to ask them that because htey wont tell you, and unless you’re working on that project right now, you’ll forget to ask.

ok, dont do this….then what DO i DO? the person is waiting on hold for me to DO SOMETHING!!!!! and i have no idea what to do!!!! should I just do something technical and bullshit about it? like run the Company Field Setup Script Program and be like yeah it just needs to set itself up again. yep pretty much. oh reboot your main computer that will fix it every time. memory issues. ntfs errors. cant be fixed. corrupt install. its not talking to the database. gotta rip it out and reinstall it, thatll fix it.

these “solutions” address incidents aka issues, but do nothign about PROBLEMS. they completely ignore root cause altogether. we needed a LOT more emphasis on Root Cause Analysis. and that needed to be written into the articles.

valentinas hot sauce from guadalajara mexico. its not fancy, there is probably lead in it. but it tastes real good. not expensive either, like 2 bucks a bottle.

ok its monday better start sending out the resumes. try to do at least 5 or 6. its amazing i have not gotten called for any interviews yet hahahaha. i will be very ready to go to gym at like 7 pm tonight.

Lathe Operator rejected for this position within 30 minutes to an hour. so many people work as Machinists and Machine Operators but these are the ones that reject me the quickest. well i respect their professionalism and expediency in rejecting me hahahahaha.

i might have been a pretty good Machine Operator hahaha. apparently they teach this in some high schools. so you can get out of HIGH SCHOOL and immediately start making 15 DAH at age 18 as a Full Time Machinist. Wow i can even imagine that world. that normie world. kind of like being in a real relationship with a woman for more than 3 months ahahahaha. where you hang out and cuddle regularly and they talk to you when they dump you and try to dump you nicely hahahaha.

ok mother fooker, got in 11 applications today, thats good enough hahahahahahahahahahahaha

you should have seen the 110+ questions I got from this other hospital system. there was ridiculous personality stuff but also just weird stuff that i couldnt decipher, but probably measured how much you need your HAND HELD and how many MISTAKES you make. basically, do it FAST, do it RIGHT, do it without HELP, and if you like clear instructions…..you are not a team player.


also dont BUG your coworkers and especially your MANAGER with questions.


but work FAST on MULTIPLE tasks at the same time and dont make MISTAKES. you should have PLANNED better and not made those mistakes, without asking for help or clear instructions. just do the shit. show initiative and GET YOUR OWN TRAINING if you think you need training.

how can SHE do all this but I cant? how can normies do all this but I can’t???!?!?!?!?!

why dont the same hr experts who write these bullshit tests also write bullshit books for the perplexed job seekers that dont know how to do these things?

how do normies do their jobs? I wish I were as SMART and TOUGH as a NORMIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i wasnt taking the questionnaire seriously at all. maybe they can tell I was FAKING. hahaha

if i were an attractive young woman like her, i wouldnt have any problem getting a job hahahaha.

show me some SYMPATHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

show me ANYTHING!!!!!

yeah i am kinda angry at her because I would have never even gotten that stupid job without her input hahaha. show show a little CONCERN for me when I QUIT the job. show a little concern for me when you QUIT Me.

now I never said that my quitting of the job was related to her. I was unclear about that, to her. I felt it would be Classless to say “I did this because of you.” so I of course never said that. that would be bad. that would look like i was blaming her. she didnt care if I thought she was blaming me!!!!! while I wanted to be CAREFUL to not BLAME her for anything. to her stupid idiot whorish face i mean. shit yeah it was her fault I quit the job hahaha. but i knew it would be immature and not entirely true to blame her. so i didnt. I just was circumspect and said yeah I am having some personal issues here and had to take a leave of absence. that would be a perfect time for her to respond and express some concern, but noooooooooooooooooo. she was THAT offended that I could POSSIBLY get horrible awful FEELINGS for her!!!!!!

well i wanted to get out of the job of course. but not like this! not like this!

hospitals will not even let you use Nicotene Gum. its a Nicotene product. not eligible for hire if you are chewing Nico Gum or using a Vape to try to Quit Smoking. Nope. Not good enough.

I mean yeah I could even pass a nicotene test. I would just worry about the desire to start Smoking more once getting a Job. Then you take Smoke Breaks of course hahahaha. at my previous job people would prob just quit the job if it became a nicotene free workplace. it was a very pro smoking environment hahahah. the work made people want to smoke like chimneys. oh god that was a horrible time, i need a cig after that one!!!!!!!

I tried to smoke no more than 3 or 4 cigs throughout the work day.


some bullshit about job personality tests bullshit

everything is bullshit hahahaha

jobs, women, the bullshit women you have bullshit children and create bullshit families with, its all bullshit hahahahaha

they say theres no such thing as dumb questions and that its a sign of strength to ask for help when you need it……

…..but ALL JOBS view asking for help as a sign of weakness and stupidity. this is probably why people hate to ask for help. because their jobs brainwash them into thinking asking for help is BAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

shit I wish I had saved a copy of these stupidass test questions. they really were measuring how you solve unclear problems without asking for help and without making mistakes. several at once. and quickly.

why dont they teach this in school? they really dont. I thought schools were supposed to produce good little worker bees making just the bare minimum so that they didnt riot. their jobs are their bread and circus. but nooooooo.

so yeah i am angry. she has no impact. no consequences. her life gets better and better. my life gets worse and worse. she doesnt care about any of this. she had no emotional investment. i mean nothing to her. she could just cut me out of her life SO EASILY. I didnt MATTER to her AT ALL.

that does not sound like the person I came to know and love! she was so kind and nice and good and nice! At that time, she was one of the NICEST people i’d ever met! I liked having a young woman be SUPER NICE to me. I like it when people are genuinely nice to me. and she was genuinely nice.

BITCH! BITCH! BITCH!!! hahahaha.

it would have been easier if she were just a disgusting whore. at least that I have prepared for. I have conceived of it. well she probably is in the process of BECOMING a disgusting whore.  who BECOMES a whore at age 24/25? .01% of women. like her hahahaha. i do pick unique women. they are horrible in very different unique ways hahaha.



but she’s not REALLY a “BITCH”……….

yeah well fook you. maybe not but she was really bitchY to me, when it REALLY MATTERED.

its so fookin stupid. here i am at bla bla years old, cant handle the stuff that happens in LIFE.  LIFE@!!!!!!

god damn dumb bitch. you just dont do this to people. we had an important friendship or relationship, whether you want to admit it or not.

fook. it was like trying to find waldo……but you don’t know what waldo looks like.  day in day out. and you dont get any better at finding waldo. actually finding waldo is EASY. doing what we did was COMPLICATED. finding waldo is not COMPLICATED or CONFUSING. you just simply find the needle in the haystack. you know what the needle looks like. you know what the haystack looks like. imagine finding a needle in a haystack where what the needle and the haystack looks like keeps changing.

april 12

damn. rejection letter from credit union records representative job. looked like a great job with no excessive customer facing, and some precise tasks that probably had semi clear instructions hahaha. i wasnt hopeful, but….I felt like the job might be the closest thing to a “GOOD FIT” for a person like me.

come on mother fookers. i have about TWO HUNDRED college credits. hahahahaha. I am almost THREE TIMES as educated as SHE was hahahaha.

MUSIC IS FOR PHAGGOTS.  Real Men have too much stress in their lives to enjoy degenerate shit made by degenerate hedonist bipolar drunkards. more accurately, how can you Enjoy Music when you have much more Important, Big, Stressful, Adult Responsibilities to worry about?

I mean it seems like a soft, fluffy, bourgeois luxury. It seems IMMATURE. people who have REAL lives and REAL jobs and REAL RESPONSIBILITIES cant afford to WASTE their brains on MUSIC. It seems immature and degenerate, like MJ. youre wasting your brain and taking the low road.

I can see thinking this about MJ, but it seems SAD to think that about MUSIC! What’s WRONG with Music ?!?!?!?!?!

Well I would agree its not as inherently bad as MJ. but there are a lot of risks. you dont want to listen to degenerate shit like I did, like so many people do.  90% of music is degenerate and not worth listening to.

I thought it was COOL how SHE listened to a lot of MUSIC, music was a big common point with us. She really liked music, I really liked music, or at least USED to, and I knew enough about the music she listened to, to talk to her about music for hours. and she was interested in long geeky conversations about music. It was something we really bonded over.

Of course, she didn’t know shit about the trve kvlt black metal and a lot of the metal I enjoy(ed), but that doesnt matter, she’s a woman, I don’t expect or really WANT a woman to be into metal. big red flag there. when I was young I thought it would be cool to find a gurl who likes metal. now I realize it would be horrible!

anyway she would listen to music all day at the job because she was allowed to because she didnt have a phone job. I was jealous of all these people who listened to music all day and didnt have to answer phone calls all day. god damn soft music listeners.

then when I got moved to a non phone job, and had the chance to listen to music all day myself…..I couldnt do it. I was so worried about screwing up, that I felt music would be a huge distraction, and it would make me screw up.

when really it might have calmed me down. Made me worry less. soothed the savage beast. helped me go with the flow. and maybe that was what SHE got out of listening to music on the job. that if she didnt, she would be a basket case like me.

but I just couldnt “SURRENDER” to the music like that.

also the situation with HER was causing me worry and stress too. without that, I prob would have just llistened to music and done a non-perfectionist normie job.

BITCH! BITCH! BITCH! hahahaha.

getting into the hateful angry phase now haha.

degen music. lately I have been interested in type o negative. because I was a big fan when I was a young degen. So now I come back to those albums, and also check out the albums I missed: world coming down, and dead again. not really interested in life is killing me. gonna skip that one.

there are some great songs here, but again my mind is divided. I am too worried about other shit to really FOCUS on and GET INTO the music. For example, there is a ridic good Riff in the middle of the title song “world coming down”.  Catchy and black sabbathy, not really a “goth” part, but TON had plenty of Slow Sabbathy riffs as well, and this is one of them.

I really enjoy the riff and thankfully its repeated a lot, but its STILL not enough to get my mind off more important shit. like jobs and being an adult hahahaha. which is legit important!!!!

but when I have had a semi productive day, doing 11 job apps, then I’m in the Gym and just want to burn 1000 calories and try to enjoy some music…..then I would like to Shift Gears!

its kind of like how I could never leave the work mindset at work. always brought it home by worrying about it. studying it. obsessively. waking up in the middle of the night, thoughts racing about work confusion.

i didnt have ANY of this with my job before that!!!!!

shit i wish i had never left it.  then I would have had a better chance of getting the higher up job that opened up there like 9 months after I left. which I interviewed for, had a good chance at…..but did not get. lost out to a guy who still worked there. so if i still worked there, maybe I would have gotten it.

then when the shit hit the fan, I reapplied for my old job and wrote manager an email, but they never responded. probably because they know that I am too old to be working such a job, and that I stayed too long the first time! so giving me the job is ENABLING me in not moving forward with my life!

well, it’s better than being completed UNEMPLOYED, and it was better than the other job. but the other job was more serious. more of an adult real job. well fook it. i couldnt handle it.

yet SHE can!!!! BITCH!!! BTICH!!!!

I HATE being WEAKER than HER!!!!

she is TOUGHER and STRONGER than me, and doesnt HAVE to show the weak piece of shit any kindess or sympathy and luv! the weak don’t DESERVE luv from the the strong!!!!!

strong men also cry lebowski hahahahahaha.

multitasking. you better have at LEAST TEN browser tabs AND TEN documents open at all times.

yeah I would have about 12 browser tabs open: intranet, case notes, a second case notes, knowledge base, main employee homepage, employee lookup tool, this other tool, another tool.

about 5 excel sheets in there.

a couple pdfs.

a couple of text files.

hehehehe even NOW I have like 10 text files open at all times::

what to say during the interview

job search notes (places applied, brief cover letters, ideas, addresses, references, etc)

cover letter april 2016

resume april 2016

unofficial undergrad transcript

questionnaire for prospective wife

positive affirmations about self

user names

general post it notes overflow (computer desktop sticky notes)

passwords hahahaha

ok some of those i dont really need open at all times. i admit it. im a fraud hahahaha. i could close some of them which I havent used in weeks.

but on the job, you NEVER know when you are gonna get a call and need one of those files. best to have it open. unless it really slows your computer down. because even though RAM is cheap…..it still costs money. gotta trim the fat goy.

shit I will buy my own RAM if it speeds up the shitty work computer. just like I buy my own pens and post it notes and notecards and notepads!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

well you can do that but you cant put anything into the computers goy

when you END a relationship, try to do it in a way that you can be not angry or ashamed about it in the long term.

maybe she feels terrible guilt, and she will express that by being a whore.

express it by being super nice to the NEXT guy and making him a lucky man hahaha.

be super nice to shitty men, and be super shitty to nice, good men.

well she used to be super nice to me, and I was a nice decent guy. that was nice.

it was like we had something SPECIAL. hahahaha.

when you have something SPECIAL, you dont throw it away like garbage. you are sorta sad when it ends.

REJECTED from data entry specialist / admin asst job. second rej letter of the day hahahaha.


I just saw a warehouse posting that said “THIS IS NOT THE KIND OF COMPANY WHICH HIRES JOB HOPPERS. You MUST have 2 years of recent experience and be able to provide letters of recommendation from managers” hahahaha.

its so hard NOT to be a job hopper!!!!!

ok got my 10 jobs in today. 3 were at the same place hahaha a large health care org.

the best revenge is to live well. so now i feel like i COMPETING against her to live a better life, IE have a better job and make more money than her. And I feel THATS a losing battle too. I can’t have HER, and I can’t have as much success and money as she has.

she is not some kind of Lean In Leader Bosslady with wharton mba either. no ivanka trump hahaha. She is not getting Phds or Masters degrees like some other bitches I pseudodated. She is an MJ smoking, sort of white trash, wrong side of the tracks, fatherless, passive, quiet, introverted, shy, and I have literally 3 times as much college as her hahahaha. she is terrible at problem solving, and communication, and making decisions, and being a leader. yet she can brutally reject me, AND live a better life than me. damn. i hate that.

SHE JOB HOPPED TOO!!!!!!!!!! SHE QUIT JOBS SHE DIDNT LIKE!!!!! she went crazy and quit jobs!!!!! just walked away!!!!!! but not sure if she ever did that after age 20 hahahaha.

i did it at age 23, then again at age 30+. got a DUI at age 26. was unemployed for much of age 24 and 25. which is the age she is now hahahaha.

this is the textbook definition of wasting your 20’s hahaha. I would have liked to be married and have at least 1 kid by now!!!!

well she will be getting her layoff soon. so she will either use the time to simply find a new and better job; and move up up up; its so simple and easy for other people but not me, when you have emotional problems and a 9 month gap and a job hopper and just huge red flags. i have huge red flags but not her.  I really was a VERY GOOD employee at my last 2 jobs. I went crazy at my job but I did VERY GOOD at it.


no im not gonna DO anything crazy or stupid or psycho. I am just calling her a BITCH! BITCH! BITCH!!!! I might not be entitled to much, but I AM entitled to that!!!!!!!

I may not be entitled to much of anything……but I am entitled to THAT.

trying to fit that into meat loaf song hahahahahahahahahhahaha

wawawawawawaw she might even get that joke because she knows enough music to know that meat loaf song. most women her age wouldnt wawawawawawawa. i would make awesome jokes all the time that went WAY over their heads. like with the bitch that became a successful phd professor. she didnt get my jokes AT ALL.

well it IS hard to make jokes that arent bitter and hateful against women hahahaha but I still have a few.

bitches give away HUGS promiscuously, they give away their CVNT promiscuously, etc, its all the same. just give their bodies away to anyone. thats why i dont like women who are always hugging everyone. might be a indicator of a slut. not always but sometimes. wawawaawawawawawaw she was not a big hugger of everyone, she hugged very exclusively, she even only hugged me just a few times but oh lord how I longed to cuddle with her!!!!!!!!!

I have been a lot more productive, which is good…..but i havent been any less hateful against HER. like oh she has a good job and she handles her job and SHE makes 15 DAH and I make 0 DAH etc. and she can throw me away AND be more successful than me, but I am 3 times more educated than her, I have actually a lot more job experience than her, and better traits than her in communication and brains, but she is WAYYYYY more successful than me. in an ideal world men wouldnt even be competing against WOMEN for money and jobs. its so unnatural and wrong. only in such a degenerate Jooified world is something this degenerate and morally reprehensible possible!

Men should be Making Families with Women, not competing against them for MONEY! SHEKELS!!!!!!!!!!

gee GOY I wonder who could be behind this??!?!?!?!


Hey I have been virulently counter-semitic since 2012 at the latest, it has nothign to do with being totally rejected by HER.

if anything, it had more to do with the rejection from the previous woman, where I said fook it, I dont care about not looking racist any more.

overall, that was a MUCH less painful and destructive rejection. a much, much BETTER rejection. i am not angry or hateful over her, in fact I am probably actually OVER her COMPLETELY, 4 years post rejection.

WOW THAT WAS 4 YEARS AGO??!?!?!?! well almost. 3.5 right now.

yes that was a much better rejection. she handled it very well, very maturely. she SPOILED me hahaha. i dont hate her, not angry at her, totally over her, i dont even care that she is a successful health care admin making 70 grand a year minimum with her masterz degree. good for her hahahaha. maybe her lesbian wife can stay at home and raise the kids hahahaha.

but I am angry when women who reject me outperform me career wise. I get over that anger in the long term but in the short term it sucks. like urrgggg that idiot is making so much money and respect than me! they dont deserve it!

in her case she really doesnt. to her credit shes not a total moron and she is a decent worker. but im not gonna give her any CREDIT, she didnt give ME any credit!!!!!!

yeah the company sucked and set everybody up for failure, you had to fight tooth and nail like I did to get anywhere. she doesnt have that Aggressive nature. not that I wanted her to be aggressive. I liked her to be sweet and gentle. I mean I am sweet and gentle too, but I was OBSESSED when it came to learning that stupid job. she was not nearly as obsessed. she didnt have piles of flashcards and pages of notes and she didnt study after hours.

shrink suggested she was very good at COMPARTMENTALIZING. leaving the work stuff at work. but she also Compartmentalized ME, and that did not feel good to me. nobody puts baby in a corner. just put me away in my box on the shelf. along with the work stuff. we used to be outside of work friends. really love being downgraded, demoted.

if youre gonna do that to me, at least talk to me about it. have enough respect and courage to appreciate that the person is gonna be upset, and that YOU are the cause of that.

i mean dumping isnt inherently bad, but it IS gonna hurt the dumpee, and the dumper CAN handle it bad.

also, abandoning somebody without a word IS inherently bad.

woman2012 handed the dumping like a CHAMP. woman2015 handled the dumping abysmally horribly.

dumping is not inherently bad, but it IS ALWAYS PAINFUL, and ABANDONING someone IS inherently bad.

what a great lesson. never could have told you that without going thru this hahahahaha.

i am being sarcastic hahaha.

HOLY SHIT I just got an email from the main mutual friend I had with THAT WOMAN. I hadn’t talked to mutual friend in ages but I was using them as a reference lately, PERHAPS in some subconscious effort to provoke THEM to contact ME< which they did, and I gave a “brief” version of the story. the mutual friend noted unprompted that she does not see that person at all any more, that she may “have a new group of friends.” this is not confirmed, and might just be the mutual friend being upset about being abandoned hahahaha. not confirmed that That Woman abandoned the mutual friend………but I wouldnt be surprised.



apr 16

wow just got invited to take another damn onsite assessment test, for city office job.

i should be happy. i do better at tests than i do at interviews!!!!!! so this means i have a better shot at getting the job!! tests are more fair for anxious weirdos like me! I am more confident that I can do well on a test, MUCH more confident, than I am that i could do well on an interview.

although Mutual Friend boosted my confidence by saying that the Big Boss at the job which I interviewed for in late 2014 and really wanted and did not get and felt kinda screwed, the Big Boss who I thought hated me, actually liked my interview and wanted to hire me.  so thats kewl. would have been better if he just used his clout to hire me but I guess the Politix were too strong.

heh at this rate I might have an actual interview soon hahahaha. too bad that is where I really bomb hahaha.

what would the trumpenfuhrer do. what would trump say, how would trump act, what would trump DO. TRUMP is really one of the best role models for neet losers like us. imitating his general personality is a GREAT idea.


I have no doubt trump will disappoint us if he wins, and end up being more Cucky than he is now. Bowing down to our greatest ally, hahahaha. but its safe to say hes the least cucky candidate, and the things he is saying takes balls. and I like a good populist. I too am a man of the people. and the mere audacity to even SUGGEST The Wall, let alone strongly hammer home the point, were gonna build a wall, over and over again. That probably sealed the deal for many of us. the audacity and balls.

it takes TIME to get to know someone and to really like them. when I first met That Person, I felt favorably towards her, but I was much more dialed down. I dont know this person, I dont fully trust them, lets keep them at a distance until they prove themself. and she did. it takes time. its not possible to happen quickly. there is no FAST TRACK. it doesnt work that way. it doesnt go both ways sometimes. thats just the way it is. you dont have to like. i personally like it, i think it is right and just and makes sense. to get to know a person and trust them and love them….takes TIME. it doesnt happen overnight. you cant easily replace them, and you cant easily detach from them.

really that was the best, closest rel I ever had with a woman, period. other friendships with women gradually drifted apart due to the fact that people moved and we didnt see each other regularly. maybe if i had seen them more regularly, over a longer period of time, we wouldnt have drifted apart. but the drifting apart was peaceful and amicable and no hard feelings. not like here.

also we both lived in the same area, saw each other regularly, and the rel got stronger rather than weaker. for me at least. what im saying is that you fookin NORMIES cant tell me i have no right to get upset, because i’m wrong for getting feelings for someone who obviously has no feelings for me.

to that I say, disregard the feelings and just pay attention to the FACT that we have two people who had a long term relship of SOME kind. a long term friendship. just to lose THAT is Very Painful. Can’t you fookin NORMIES understand that? losing a good friend so suddenly and brutally is VERY painful!!!!!!! DAMN!!!!!!

and its real stupid, i think she DOES feel bad about Losing A Friend…..but shes too cowardly to apologize, plus I think Ive reached the point where its too late for her to apologize. if she wants to contact me, she better want to BE with me. for at least a year hahahah. monoamorously. and to SHOW me luv and devotion and loyalty and support. and to WANT to spend time with me. WANT to cuddle with me. not blow me off to hang out with chad. not WANT to hang out with other men. i dont hang out with other women!!!!! so you better not hang out with other men!!! i know life isnt fair, but when you luv each other, you make an effort to be FAIR to each other!

show me more interest. text ME more. text me little hearts and smileys before going to bed.  not texting me 100 times a day, but texting me maybe a COUPLE times a day. have at least ONE positive interaction…..every other day. i could handle every day too. maybe 2 out of 3 days? i dont want to EXPECT too much, hahahahaha.

got the call center help desk customer service textbook i mention a few posts ago. its OK but not great. it would have been GREAT to have right when I got hired at that job, but I actually learned most of that stuff already. through hard trial by fire. this book would have made that process easier in explaining the big picture. so yeah i recommend it. I should have bought it immediately upon getting the job.

BUT it doesnt give shit on what to do if you get confused and dont know the answer. it assumes that all answers can eventually be researched and explained. when they CANT. so how do you deal with that? this book doesnt help you there, and thats the MAIN thing I want help with.

you tell them, I’ll research this on my off time and maybe I can get it fixed or explained in the long term, but dont expect anything. paypal or bitcoin tips would be appreciated since Im not allowed to work on this while at work. I will also argue with higher up teams to try to get somebody who actually does have the knowledge and power to fix this, to take a look at it. they will probably Fob you off by saying they’ve added it to their Long Term Project ROADMAP. and then ignore it forever, hahahaha. cuz they’re too busy Putting Out Fires. Just like level 1. just like any job every. nobody ever prevents fires. we just put them out.


damn. it sounds terrible, but i liked hanging out or being around HER, more than I liked hanging out with my other frands. They are just not as much fun and we dont have as good a “connection” as I thought I had with her.

you are NEVER too busy putting out fires to prevent them, because you can be doing the fire prevention on your free time. after everyone else leaves for the day to go being with their families or work on their masterz degrees. then you do some pro bono work and work to prevent the fires. you expect to get paid for your work goy? thats your first mistake! stupid goyim, hehehehe.

april 17

now Im watching the shining on tv and dont enjoy it as much as i thought i would. and now shelley duvall is reminding me of THAT WOMAN. does she really look like infamously ugly shelley duvall? kind of actually, but better looking. much nicer hair than shelley duvall hahaha. but it is interesting how a very plain jane woman like shelley duvall ever became a “leading lady” for even 1 movie. now i have to see what happened to her.

looks liek she “dated” that sleazy slimy J paul simon for 2 years in the 70s. why would you do that?

because she was probably taken with him being a famous damn singer who honestly wrote some good songs, to care that he was a sleazy sneaky scheming little J! shit even I enjoyed graceland and rhthym of the saints and simon and garfunkel. two sneaky little J’s there!


even nice ugly shelley duvall has been been with too many men. a real slut hahaha. has a casual attitude towards sex which shows no respect for life and shows she would be a terrible mother. did she ever have children?

wikipedia mentions no children. so now she is a 66 year old catlady.

well its GOOD she never had children then.

see thats a terrible thing to think about a nice white woman from texas. if she hadnt been snatched up by robert altman, who was obsessed with her, she wouldnt have gotten into hollywood degeneracy.

was altman a J? why didnt HE just marry her before she got too far gone?

I generally respect altman, well I really liked “short cuts.”

hmm not J at ALL, and raised CATHOLIC, educated by jesuits. well he couldnt marry shelley duvall, he had been married to his wife since 1959 until his death in 2000 something and they had many children. well good for them.


anyway I guess I like those plain jane, horseface shelley duvall type women. AS LONG as they are white, AND not fat, AND not a potato shape / stumpy. AND not slutty AND no kids, hahahaha.

but I am kinda a potatoe shape! i think this is “ENDOMORPH.”

well I am working Hard to improve that.

the previous woman was kind of a plain jane too.

basically it means not dressing like a slut, or a slutty slob, or wearing too much makeup, or wearing very tight clothes, etc. you dont NEED to put your bodies so MUCH on display, and you shouldnt WANT to. its a sign of a degenerate society. moral decline.

men and other women can tell you have a decent body WITHOUT wearing tight or revealing clothes. so theres just no reason for it. dont have to wear a burka or beekeeper suit. just dont weak super tight or revealing clothes. wear less slutty as opposed to More Slutty Jeans. dont wear little tank tops with Tits hanging out. dont wear super short shorts. dont wear things that your father wouldn’t approve of. and your father in heaven too hahahahahaha.

you dont need to dress SEXY to prove to everyone you have an attractive body.

no need to make everything SEXY. sex is a private, intimate act. not something you display in public to the whole damn WORLD.

so I really liked that she never seemed to dress “SEXY”. even though she didnt have a father to teach her not to. not that she dressed like a slob or rodeo clown. she just didnt wear super tight or revealing clothes or lots of makeup. not around me at least. she probably dressed like a total fook me slut when she hung out with other guys!!!!


well I overreacted too. I acted like a CRAZY PERSON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And believe me, I am NOT proud of that. I am ashamed, scared, embarrassed. I dont want to be a crazy person.

how could I ever have a decent rel with a woman if I GO CRAZY every time something goes wrong?

yeah well things went REALLY wrong here, it was the end of the rel. in a more harsh than average way. it would cause a NORMIE to go a LITTLE crazy. so it made me go high medium crazy hahaha.

yeah i know she was scared and maybe weak. i was scared and definitely weak as hell.

she had all the risk factors to become a HUGE slut. so it was all the more amazing that she was NOT slutty at ALL. but it could certainly still happen.

it doesnt matter! it doesnt matter! im done with her!

but i didnt want to be. i wasnt ready to be. so what. stop complaining about it.

heh i dont WANT to stop complaining about it!

little 37 minute, 320 calorie slow jog around the gayborhood hahaha. no its a great neighborhood, mostly white upper working class good catholic people. nothing fancy, but no riff raff either. exactly the kind of good family neighborhood that is ENDANGERED in current year. Unfortuantely I might never Grow Up and be able to live in a neighborhood this nice of my own accord someday and raise a family there. I should have been well on my way by now.

yeah i was stupid and foolish and dumb to fall in luv with her….but luv is often foolish and dumb. it wasnt a bad aggressive hostile hurtful thing. it didnt need to be responded to so aggressively. passive aggressively i mean.

ok. no ones disputing that.

or are they?

I guess I want THE APPROVAL OF NORMIES AND WOMEN, that what I did not deserve being responded to like THAT. That she REALLY COULD HAVE and SHOULD have been a little nicer.

Cuz I think the jury of Women and Normies would side with HER and be AGAINST me!

when I have no idea thats the case.

against, my need for Arbitration and especially Judgement and Verdicts.


SHE was, of COURSHE!!!!!

I was foolish and dumb, but she was cowardly and didnt lift a finger to do the right thing.

I tried to do the right thing A LOTTTTTTTTTTTTT more than she did, which was not at all!!!!!!!!!

i tried to do the right thing, she ran away from doing the right thing!!!!!

well thing is, pretty much everyone i know that ive told about this doesnt think I did anything WRONG or BAD and that she is overreacting a bit, and it would have been NICE if she responded to me, and that this SUCKS for me.

so thats good ahahaha.

so people understand why i am upset, but not why i am SO upset, or why i luved her so much, and why i cant just get over her more quickly.

because it takes me a loooooooong time hahhahaha.

she got over her 5 year, first real BF ever, quicker than it is taking for me to get over her, and i never even fooked her in the ass 90000000 times hahahaha. gave it to her ass to mouth like a disgusting slut hahaha.

which is to say, i dont want her to become a disgusting slut like that. or one that has casual sex and sucks dicks of guys she just met. some women are dick sucking whores. it takes a few dates to fook them proper, but they will suck your dick within 15 minutes. that is still horrible. my daughter will never do that hahahaha.

dont be a dick sucking whore. dont be a dick fooking whore. dont get near the guys dick until you are in a longterm, monogamous rel with him for at LEAST 6 months. you can get pregnant from this, you disgusting moron degenerate. this is serious shit.  this is not a fooking GAME. dont you get nervous about this? do you really want the thousand cok stare? is that what you want?

you SHOULD be cautious and apprehensive about secs! you can get pregnant!

really I would love for them to have some kind of deeper moral reason, like secs is something Sacred or Holy or Special and its Gross and Wrong to do that with someone you dont know. its a SPECIAL thing you ONLY do with someone SPECIAL. NEVER casually, never randomly.

apr 18

rejection email from hospital materials clerk job, basically a warehouse or storage or supply house for the hospital. probably about 12 DAH hahahaha. well at least they were nice enough to reject me. maybe they were looking for somebody with a masters degree or above hahaha. someone with 300 college credits. Technically I have more college Credits than people with masters degrees hahahah. I was just veyr unfocused and took a lot of useless classes and did not declare a second degree.

no they probably are looking for someone with

  1. recent warehouse experience of more than 1 year
  2. no gaps
  3. someone with LESS education.

lessons learned:

  1. remove degree education from resume
  2. lie about gaps
  3. lie about warehouse experience. that is prob easier than lying about gaps. because I could just lie and say my actual real honest truthful jobs, contained some warehouse duties (lie.) add a lie to a base of truth.

its like lying and saying you have experience with SAP for an accounting clerk job when really you only have very basic experience with quickbooks. 10 years ago. and received clear instruction there. which you later learned that clear instructions are frowned upon. figure it out yourself if you have any initiative or self-starting.

so, better to do it WRONG if it means you dont have to ask for help and look weak or dumb or uncertain or beta or underconfident.

speed is more important than quality. better to give 99% instead of 120%, because its likely ONLY YOU would notice that extra 20% anyway, and it’s gonna slow you down from completing more 99% tasks. 99% is Good Enough.

hahahahahaha eat shit you fat bastards.

who the fook commits crimes within a 1 mile radius of the city police station. I get a daily crime email of crimes in muh city. usually just 2 or 3 Larcenies or Frauds. breaking into cars. sometimes stealing tyres and leaving cars on blocks hahahaha.  and people getting charges on a credit card they never opened.

this fox news anchoress is very attractive and has VERY big buxom breasts, and I think it is unprofessional to show even ONE CENTIMETER of tit cleav4ge. unfortunately this is harder to accomplish with women with above average sized breasts. but i believe they must take up that cross nonetheless. its not that it will cause men to rape you, like the barbaric mudslims which some women seem to prefer over their own countrymen. its that its sleazy and shows no self respect or modesty.

damn. received second rejection email of the day, for health care company, general clerk. I was cautiously optimistic about this one, only called for a high school education or GED, and the duties did not sound super duper highly confusing. probably a 13-14 DAHJ hahaha. they never say the wage unless its a municipal or union job.

moved that into the “job rejections” folder hahahaha.

got 8 rejections in the past 12 days, not too bad.  hahahaha

was at a bar/restaurant i had never been to yesterday for social/entertainment event, in a very quaint and middle class area, and was very attracted to the waitress hahahahah. I thought about steathfully Asking Her Out hahahaha. but it was a huge event and all the waitresses were running around serving like 200 people. I would lose my mind doing their jobs!!!!! it was nerve wracking just to imagine it!

it was an older middle class community with smaller but very well kept houses. as opposed to the newer middle class communities with huge stupid mcmansions and no “main street” and no trees and no “walkability.” i much prefer the older style. it seems like a “real neighborhood.” you could walk to the neighborhood bar, get raging falling down drunk, then walk back home to your fat potato wife you resent because thats the only woman you could find who wouldnt leave you hahahaha. or more likely you live alone and havent been with a woman in 10+ years, or are a basement dwelling neet at home hahaha. then you shouldnt be drinking in bars, its too expensive. but the social aspect is important. getting raging drunk around other people hahahaha and seeing qt waitresses you can go home and jerk off to hahahaha. so what you do is, you sneak in a bottle of cheap whiskey or vodka in your trench coat or geeky cargo pants hahahahaha, and chug it in a bathroom stall, and then order like water hahahaha or cokes.

ok got muh 10 job apps in for the day hahahaha bitches.

use your chrome autofill settings to remember zip codes and addresses from jobs from 10 years ago:


REJECTED!!! for 14 dah (they actually stated the wage) order entry job at metals supplier. and I DID lie and said I had 1 year of “order entry” experience! received rejection email same day as applied.

that cowardly bitch was good at one thing, besides being a dirty dick sucking fatherless whore hahahaha, she was good at cranking out job applications for stuff she was woefully unqualified for. probably tons of spelling mistakes and shit too. but that is how she got a 15 DAH full time job and is a much bigger winner than me.

well, actually thats not how she got her job. her longterm BF worked there, and he got both her AND me in there. I got along with him allright and he was not jealous and butthurt that his GF had male friends. probably because he was Emotionally Checked Out and preparing his Exit Strategy, or hoping he would be distant enough that she would dump him. I think ultimately he had to dump her. Wish I knew more about that drama hahaha. as i say, he was a decent guy, but their rel had reached its Natural End.

today I learned that over the last 9 months, my 401k has actually gained like 30 dollars despite a god damn 13 dollar per quarter FEE. in other words, its got to make more than 13 dollars a quarter or else I should roll it over or something. can you roll it over into a regular savings account? would their Member Services people even KNOW that? that assumes they get Training in Frequently ASked Questions. which i wouldnt be surprised if they DIDNT. dont blame them, blame the company which is Managing your god damn 401k. blame fidelity hahahahahaha.

but at least I got my underpants in the mail today hahahaha. that is how awesome I am. Using my huge amazon gift card from doing consumer research to buy damn underpants off amazon hahahaha. the same ones I would buy at the Megamart. super soft hanes boxer shorts.


this is the open documents tab of muh notepad++.  the top cover letter is a short one:

Dear [company] Talent Acquisition team:

I am the ideal candidate for the [official title] position. I demonstrate exemplary detail-orientation, problem-solving, and communication skills, and I am a very motivated team player. I am committed to supporting the workforce and clientele of this organization, and to finding creative ways to maximize production efficiency and reduce operating costs to an absolute minimum. I have excelled in multi-tasking and problem-solving, and I take great initiative in quickly mastering new knowledge and procedures. I have excelled in completing complex technical procedures to strict quality standards, and in making decisions and taking action in complex, urgent situations. I look forward to an opportunity to discuss this position with you.


Bubba Bigglippz Bluegumz

this short one is good for pasting in the indeed apply now button box. and the bottom one is, as the filename insinuates, is longer than that. i use the shorter one a good 80% of the time.


You cant MAKE somebody want to work on things. you cant MAKE them NOT want it to end.

if you want to make it work, and they want it to end……its never going to work. its always going to end.

if one person wants it to end, that always wins out over one person wanting to make it work.

its like rock paper scissors. but NOTHING beats it. NOTHING.

so why not play that option every time? i mean that would be a shitty game of rock paper scissors if you played rock every time and it beat everything.

but a rel is not like rock paper scissors. and wanting it to end is not like rock. its a bad metaphor. rock paper scissors is MORE FAIR hahahaha. more checks and balances.

I applied for an Accounts Payable Clerk job today at some kind of car dealership and this was a new low of stupidity. It gave you five terms and asked you to explain your experience on each. This is actually maybe not bad becuase it gives me a chance to show my bullshitting and communication and writing and intelligence skills before the interview, because I blow interviews, but I do better on tests.

here it is: QUOTE from muh what to say during interview fiel:::::::::::::

As a Technical Support Biotch for Big COmpany, I demonstrated determination or grit on a daily basis. Most of my callers were facing urgent technical problems in which errors were preventing work, and I needed to resolve them quickly. Determination was necessary in exercising good judgment, and in persistently carrying out that judgment with callers who may be skeptical, technically-disadvantaged, or uncooperative. We had to be skilled at giving bad news when necessary, and in dealing with fast-paced, potentially confusing situations.
Please explain a situation where you recently used the characteristic of determination. The situation that you explain can be in either a personal or professional setting.

stupid car dealer accounts payable posting has darn short answer interview questions. i guess this is a good thing.


At Big Company Help Desk, I showed respect to all team members. We had an urgent, fast-paced work environment, and often asked each other for advice or assistance. I was very willing to offer help, because I appreciated the value of receiving help when I needed it. I went out of my way to offer help and build the morale of my team. I treat others as I want to be treated. I enjoy being treated with respect, so I am proactive in showing that respect to others. You do not need to be somebody’s best friend in order to show them common courtesy and respect. Mutual respect makes for a positive and more productive working environment.
Please explain a situation where you recently used the characteristic of respect. The situation that you explain can be in either a personal or professional setting.
3000 character max. (2351 characters left)
same stupid company
Please explain a situation where you recently used the characteristic of integrity. The situation that you explain can be in either a personal or professional setting.

In my perspective, integrity means accountability, honesty, and straightforwardness. You stand behind the work you produce and don’t try to withhold information from clients or colleagues. You present both the pros and the cons of any given situation. You make the clients aware of any risk factors or small details which are very important, but may be easily overlooked. You make sure everyone is well-informed and on the same page, so as to minimize surprises or unintended consequences. You tell the whole truth even if it is something that might not make the client happy. You do not overpromise things you cannot deliver just to be a people-pleaser. You try to go above and beyond for all clients, but do not promise more than you know you are capable of. It’s also crucial that you follow through with clients to make sure they are satisfied and to see if they have a need for any additional service or information. You also don’t give clients a “runaround”, tell them “we don’t handle that”, or leave work unfinished. You are accountable for your work and if you don’t have the authority to help a client, you will personally introduce them to someone who does.

3000 character max. (1831 characters left)

come on guys

Please explain a situation where you recently used the characteristic of vision. The situation that you explain can be in either a personal or professional setting.

Vision can either refer to the mission of the organization, in a big picture sense, and on an individual level, it can refer to your own sense of good judgment. It’s essential for team members to have good judgment and be able to make well-informed decisions with their projects and clients, so that each individual can add value both for the clients, and for the organization as a whole. A team composed of many people all exercising good judgment can then build a positive trajectory for the organization over the long-term, as the company moves forward in providing more value to more clients.

3000 character max. (2404 characters left)

really this is just getting tediuous.

Please explain a situation where you recently used the characteristic of empathy. The situation that you explain can be in either a personal or professional setting.

Empathy is critical to both work and personal success. You need to be able to put yourself in the other person’s position in order to build a productive relationship with them. Listen to what they are saying and how they are saying it. Show the client that you truly understand their issue and how it impacts them, without being patronizing. Then take ownership of their issue and tell them how you are going to solve it. Follow through with them until they are satisfied. Deliver on your promises and build positive relationships with clients. Empathy is the cornerstone of a great customer experience. You have to care about the clients’ wants and needs, and gain their trust in your ability to serve those wants and needs.

I’m not describing specific situations, so this will probably be thrown into the trash. Im trying to demonstrate my BS skills tho.


so that was it. all for a damn 13 DAH job hahahaha.

I was thinking a simple solution to all the worlds problems would be to take the 4 years of high school, and make the final 2 years a damn associates degree. essentially cut high school in half and do the final 2 years at a community college so you have an associates degree by age 18. then you can get a bachelors degree by age 20 if you want. there is NO WAY HIGH SCHOOL should take 4 years, train you for NOTHING, and eat up 4 of the most valuable years of your life, where you are strong, health, you body and brain works well, you can learn everything faster and better. you could PROBABLY get the full bachelors degree done by age 18, but I am being conservative here. full 2-year associates degree level of training by age 18, the traditional end of high school. well trained for many entry level jobs to make 15 DAH and be a productive Tax Payer and support yourself.

why wouldnt FEDGOV want MORE TAX LIVESTOCK hahahaha. its in FEDGOV’s best interest to have employable youths!!!!!! not fookin layabout neets who become criminals and isis and welfare and active shooters and neets and dead weight! consumers not producers! eaters not feeders! takers rather than givers to uncle sam!!!!!

i like to think those bullshit answers i gave are good enough to get an interview for a damn 13 DAH job! but maybe they earned me the politeness of a rejection email at least hahahaha.

i gotta get back to flashcards. make 100 flashcards of the most important things I need to know. maybe 50 about that woman and 50 about job related stuff.  i only learn things with flashcards. therefore, make flashcards.


I have a number of flashcard worthy things in here.

i have bundles of old flashcards saved that i could probably use.

yeah so i was annoying and pushy. that was not super cool. but she was WAY MORE super uncool. come on. write an email or something, EVENTUALLY.

im sorry i was pushy. but it didnt hurt her as much as she hurt me hahaha. i just annoyed her and made her roll her eyes and go ugh. she broke muh heart and devastated me hahahaha.

did 4.2 mile walkjog, burn 480 calkories. was listening to type o negative “dead again” and in the song “september sun” which starts off like a ripoff of motley crue “home sweet home”, but sort of gets better, there is a catchy TON style chorus where he says “leave her…leave her alowowowone.” and so then I always think “damn pete, I AM leaving her along. she wanted to be left alone, i left her alone 9 months ago. I sent her about 1 email per 11 days during the last 34 days of our “contact” and she never responded. then that was IT. then i left her alone forever.

yes I was pushy to her beforehand. and yeah she did tell me once. sort of, to maybe not be so pushy. and I know we dont always owe people reasons or explanations, and NO is a COMPLETE SENTENCE.

I dont know. I think when you KNOW someone for 2.7 years, you DO sort of owe them an explanation, or at least an email, and not to expect them to be okay with being SHUT OUT completely for an indefinite period of time. it has to be a TWO WAY STREET.

I’ll give you time and space, BUT YOU HAVE TO GIVE ME A TIME WHEN WE’LL MEET. one month or so.

ooo theres a good flashcard.

ok i just made 4 flashcards to start. pretty basic stuff. thats the POINT.

  1. I want to work on this relationship. Are you willing to do the same, or do you want to end it? we need to COMMUNICATE.
  2. If you want to get out of this rel, I’d appreciate being treated with respect and common courtesy.
  3. I will give you time and space, but…(flip card over)….it would be NICE f you give me an exact time we will meet and talk about this. and/or some kidn of explanation.
  4. We need to talk NOW.
  5. I feel sad and rejected when you avoid hanging out with me for months.  (might be accusatory: try when we haven’t hung out for months and you always say no when I ask you again and again hahaha.)

stupid ass what to say during the interview file


I used to struggle when a caller would claim that, in the past, they were able to do something, or the program had a certain feature which it doesn’t seem to have any more, but I didn’t know enough about the program or the process to know how it has changed over the course of several years. Often it was difficult if not impossible to find irrefutable evidence of when a feature was removed. Maybe the feature was instead relocated or repurposed instead of removed entirely. Asking an SME (level 2), they might respond, this was never possible, the caller is mistaken. Not having mastery and experience with the program or procedure, I would have to take my SME’s word….but the caller might not be willing to. Very often people don’t like to be told they are wrong. I could not simply tell the caller they were imagining things. I would tell them I haven’t found any evidence that the feature they’re looking for still exists, and that when I checked with an SME in the subject, they said they couldn’t find any evidence it still existed either. I can continue investigating, but it does not very hopeful, and there’s a good chance I will come back to you 10 minutes later with the same answer. In this case, the caller would most likely sigh in annoyance and say that’s all right, I’ll work around it. Then I would apologize and submit a formal feature request on behalf of the caller, but also warn them that although I could guarantee their request will be read and considered, I cannot guarantee a callback or that the request will be approved, and I have absolutely no estimate on when it may be implemented. If implemented it would take at least 3 months. I apologize for the inconvenience. I can see how that feature was convenient, and I don’t have an explanation as to why it was removed.

OR I would take ownership of the case myself, as I would probably not get permission to escalate it from the original SME/level 2 who was saying the feature didnt seem to be available any more. I would research the issue on my own free time and then call the caller back with the explanation within 48 hours.

During that time I would consult with different SME’s and see what advice, evidence they could offer; or see if they would be willing to escalate the case to tier 3, who has the power to actually engineer the system. Developers, engineers, QA. Then I would call the caller and inform them of this update. Then I would bookmark the case and follow up with it every several days until it was closed. If it did not appear to be moving forward, I would contact the last agent who worked on the case and say I’d like to follow up with this caller, could you please tell me what is the resolution to this case, and would you like to close the case or should I? because sometimes level 2 and 3 want to maximize their case close numbers.

Also, if the case were closed without the caller being contacted, I would contact the caller and let them know the resolution. if there were not a clearly noted resolution, I would contact the last agent on the case, and ask them to update the case with a full resolution and I will call the caller, or they can call the caller if they want to. Either way, let me know. the caller deserves follow up.


anyway my point was when a caller argues with you, why cant I do this any more, just a couple months ago I was able to do this, whats changed, how do I do this now, and you’re like i dunno I have no idea what you can and cant do in this weird complicated program, and i have no idea whats changed. let me ask level 2.

ok level 2 says that cant be done your wrong.

well your level 2 is wrong, i swear I did this about 4 months ago.

ok. ok. let me get back to him and see if we can send a case up.

ok he doesnt want to approve escalation. (well its bad to go down this route, because then they’ll want to talk to level 2.) well heres what I can do for you. I can research this and call you back within 72 hours, but I’m probably not gonna be able to get any help from higher up on this, and 80% chance our answer is not gonna change. were not gonna be able to do that thing, and I wont be able to find any documentation that it was taken out. They might not have taken it out, it might have never existed in the first place, and the first level 2 was right. or they might have taken it out and then not made a note of it. or they might have taken it out and made a note of it, but I have no access to their documents, and to help me, they’d have to escalate a case and work on themselves, and they dont wanna….i mean…umm…..IT IS WHAT IT IS. NOT GONNA HAPPEN. NOTHING WE CAN DO. IT IS WHAT IT IS. you might have been able to do this in the past, but you cant do it any more, period. it sucks, but IT IS WHAT IT IS.


how would that woman handle it?

shed say sorry cant do that any more is there anything else i can help u with

and then the person would say ugh im not gonna get anywhere with this moron

and that woman would never think about it again, never look into the issue again, it would never bother her again.

and i would go crazy trying to provide evidence of when they took the feature out.

it might not even be an important enough feature to warrant noting if they took it out. but I have no sense of PERSPECTIVE on the damn program. you dont have any perspective on anything in the first 6 months.

one thing i wish i had done more is when I was able to transfer a caller to another department, was actually do a conference call with that other department, just to see what they actually DID. I would never be found out, my phone would look the same, like i was still on the call, which I technically WAS!!!!!

Also the idea of Unofficially Taking Ownership so that I could call back a caller. but since you couldnt get approval for After Call Work if it was gonna take more than 10 minutes of research…..if you wanted to do 30 minutes of research, ya better do it unpaid on your free time hahaha. double whammy there. on the other hand, it would be good studying, and you’d probably be worried about it anyway, and study it anyway, so why not tell the caller you’ll call them back in……72 hours. and if they bitch at you, tell them you’re doing this in your free time, when I should be spending time with my family. simply because no one higher up thinks this is worth someone of their intellect looking at this case. so you’re stuck with me.

I can also put you back into the general queue and hope the next person you get is better at this than me.

i mean if you tell a person you cant do this, and you’ll have to hold for 10 minutes just to get an explanation why you cant do it……they will probably say that’s ok, its not worth it. so you can play that gambit.

you don’t learn this type of stuff from books, and you don’t learn it from co workers. you figure it out for yourself while you are trying to fight your way out of the most ridiculous situations with no help. thrown to the wolves.

damn i should have just transferred people right back to another level 1.

but see thats….i dont know. if they get a good level 1 who can help them, thats good….but then that level 1 would be smart enough to look at that persons history (maybe) and see that I just talked to them a few minutes ago and closed the case without resolution. because you dont want to note that you transferred it back to level 1. also better to just close the case and say nothing, rather than lie and say you told them IT IS WHAT IT IS. although that is probably what you SHOULD have told them.

it’s tricky knowing what kind of lies and omissions you can get away with in the case notes!

because you HAVE to cut corners in order to reach the bare minimum! quota or target or goal or whatever metrics.

but you cant say this in an interview!

also, i dont LIKE cutting corners! were not talking about giving them 99% here. more like 60%. 60% isnt good enough for me or my callers hahahaha. 99% is though. but muh level 2’s arent giving me the support I need to get to 99%! because THEY are stretched too thin and dont have enough time or people to give you the help you need!

so the only solution is to MAKE more time by doing this work off the clock.

heh. i was just angry that i was willing to do this but SHE was not. she would be flying out the door the second her shift ended. you were TECHNICALLY allowed to be 10 minutes late without penalty. at 11 or 12 minutes, you officially got points. so guess what she did. yes. cut it super close ALL THE TIME. while I was getting in 30, 45, 60 minutes BEFORE start of shift to read email, look at cases, make coffee for people, go to bathroom and have nervous coffee shits, show managers and level 2’s i was a team player.

she doesnt need to do that because everyone likes her because she is a purty gurl.

now she can cancel this out by being a huge bitch, and many women do.

but she is usually super nice to people so, she prob wont. everyone will say what a NICE gurl, i wish I had a gurlfran or wife like that, i always date these bitchy bitches, why aren’t there any NICE women any more, oh thank GOD, here’s one!!!!!!!!!



april 15

shit. paying 5 dollars to get an “OFFICIAL” pdf transcript of my 70 credits at community college. well, it looks better than an unofficial transcript. hopefully has the Solemn Seal of the Esteemed, Reputable college hahahaha. no the college is fine. it has produced many successful winners who make way more money and have way more kids than me hahahaha. shit. like That Woman. shit. i cant believe she’s even capable of a 5 year intimate relationship with a man hahaha.

fookin NORMIES dont seem to understand LUV. when you get your heart broken, you wail and moan and feel like you’re the only one who has experienced this. But you’re really not. everybody has.

but i wonder: is that true?? I really DONT think many normies experience both love this deep, and heartbreak this deep. They get over it in a couple months at most, more like a couple weeks!

within a few months at longest, they are FOOKING new people!!!!!!

dont be so god damn quick to jump into bed with new people like an easy slut!




The only normies who can understand are those whose Beloved Wife DIES, and they are like Welp, that is it, the love of my life is gone and she can’t be replaced. I dont even WANT to be with anyone else. Sometimes they get married again YEARS later. but for YEARS they aren’t even REMOTELY INTERESTED in trying to find anyone else.

I was watching hunt for red october which is an ok movie, and liked the high pressure situations where they were seconds away from death and waiting on the order of a possibly crazy captain, who never ever explained the crazy shit he was doing. so people would get FLUSTERED and say CAPTAIN do you REALIZE what youre DOING, and he would sit there like a stone for a few more seconds, then bark out an order.

well, in this case, the crew was not trying to explain weird inexplicable shit to End Users, and also their captain was right there telling them exactly what to do, taking ownership and responsibility, even if he gave no explanation.

but I was trying to make sense of shit too. like WHY CAN’T the sub see another sub that is following directly behind it? but the sub in back can see the one in front?

don’t they have radar as well as sonar? that can see a big metal ship in any direction?

how do torpedoes home in on whatever? they can seek a large object…..even if its not the sub they intended to hit. and you can accidentally blow yourself up. is this actually possible or just a tom clancy fantasy?

what is the chain of command here? who is in the loop and who is not? what if someone makes a clerical error hahahahaha.

how high do you have to be in the CIA to override orders by a ships captain? who’s the most powerful highest up person here?

this might be a problem with tom clancy. just throwing in confusing details without explaining anything, without even really caring.

the movie is great in parts and has a ridiculously strong cast, sam neill, tim damn curry, even a young stellan skarsgard!! but it has other parts that fail to impress the mature man of the world. like theyre just jerking off and bullshitting here.

the implication is that the russians are speaking russian the whole time. this is why they start out speaking russian and then after about 10 minutes they start speaking english. i never understood that when I was young. But it makes sense now that I am older. and I found it pretty reasonable unlike other parts of the movie.

i guess if  ever get a call for an interview I will go to damn thrift store and look for a somewhat presentable jacket. the one I have now isn’t BAD…..I just feel like its a bad luck charm. it is dark gray and I would prefer blue or lighter gray. also I should get a different tie.

5 dollars for a damn pdf. well at least I dont have to do that again. this is because a City Govt requested proof of associates degree or higher for blabla program assistant job. today I learned you can have OFFICIAL transcripts as a pdf. not just unofficial. So now I have OFFICIAL pdfs of all my transcripts for future use. That is a good thing.

I hope I didnt scare the mutual friend too much with my long email. I will not send any more long emails! But I did want to VENT to them and tell them the full story, and I believe I have. I mean its not a short story!


interesting but I’m looking for something a bit more critical and sense-making


pretty in depth and probably would have mentioned a severe technical error. didnt mention anything I was expecting. maybe the movie is pretty factual.

but why the fook couldnt sonar or radar see or hear a sub behind you? all the crazy ivans? why? when CAN you see or hear a sub in your area? within how many degrees of being At Your 6? what if they are at your 7????? can you see them then????

this has to be a Known Issue, otherwise, in my uneducated opinion, that page would mentioned it. I mean tom clancy SHOULD know, and the navy people they consulted with, but I dont trust them to reveal basic knowledge about subs that would not be obvious at all for the layman. cuz thats whats so obvious to me. i might have missed a line in the movie. I came in about 20 minutes in and my mind was wandering and the commercials were excruciating.


heheheh I finally found the article I was looking for. It only took 2 hours. well I probably could have done it in 20 minutes if I werent multitasking hahahaha.


read, understand, and now fix the sonar technician’s sonar problem. don’t ask me for help. figure it out. that’s your job. hahahaha. fix it quickly. get him off the phone. we have more people like him to service.

i am just mad HER and other normies can handle their jobs without breaking down. fooking normies. they make the difficult look so damn easy. then i get resentful because they “dont want to help me, dont want to share their secret information, they keep it in their normie clique.”

we used to be on the same team! I used to be able to trust you!!!! you changed more than I did!!!! hahahaha

and THIS is the woman I got along with better than any other woman ever. ABSOLUTELY UNBELIEVABLE.

yeah they tell you theres no such thing as a stupid question……..

but in the WORKING world, EVERY question you have related to your job is a stupid question, or at least an annoying and wasteful question which is slowing down your whole department. so DONT MAKE MISTAKES, and DONT ASK QUESTIONS, MORON.

well how do I figure out how to do my job then?

ITS CALLED INITIATIVE. SHOW SOME. FIGURE IT OUT. you said you were a go getter and self-starter. prove it.

when I was young I never even imagined this aspect of jobs. I thought jobs were simply long and boring at their worst. boy was I wrong! I never knew how uncertainty and doubt and confusion could destroy your mind even worse! combined with pressure to do things FAST, do things RIGHT, and explain this, and deliver this unexplainable bad news, with no help.

Drowning. not only is drowning bad, but its SCARY as fook!!!!!! it MORE that just SUCKS! its TERRIFYING as well!!!

I wish I was able to deal with that terror!

tried doing 3 miles straight of slow jogging yesterday. was able to do it and could prob do more. did not feel totally worn out and tired. although i slept pretty good. i dont think it would be enough to clear the mind after a hard days work though.  need higher speed or longer distance. I would rather do longer distance. might have to try 4 miles hahahaha. definitely got past my plateau and am continuing to lose weight tho, so thats good. have lost 17.6 pounds since jan 1.  18 pounds in…..16 weeks hahahaha.

when you love someone and want to spend a long time monogamously with them, its disgusting and infuriating to know they are being a SLUT with other men, giving dat pvssy up to many other men, quickly and easily, when she had no attraction to you whatsoever, and wouldnt give it to you if you paid her 1000000 dollars.

why cant normies understand this. i always have to NEETSPLAIN everything to normies hahaha.

its not that hard! i cant believe normies dont get this! just like I cant believe women constantly need such mansplaining! i wish i didnt HAVE to mansplain or neetsplain! this is EASY MODE common sense! not even the harder common sense, but actual common common COMMON sense!!!!!

women can get pregnant, men can’t!!!!

having your heart broken hurts a LOT for a LONG time and takes a LONG time to get over and you shouldnt FOOK other people during that time of grief and processing!!!

what I wanted to say is that when you LUV someone, it’s FUN to be with them. Being with them motivates you. It’s more than hedonistic sensualist fun, it’s good clean wholesome god-loving innocent loving fun.

It may be kinda fun to hang out with friends. but its REALLY REALLY fun to hang out with the person you LUV. you get REALLY EXCITED about it. You can have a bad day and they walk in and its a ray of sunshine and you forget all your worries.

thats something your regular friends can’t accomplish.

its REALLY HARD to install the SPELLCHECKER for Notepad++.

I luv notepad++ because obviously plain txt files are best ways to type and create stuff. then you just copy and paste them to word or pdfs or wherever. it is a small fast program and you can open 50 documents at once in tabs, which is YUGE.  but I would LUV for it to have a spellcheck. it does have a plugin, but its fookin impossible to install. because you have install other GNU plugins and shit that only Computer Science Engineers know how to do.  I mean the average woman making 15 DAH, this is gonna be WAY over their head. Shit I need somebody to mansplain it to me.

i needed somebody to mansplain the stupid articles at my job!

thats all it was. you know how technical manuals are never written in plain english and are frustrating as fook? often missing information? giving no understanding of the process? well that was our main resource on fixing problems. read this fooking confusing, incomplete bullshit, understand it, and use it to fix their weird shit.

I say just make mistakes. make mistakes until they fooking FIRE you.

protip: some people make mistakes ALL THE TIME and DONT get fired. If you keep a somewhat decent attitude, you can make 1000000000 mistakes a day and not get fired. just have to find a way to live with being scolded all the time for your mistakes. oh well. dont take it personally.


and then companies will have very clear policies. like three official write ups equals termination or something.  and they will TELL you when you are getting written up. They will GIVE you a letter. There is lots of ambiguity in the world, but not on that.  when you get an official warning, you will know it.

if you don’t, well the company doesnt deserve you then. fook them. quit that shit without a new job lined up hahaha.

I never got officially written up. But I saw other people getting official write ups. I went in to use the printer and there was write ups for people which the manager forgot to pick up, hahaha. im just grateful i didnt get written up for printing work related stuff , but which was a non-actionable non deliverable hahaha. It was not a directly cost cutting related printout in other words.

Shit I’ll buy my own REAMS of paper if they’d let me. I bought my own pens and notepads and post it notes! whereas NORMIES STEAL that shit from the office and bring them HOME! I bought my OWN at the store and brought them TO the office! Sometimes I GAVE other people post it notes!!!! I gave HER post it notes all the time!!!!!

applied for 4 county jobs. I am lucky they even HAD 4 full time jobs OPEN! but the county is a large employer of the county’s residents. like 1000 employees!!!!! one of the few places where you can get a 14 DAH entry level job with health care and 401k!

Us millennials think a 401 k is so great, when the god damn baby boomers were getting PENSIONS!!!!!!!!! hahaha.

also 401k’s are SHITTY. In a financial emergency, your 401k will DISAPPEAR. I almost wonder if its SAFER to put your money in a regular savings account and make .00000001% interest. Rather than risk THE WHOLE THING to get like 3% a year.  I mean its not like we’re not headed for collapse!!!!!

it seems kinda STUPID to use a 401k! the WHOLE THING could be wiped out!

so what’s the smart alternative?

physical gold which you guard at home with many gunz, of coursh!!!!!

many sons and lots of guns, hahahaha. your sons can guard your gold with guns while you are off prostituting yourself for the god damn j00z, hahahahaha.

oh wewlad i got an appointment to take the damn post office test already. I applied for a city carrier Position (just call them JOBS.wav) and then quickly got an email to take a test! usually the test is all full up. i never took the actual test before. anyway they had an online portion i could take right now and had to take within 3 days. took that right away. 150 questions, 90 minutes to complete. bunch of personality shit. the psi inc company.

i was dishonest and distorted even though it said doing that would not be in my best interest.

hahahaha watch they stick me in the most stressful job because my test results said I LOVE stress. well then Ill just quit again hahahaha.

i wonder if blacks handle job stress better than whites. the blacks will just say fug u mufugga bix nood and be surly and shitty, while whites get flustered and crazy and Worried. whites really want to do a good job, blacks dont care, and will do shoddy quality if it means not worrying. don worry be happy mon.

but yeah. damn. my life was better with her in it. she added a lot of positives to my life. she was a lot of fun and she built me up and made me strong just by being around.  well when she became distant, then being around her made me weak and worried and weak. and overall she was a net negative and i wish i never met her…..because she did add so much “value.” YUGE value-add with her. and her leaving has left a YUGE void which I don’t know how to fill. well i have to learn how to live with the void. love the void hahaha.

normally the person doing the dumping also gives SYMPATHY to the person they’re dumping.

to be dumped with no sympathy is ROUGH. it would hurt a NORMIE, and devastate a low confidence neet loser! also also make you think you did something TERRIBLE to be treated that way!

but she was set up to fail, she had no father to teach her how to dump a guy.

but mothers can do that do! her single mother was actually pretty good and taught her how to be a nice gurl and not a huge slut.

yeah well she didnt teach her how to dump a guy hahahahaha.

ps i got the notepad++ spellchecker working using the following method:





sorry sometimes I just have to explode with butthurt mansplaining.

but not all mansplaining is butthurt. men LIKE feeling smart. maybe women PLAY DUMB to stroke mens ego, to make them feel smart.

or they play dumb to see how dumb the man thinks they are.

god damn dumb btich. ever think its part of the provider and protector role? that its similar to the chivalrous good feels men get from helping or protecting women? similar thing with mansplaining. its BENEVOLENT in other words. benign.

i guess sometimes its less benign. lets say its 66 good and 33 bad.

i mean ive done both. I felt good and strong and kind when I sometimes mansplained things to That Woman. other times I was frustrated like you fooking MORON how can you BE so Dense!!!!!! I’m not a fookin GENIUS, how dumb are YOU?

also its stupid that women PLAY DUMB just to break your balls and shit test you like that. they’re TRYING To make you mad. they dont LIKE to make you mad, and it sure doesnt turn them on or like you more! its a shit test! they’re trying to make you mad, so if you get mad, they can reject you!

therefore, since mansplaining can be good or bad depending on the situation, so can women playing dumb be good or bad. sometimes they do it to invite good mansplaining to make you feel strong. that means they like you. sometimes they play dumb to shit test you and if you mansplain angrily then you fail the test and the poosy SNAPS SHUT. and they will never admit to this because they’re not even aware of it. they honestly dont think its true. their own natures are hidden to themselves. this is adaptive for some reason. probably similar to how other things like Ovulation and The Womb are CONCEALED. Its just a by product of the uterus and the power it holds. you cant hate them for it.

but you CAN get sad then they dump you brutally, because because dumped brutally hurts INHERENTLY, i dont care WHO you are.






april 10

i was bored with franks red hot sauce, and switched to “valentinas mexican hot sauce”. it is a little thicker and a more exciting, less vinegary flavour. i like it. praise the LORD.

fook. i should write my own Business Communication Book. seriously. theres SUCH A VOID out there. I CANT BELIEVE no one has written this DEARLY NEEDED book. You could make a MILLION BUCKS.

write something for BEWILDERED, FLUSTERED level 1 tech support agents who don’t understand shit and have to constantly deal with shit they dnt understand, and try to explain things they dont understand.

it could be as easy and honest as saying, listen, honestly I dont understand this, so I can’t explain it to you.

the risk there is that they think youre WRONG that nothing can be done. which is fair. how do you know nothing can be done if you can’t explain why? isnt it possible that you the newb are MISSING something?

most often you are just relaying information from level 2 : “tell them it cant be fixed.” level 2 should be smart enough to know that kind of shit MAKES the caller want to speak with THEM.

so you say ok i can handle it….but you really cant.

the trick is to, at the end of the day, review all 20 or so of your new cases and figure out what questions you have, what didnt make sense at the time. and then MAKE SENSE out of it, make flashcards, make podcasts, so that you understand it before the next work day.

you have your 8-10 hours at work, then you have you HOMEWORK to learn and prepare for work, hahaha.

if you work 40 hours a week, try to study 10 hours outside of work for that.

if yu work 50 hours a week, shit. just say fook it, no studying, im here 50 hours a week.

if you work 30 hours a week, study like 6 hours a week, and better yet, do it there, so they can see you staying late. or early. whenever the manager is most likely to see you.

These Are The 10 Most Redneck Cities in Florida

i heard that florida panhandle is super duper REDNECK. REDNECK is code for area where I want to live and want to raise my children, around friendly, gun-toting, politically incorrect, white people. redneck is best neck hahaha.

redneck means WHITE MAN COME HOME.

I wanna take my waifu and live in a really REDNECK area.

now i would want to be within 10 miles of community college where my children could learn professional and trade skills. and also maybe not too much of snake handling religious evangelicals. catholics would be just fine though. ok where do catholic rednecks live. or orthodox hahahaha.

there are a lot of white rednecks in the deep south but also a lot of blacks.

but plenty of white rednecks use meth and act like blacks hahaha. and other rednecks drink too much.  and what if they dont like me APPROPRIATING their cultcha hahahaha.

it doesnt matter. we are all whites. its not really appropriating hahaha.

i dont think the people who like my posts realize that i am an out and proud white racist.

tallahassee area might be ideal for me. but the redneck small towns outside of tallahassee. but close enough to the amenities of the big city, and far away enough from the diversity hahaha. also i like a good state university sometimes. a place where mah keeids can get a good stem or business or medical degree. ivy league might frown on FSU but its more than good enough for me and my kin.

plenty of lakes and forests in the area, redneck riviera nearby. come on. perfect.

nearby midway is 86% black hahahahaha. i looked at it because i thought great, a nice white suburb of the big black citay. hahahaha its 86% black. this is why it helps to be familiar with an area.

not that i hate blacks, but i just dont want to live in an 86% black area, and I bet many of the blacks there dont want to live there either.

well the street view looks like what we would call the COUNTRY. martin luther king blvd doesnt look at ALL what I expect MLK blvd to look like.  i mean it doesnt look that bad at all. it looks very liveinable!

also i didnt like that i was willing to help her with the job, but she wasnt willing to help me, and I seemed to need so much help, and she didn’t need ANY, yet, honestly, i was much BETTER and SMARTER than her. I didnt need help as much as I thought I did, and she needed much more help than she thought she did. she was way overconfident and i was way underconfident.

i needed emotional, moral support more than anything. cuz it was a fooking tuff job. i hated that it was so tuff for me, and so easy for her.

no it wasnt easy for her, but god damn it was super tuff for ME. and she got me the damn job hahahaha. i wouldnt have been there if she hadnt essentially offered and encouraged me to take the job. now she wasnt gonna help me with it hahaha. talk about a betrayal hahahaha. here get this horrible job and im not gonna help you with it even though you will need tons of help hahaha. no its not a technical betrayal but it just sucked balls. huge disappointment.

try to get some lumbar support on your back when sitting. especially if you are sitting for 10 hours a day, glued to the desk, multitasking 10 different weird cases.

and when she started out, she had her longterm BF to help HER. this is the noncheater, the decent guy, i got along with him. when HE left, my feelings started to form. it was clear he was no longer invested in the rel. it was clearly over. anyway he was a lot tuffer than me and he was good at the job to. he could help her whenever she needed. also since they lived together she could talk to him at ANY time about job related worries. like wake up in the middle of the night and fear OH GOD WHAT DO I DO IF. and he will be there hahaha.

yeah that happened to me sometimes.

im not sure if HE studied outside of work, but he also had no problem working 90 hours a week, so im sure he learned a lot then.

you have got to be TOUGH to do that. I would get offered overtime but I would always turn it down. no I will not stay one extra hour for 20 DAH!!!!!

try really slowing down the speed to like 2.6 mph if you are going above 8 or 9 % incline on the treadmill. slow speed with high incline. can still burn a decent amount of calkories.

and if you can burn 1000 calories in one Gym Session, that is really good. it takes me like 2 hours at least hahaha.

you HAVE to know if the person you a dating or fooking is fooking somebody else. its your business because youre fooking them too and could get a disease from the other person. so if they say, its none of your business what i do with my body, say fook yeah it IS, because i can get a disease from the sleaze you do with your whorish body!!!!

same thing if you are dating somebody with a history of cheating. you dont want them to cheat on YOU.  have they repented for their sins and promised to never cheat again? and how are you supposed to believe them?

this is why i prefer to date women that have never been sluts, AND who have never cheated. this is like 1% of women hahahahaa.

well, maybe i am too harsh. maybe it is like 5% of women. that is still a small minority, BUT its FIVE TIMES more optimistic than my previous estimate!

the largest employers in my city  have like 3000, 2000, 1000 employees….but each of them list like only 2 or 3 openings for mid level engineers and managers with 10 years of experience!!!! where are all the entry level machine operators and warehouse people?

does the company not even list these jobs and the temp agency is the only person who knows about the openings?

in which case you CANT apply directly to the company, the company does not even BOTHER “sourcing talent” at such a low, untalented level? maybe.

and of course the temp agencies never say who their client is. client confidential.

so now you need to find the staffing agency so and so uses. toyota. general motors. microsoft. apple. well they get their shit manufactured in china. foxxconn. suicide nets and all that. dont know what I’m talking about? THEN YOU DONT DESERVE A JOBB!!!!!!

that was my big motto a few years ago in 2012 when I was working my fun, loser job, before I got my horrible bigboy job. I thought of all the people dumber than me who were gainfully employed and i was butthurt because they didnt DESERVE their jobs!!!!! they didnt know such and such piece of business related trivia!

well some of it is pretty relevant, important “trivia!”  just ask the families of the people who jumped out of the windows of foxconn!

that PERSON wouldnt know what I am talking about!!!! how is she smart enough to make 15DAH?

but I’m also not as smart as I thought I am. I have like 101 IQ. 115 MAX. so, not super smart.

also she doesnt really need to know about foxconn to be able to do her job WELL. she just needs to be able to reject people well, say it is what it is, i cant help you, there is no explanation, sorry, goodbye. and she is much better at that than I am. whereas I am much better at actually knowing things and understanding things and really solving problems at their ROOT cause. she is horrible at all these things. she just wants to smoke MJ and listen to music and Fight The System and maybe fook a few Tough Guys, maybe a few Blacks, try to find a father figure.

but she’s still more successful at job, luv, and life than me. she makes a lot more money than me. she has been in a 5 year monog rel. I have never been in a monog rel. just shitty pseudo rels for 3 months maximum.

and it wasnt because i had trust issues or narcissism issues or insecurity issues. well I DID but they didnt know me well enough to even realize that. women short term date guys ALL THE TIME like this. how many guys you fooked where you dated them less than 3 months?

oooooooo shit that is going RIGHT in my interview for wife file hahahaha.

how many guys you fooked where you dated them less than 3 months? fooked a guy but never really dated him; and he wanted a rel, but you didnt, and just fooked him a little and was DONE with him within 3 months? his TURN was over.

or maybe he didnt want a rel. you just casually fooked and then one or both of you lost interest within 3 months. no big investment. just fooking another man. another faceless chad in the cox WALL.


i just hate that she is going out and having casual secs with dudes. cuz this just what ALL PEOPLE do.  that she is giving away freely, what I would have basically given my LIFE for.  absolutely disgusting and horrifying.

you can get pregnant you MORON! secs SHOULD be more serious for women! the consequences are more SERIOUS for women!!!!!! thats WHY theres a double standard!!!! yet even decent, smart, nonslutty women don’t understand and will deny The Double Standard. Oh well. let them deny it as long as they don’t walk the talk and become sluts.

fookin sluts. have a baby with anyone.

how come women will have a babby with ANY man, yet men have STANDARDS about who they have babys with??!?!

how come women dont have standards, but men do?

hahahaha. see going down a bad cognitive path here.

its not even true. women have standards too. and some of them have reasonable standards. a sizeable minority even! at least 30% of women have reasonable standards. that is, they know how to pick a strong, secure man who is also not a thug or deadbeat or scammer or Player. a strong man who would be a good husband and father. 30% of women can pick a strong man and not be fooled by deadbeats.

doesn’t help you if you’re not a strong man! you are even less attractive than deadbeats then! and its probably easier to become a charismatic deadbeat than an actual strong man!!!!


need help to think outside of the box and innovate and PROBLEM SOLVE

when did SHE ever  BUY a book on Problem Solving , and another book on Communication, to help her at her job? When did she ever use Communication to help solve a problem in a Relationship? come on!

I hate how she is associated with my confidence in my JOB. how do I unassociate her from this.


this book would be worth assigning to our people at the Help Desk. but nooooo I only found it 9 months after quitting the job hahaha.

Heh. I just bought that book with the amazon gift card i earned from doing a market research study. along with a package of soft cotton hanes boxer shorts hahahahaha. i got $100 at amazon. want to use it wisely. i dont want to go back to to help desk service desk technical support shit but…..hopefully this book with its customer service principles can be extarpolated to other shit too. my technical skills were pretty good, but the technical reference / knowledge base we had was SHITTY. Oh yeah. thats not in the knowledge base.

i do quite enjoy this valentinas hot sauce over the franks hot sauce. franks is very vinegary and I am totally bored with it after eating it for years. the valentinas has a more complex and interesting flavor as well.

fooking bitch. then reading stuff to try to help me with jobs like THAT JOB makes me think of THAT WOMAN and how she doesnt have to work SO HARD just to not go crazy. she doesnt buy books off amazon. she doesnt study work shit on her free time. she doesnt have her mind racing on work stuff. she doesnt wake up in the middle of the night worried about work stuff and what if i get a call on this thing i dont know. or even we have no idea how this works, but we support it. how can you support something that you dont know how it works, or how to fix it?

no. she just leaves the work stuff at work and takes MJ.

for me it was IMPOSSIBLE to leave work at work. i kept bringing it home more and more until there was no separation. i wasnt working on projects, i was studying shit because there was so mcuh shit to know. and i wanted to be prepared for every possible type of call.

she didnt do that! she focused on her family hahahaha.

and now she is prob focuses on Badboy Cox! the darker the better!

anyway i hate losing all confidence in the job, then connecting HER to the job, and oh SHE can do it, and I cant. shes TOUGHER than me, she can HANDLE LIFE better, she can handle ridiculous situations better.

i hate that i broke down and she doesnt care.

if i had broke down but not gotten feelings for her, she probably would have extended care and comfort, like im sorry you couldnt handle the job.

help desk service desk


this is the closest think to a help desk trade/professional “journal” i have seen. again most of the shit is geared towards managers and not stuff thats really gonna help level 1 schmucks like me and her. some people just have a real hard time with it and flunk out, like me. others adapt and move up. like her.  maybe thats why she threw me away like a piece of garbage. because I was worthless at my job hahahaha.

well thats false. like i said before, i was a lot better than her.

i actually handled calls LIKE A BOSS for a while. when i used to sit next to her, she could hear all my calls and she said she was impressed by the way i handled calls so well, oh she could never handle calls like that!


we had internal forums where our users would comment on the software in a desperate attempt to try to learn from each other, because training sucked, and experts were hiding somewhere laughing at us idiots. they would say pleeease help meeeee and wait for an “expert” or “moderator” to read and respond, usually with shitty advice. you could tell that the first moderators to respond were contractors making 10 DAH, spelling errors, blacks hahahaha. and they would respond with something that clearly indicated they DIDNT understand the problem at ALL. it went WAY over their heads. and eventually boiled down to “call tech support so we can start a ticket.” then you could talk to an “idiot” that didnt understand you. and hopefully get your shit escalated to someone who does understand.

and all the knowledge is secret. everythings a big secret and you dont understand anything.


its somewhat useful stuff, but wasnt super relevant to Surviving In The Trenches. that’s what I want. how do so many people do it? how come theres nothing on the fookin INTERNET???!?!?!?! the internet is supposed to be full of information!!!!


this woman actually has some good sample bullshit phrases for when you dont know:


“Let me be sure I understand which information you’re looking for…”

“Based on what we know today, my thoughts are…”

“That’s a timely question, because I’m currently gathering XYZ information…”

“I can answer that in part, but would like to consider it further and get back to you.”

“Great question.  I’m just not familiar enough with XYZ to hazard a guess.  Let me connect you with…”


1. Here’s what I know. “I do know sales for X client are up from last quarter.”
2. Here’s what I don’t know. “However, I don’t know the exact sales numbers for this quarter off the top of my head.”
3. Here’s how I’ll figure it out. “So let me go back to the earnings release, double check the numbers, and get back to you. When do you need this information by?”




“I’m not completely sure, so I’d rather get you the exact and accurate answer by (give date).”

Then, in a very obvious way, write down the question and person’s contact information (or select someone else to do it), research it, and follow up on time as promised. Be specific, if possible, “I will contact our head of engineering today, and if his schedule permits giving me an answer quickly, I will get back to you no later than tomorrow afternoon. Is that okay?”


does SHE have a fooking 9000 page what to say during the interview file on how you answer questions like “what do you say and do when somebody asks you a question you dont know the answer to.”

no she just smokes MJ and GOES WITH THE FLOW. keep calm and carry on. god damn.

and got mad at ME because I actually wanted to really fix problems and udnerstand what the caller was saying.

dont take it out on ME just because youre a lazy moron!!!!!

hehehe i am taking it out on her that I couldnt handle the job. and that i couldnt handle HER. but in my defense, she handled me HORRIBLE. she couldnt handle ME!



shit. how does anyone handle life hahaha. why isnt everyone 30 year old virgin neets hahahaha.



apr 8

yeah a jooish movie but that line is one reason why it is a classic and why i think its funny so i will put it in the oven last hahahaha.


i am looking for a forum for support to the tech support hahaha. mainly its just phags complaining about how bad tech support is. but what about the poor bastards who have to WORK there? whos supporting them? I want something from people who work in the trenches. stuff to say and do to make their job easier.


i empathize with the OP hahaha


ok i am definitely not cut out for it hahaha


oh dear god: QUOTE from above link

I have worked in tech-support in some mode or another for bout 9 years. It is summed up for me with the following:

A man in a hot air balloon is lost. He sees a man on the ground and reduces height to speak to him.

“Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?”
“You’re in a hot air balloon hovering thirty feet above this field,” comes the reply.

“You must work in Information Technology,” says the balloonist.
“I do,” says the man, “How did you know?”

“Well,” says the balloonist, “Everything you told me is technically correct, but it’s no use to anyone.”
“You must be in business,” says the man.

“I am,” says the balloonist, “How did you know?”
“Well,” says the man, “You don’t know where you are, you don’t know where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help.
You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault.”





]Mimsay 15 points 12 months ago
Yes! I worked for an extended warranty company for 6 years and just quit in October. The first few years were ok, but then they were bought by another company that cared about metrics above ANYTHING else. In 3 years, I gained almost 100 pounds, I started having panic attacks, became depressed and was drinking heavily every night just to escape. I wouldn’t quit until I found another job and had several interviews that never panned out. Towards the end, I got sick and the supervisors treated me horribly. I was having to go to the bathroom like every 30 minutes. Even though I went to the doctor and brought a note explaining what was wrong, my supervisor still insisted on following me into the bathroom to “make sure” I really did have diarrhea every single time. She would stand outside the stall door and listen to me shit. It was insane. I started having panic attacks daily, every morning before work. I just couldn’t make myself go anymore. I thought “I need to call the dr and have them up my anxiety meds!” And then I realized that job was slowly killing me. I didn’t need more meds, I needed to not work there anymore. So I called my supervisor and quit. I was unemployed for 3-4 weeks with no money and no savings, which should have been super stressful, but I just felt free. I finally found a job that I love and I’ve been doing great ever since. I’ve lost weight without trying, I’m off all my depression and anxiety meds, I haven’t had a single panic attack and I don’t abuse alcohol anymore.


bootnab 7 points 12 months ago
Worked in pharmacy benefits management. One of the big bads. We were outsource for much of the nation, a buffer for the insurance companies themselves. Dead spouses. Addiction. Mental illness. Rage. Ineptitude. Countless system and account errors. I remember once having to deny a request for an infant’s siezure meds because their insurance company hadn’t replied to the doctor’s request for an authorisation. [ufmll: i have worried about this exact situation, well, dyring relatives cancer treatments, hahaha, even though i never worked in such a place, and never want to!!!!!] All day every day constantly streaming down the phone line. 10 seconds between calls.
I wound up with serious depression. An existential crisis. Cold, ugly resentment for my fellow humans. I can safely say it contributed to the demise of my marriage. When I finally got turned loose there was a jaunty tune in my heart and a bounce in my step that hadn’t been there in over a year
Nowadays I work light induatrial in a union shop. With earplugs. All blessed day. Sometimes I’ll even leave them in during my lunch break.


[–]feor1300 4 points 12 months ago
Not me personally, but I know people who have. One guy I worked with left work one day at the end of his regular shift, went to the parking lot, took the tire iron out of his trunk, and demolished his own vehicle with it, broke all the windows on it, smashed the mirrors, huge dents everywhere. Imagine John Goodman showing what happens when you f00k a stranger in the ass, basically that. Then he went over to the bus stop, got on the bus, and went directly to the local mental hospital and checked himself in.
He was there for 3 or 4 weeks before they let him out, and when he came back to work he claims that he just completely blacked out after he punched out. Doesn’t remember anything until he work up in the hospital except for vaguely knowing that he had to go there and get help.
He was back for about 2 months before he handed in his notice. And he made no secret of the fact that he was only still there because he couldn’t afford to quit and then look for a job.
He had a pretty good sense of humor about it at least, anytime anyone called him crazy he’d answer with “No I’m not, I’ve got a piece of paper that says I’m better!”


good job guize hahaha

the type of job that you barely survive every day and want to go home and hug your waifu or husbando…..but you dont have one because you are not TOUGH ENOUGH to handle weird phone calls all day hahaha.

its worse than working in the COAL MINES!!!!

i dont mind technical support per se. i do mind the CALL CENTER. being chained to the desk all day. doing from one mind fooking problem immediately to the next. you get disoriented and discombobulated. it is completely unnatural. stories of people snapping. walking out. never coming back.  it is not for everybody.

applied for county department clerk job with animal control department, sweet 13 DAH job, i would rather put orphaned abused animals to death than deal with constant weird phone calls hahahaha. i mean i love animals, no nonpsychopath wouldnt, but……… god damn fooking call centers are such an abomination they must have been invented by a J. that is no way for white people to WORK.

and another job as record clerk at local credit union.

neither are call centers and neither focus 100% on customer service. i dont think.

its like taking a test all day every day. you cant go out after work because you have another 8 hour exam tomorrow youve got to study and rest for. you can’t relax and enjoy music. your sex drive is GONE. you dont even want to jerk off. you just want peace of mind for your job.

you dont know what youre doing, nothing makes sense, you cant explain anything, you lose ability to use normal logic, you feel like you are going crazy! you dont know what to do! you feel weak and flustered like a cornered animal.

you really need nerves of steel.

when there is SO MUCH that doesnt make sense. some Techs think all callers are idiots. i never thought that. I felt like an idiot because i didnt understand our damn companys technology because it was so complicated and confusing. yet I was the expert who was supposed to fix shit.

how does SHE do it?

because SHE doesnt care. SHE is unhelpful and wrong. also she has Thirsty Men willing to Bend Over Backwards to do her work for her. or at least HELP her. HELP is crucial. but in so many companies peopel refuse to give you HELP.


i disrespectfully disagree with this n199er bitch hahahahaha but she is a better writer and speller than You Know Who.


want coworker to take on new responsibilities, but WONT EVEN TELL THEM WHAT THE RESPONSIBILITIES ARE, let ALONE how to do them. jeeeeez.




no comments. literally. there are 0 comments from readers. but i agree, sink or swim “TRAINING” SUCKS.


USE THE TEN MINUTE RULE, if yu cant figure it out in 10 minutes, THEN ASK.

use torrent sites to download ebooks in epub or mobi format


see i wouldnt last long at a place like AMAZON. everything ive heard about their cutthroat environment sounds horrible. not that i could get into that corporate level. but even the “fulfillment team associates” job sounds terrible. probably YUUUGE turnover there.

but yeah. the unfriending, followed by the blocking, and you couldnt even have a third party deliver a message. these things made me think you were mad at me, hated me, didnt care about causing me pain!

and it hurts when you dont even care about causing me pain! just as bad as the pain itself.

how could you jsut stop caring about me? just turn that OFF?

yeah that metaness. its almost worse to realize that she COULD just stop caring about me.

which made me think, oh god, i must have done something horribly wrong to make her do this!!!!

i never unfriended someone, but i was thinking about unfriending her. i would accompany it with a message saying this doesnt mean i hate you. it means i LIKE you but i dont think you like me.

she sent me NO message with the unfriending.

id rather think she was just a scared avoiding coward, rather than she HATED me. i dont like being HATED by someone I LOVED. that makes you think you did something WRONG. i never wanted to do anything wrong to her!!!!

didnt she want to have me NOT think that i did something horribly wrong? couldnt she have her mom or this mutual friend contact me?

interesting story. a mutual friend is also someone who approved me to use them as a REFERENCE for JOBS. email, phone number, a nice letter, we had a conversation about it. now i am starting to use them in some job apps as my 3rd or 4th reference for a 12 DAH job hahahaha.

because in the back of my mind I want them to get called, get asked about me, then the mutual person could contact me, oh how you been, and then I could tell them The Story. And maybe they could tell me a story about Her too. or did That Woman get to the mutual friend already and tell them UNTRUTHS about ME? I sorta want to know!!

I buy my own office supplies for Work: pens, pencils, notepads, printing paper, post it notes, rubber bands, white boards, even my own little file cabinet and storage shelving. and a fan hahaha. and my own coffee machine. i can also chip in for printer toner cartridges. also you can garnish my pay for every mistake i make, so that i only make $1 per paycheck hahahaha. way less than minimum wage. just say i made too many mistakes so you gotta dock my pay. thats fine. thats what sink or swim is. mistakes have consequences!

waiting to pounce, sneak attack, biding his time, ulterior motives, etc. i can understand being mad about these things….but I WASNT DOING THAT!!!!!! and I wanted her to undnerstand that. but she refused to listen to me.

otherwise i would have “POUNCED” the instant she was finished with her main BF!!!!!!!!!!



that prob wont work, but my traveler iq is 122. i wish my real iq were that high! then i might be able to make $12.2 dollars an hour hahahaha

i simply cant believe the average hourly wage is 24 dollars an hour (US). there are SO MANY people making less than 15 DAH.

you are not given the tools to succeed, you have build your own tools. thrown to the wolves. become a wolf hahaha.

What do I do here?


I dont know HOW to figure it out.


I….HOW do I figure it out?


doesnt it seem like this would cost the company shitloads of money?????

How do you figure something out when you dont know HOW to figure it out?

fix this broken car. figure out how to fix it. that’s your job.

figure out how to remove this tumor from the persons brain.

if i had any inkling how to figure it out, i wouldnt be asking you!!! i dont even know where to begin!

this looks SO BAD when you are struggling in front of customers!

i like the 10 minute rule. surely your god damn manager could understand that its better for you to get help from another employee (“team member”) than to be UNPRODUCTIVE for 10 minutes!!!!

google how to figure things out on your own


come on. if people are asking you for help, its because they need help now. their caller is waiting on hold waiting for them to fix a problem they’ve never seen.

what if your brainstorming takes you down a totally wrong path because you are in a dark cave and have no idea what is right and what is wrong?

i just say do shit WRONG and then when they tell you you did it wrong, you say, ok, whats the right way to do it then? ok thank you im sorry i’ll never do it again, you can see me writing this down right now. thanks for the feedback phaggot hahahahaha

april 9

yes stuff like this causes anxiety, worry, and panic.

trying to find books by phds on anxiety and panic now.

i dont get full blown panic, i get half blown panic. just really flustered. it still makes it really hard to DO shit when you need to. or especially to sound confident and competent.

1 piece of pie from the grocery store freezer, the pies in the ice cream aisle, 1 slice has 310 calories hahaha. therefore, never eat these pies.  i would much rather blow 310 calories on pad thai than on a pie.

i tried the lastpass program.  i wanted to have different strong passwords for the most important sites, rather than reusing versions of the same password everywhere.

its a good idea but lastpass had a few big cons. namely it doesnt update chrome with any passwords you change in lastpass. and if you change all your passwords in lastpass then decide to go back to chrome, that sucks.

you can export a text file of all the passwords though. so i did that and uninstalled lastpass then manually updated chrome with the 3 passwords i had changed.

even that took like 2 hours because I had trouble getting chrome to offer to save the gosh darn GOOGLE password.

because chrome is connected to your google user account. yes not a good explanation but thats the best i got.

so you have to go into settings, disconnect google account, clear cache, sign into google, THEN it offers to save password, THEN you can sign into the BROWSER, ie connect chrome with your google user account.

it felt kind of workaroundy. kludgey. it would be nice if one of those google developers making 300 grand a year could fix this, rather than getting workaround advice from their indian level 1 tech support people hahahaha. well are they gonna FIX this? is a VERY relevant question. but I also don’t expect the indians to know that. most assholes WOULD expect them to know that though.

anything that has a workaround is not gonna be fixed soon. just use the workaround forever.

honestly. the first line of support has about as much access to higher levels of support as YOU do.

so you are basically asking YOURSELF to fix something for you. that you dont know how to fix. except the person knows even less than you because theyve never used the program! so they try to fix it by struggling with it for an hour, with you on the phone. struggling the same as you did. except you only struggled for 5 minutes then called Tech Support and got bitchy when you watched them struggle for an hour.

well can you struggle then call me back? nope our policy says we must keep you on the line. we have to be on an active call at all times hahaha. hold for 5 minutes, let me ask permission if I can go into after call mode so i can call you back. 5 mins later….no i can’t, we have too many people holding. nope we cant hire more people, that would cost money.

i would say welp let me continue to work on this and get back to you every 10 minutes. better than interrupting them every 5 minutes saying yep still struggling and getting nowhere because this whole time ive just been waiting for level 2 to respond to me with useless shitty advice.

basically the company policies were not helpful to level 1 or the people it was our job to help. our real job was to give the appearance of giving them help, while satisfying the metrics of the service level agreement. the SLA hahahaha. some items in there were relevant, others were deceptive. and you had to cut corners to make the metrics. naturally customers are not happy about this.

am i the only one who has trouble with this? absolutely not. other employees complain about not knowing how to do their job, and or being put into impossible situations.  but actual useful information on how to DEAL with this is SO difficult to find.  whether its actual job related explanations and answers you can use, or its meta type help on just how to survive in these situations written by phds who know how the mind works hahaha and know the mind hacks to train you to survive here.

all you can do is say: it is what it is, there is no explanation for that, OR give them some bullshit.  period. and its impossible to bullshit when you are new.

you CANT simply say “good question, let me find the answer for you” because that is going to take at LEAST 10 minutes.

so i guess you could say, good question, are you willing to wait 10 minutes to find out the answer? and it probably wont be a good one? like they say, if you NEED an explanation, you’re probably not gonna like it or understand it once you get it?

now these are all real skills for dealing with difficult situations. but you can’t explain them like THAT, to managers. cuz managers are the best bullshitters of all, plus they totally lose track with reality, because they dont DO the job, so they push you to unreasonable “targets.” do more. do more than can possibly be done. we are already at the breaking point. so just push us harder. becuase you have to be constantly “growing.” short term is better than long term. these are our LEADERS.

9 months since i talked to that person. 7.9 months since i contacted that person. hehehehe. i figure it makes sense that it takes at LEAST 9 months to make some real progress. that the analogy of a gestating Baby is very apt. its the amount of time it takes for a new life to be born. and you are really trying to be reborn yourself. start life alone without your Soulmate hahaha.

and that’s just bare minimum, to get to 51% or so. therefore, about 18 months before you are normal again. ready to be Emotionally Available for someone new. i guess till then just have casual sex with bitches and whores hahaha if you CAN.

sometimes the dumper contacts YOU even though they dont want to apologize OR get back together. this has not happened here hahaha.

shit when i imagine what would a person have to do to get ME to unfriend and block them. they would have to BETRAY me and do something TERRIBLE to me. which is why i was horrified to think that I BETRAYED her and wasnt even aware of it. how could I be SO HORRIBLE and not even be AWARE of it? I was just a Horrible Person without even knowing it!!!!!

that is what you are left with when someone leaves you like this!

they say a woman is never really WITH you, it’s just your TURN. someday your TURN will be over, and another guy will get HIS turn. certainly your TURN is over before you want it to be.

I just thought we were having trouble, but we could work through it. i didnt realize my TURN was OVER.

if you want my turn to be over, have the decency to tell my my turns over. cuz some people actually want ot talk about problems and fix things, not just END things.

i didnt think it was the END. I thought it was just a rough patch. COME ON. the signs are ambiguous. they can indicate both or either of those things.  naturally i hoped they just indicated a rough patch. we can work thru a rough patch, i thought! and the end is just horrifying, incomprehensible, a part of you DIES! hahahaha. well at least it couldnt get any worse. And I got a good story out of it hahahaha. i mean this is is Life Motherfooker. LIVE IT hahaha.

but yeah i cant even put myself in her position. it is too far off of anything i can even imagine. i cant imagine hating a former friend like that. and of course i dont like being HATED by former friends.

I never had a really super big falling out with a friend like this before!

i have grown apart from many friends, but no real animosity or regret there. I had a feud with a guy where I really hated him, but he was never really my FRIEND. I hated this gurl I “dated” after she dumped me, but I got over that as I got over her. I hated her for leading me on, but she was just doing what gurls do, this was not the worst leading on. It was more something I really really really WANTED. I was leading myself on!

Yeah I might have blocked HER. but I always wanted to look at her damn facebook page, so I couldnt bring myself to block her. I think I might have unfriended her like a year since I last saw her.  yeah I eventually unfriended her at least a YEAR later.  which is super different than what happened here: her unfriending and blocking ME while she still knows me! I have no frame of reference for this! its disorienting! i had honestly never had anything CLOSE to this happen to me before! so much new shit!

first time I got feelings for a female friend.

first time I was rejected LIKE THIS. totally blocked, abandoned, ignored, avoided, silent treatment, ghosted, thrown away.

first time I was ever blocked by somebody on FB.

first time I quit my job over a WOMAN.

first time I ever sent long emails telling the detailed story of how I feel, and begging PLEASE RESPOND.

first time, one day someone is a big part of your life, next day, they’re GONE. they HATE you. and wont even give you the courtesy of telling you. because maybe YOU did something horrible without even knowing it. because youre a horrible person. but you are dead to them, they want to be dead to you too.

yeah its very disorienting. how long did they feel like this? what do they really feel? ultimately I was given a lot more information by the other women when they dumped me. i knew they didnt HATE me, they didnt feel BETRAYED by me, they just didnt want to DATE me, they simply didnt feel the same way.

it was such a painful thing for me, and I couldnt believe she was capable of doing something that caused me such pain.

yeah a lot of that pain was self inflicted. because i luved her. I could have just hated her immediately and said fook her, i’ll throw HER away now. but i couldnt.

really its just a matter of she freaked out like a cornered animal. she blocked me not because she HATED me, but because she just couldnt DEAL with me. heh. I would have been more ok with that if she had just sent one final message saying im blocking you know and heres why.

well, i would probably still beg her to respond to me!

hey. when women get dumped by men they luv, they go BATSHIT crazy. they STALK the guy, they BOMBARD him with messages, they contact him CONSTANTLY.

i wonder what SHE did when that guy cheated on her hahaha. I know she was upset.

well I’m upset too when she throws away a 2.7 relationship without a word!!!!! who does that!!!!!

I was a weak thirsty beta but I dont think I deserved THAT!!!!!

but its a just an avoiding coward being a damn avoiding coward!

i never had someone who was DESPERATE to talk to me and I was REFUSING to talk to them. the few people I hated, they were never desperate to talk to me. quite the opposite! they were having a grand old time not talking to me!

and HER, its harder to hate, because we were friends for such a long time! it’s easier to hate them when you only knew them for a couple months. then you know you never really knew them. but her I did!!!!!!

2.7 years!!!!

i knew her well enough that I thought I did really know her; and it happened before my mind was CLOUDED with LUV.

sometimes callers call in and just request ridiculous things.

what do you do when you have no sense of what is actually ridiculous and what is not?

how to explain that they are being ridiculous?

33 tips for giving great technical support at a small software company without being swamped

here is an ok article, where its hard to find ok articles like this. but I would need much, much more. I would need Regular training and REgular meetings with people in my workplace, who knew my workplaces tech and procedures and policies and cases, to  give very specific advice. cant find that on the internet. couldnt even get that after working there a year hahahaha.

no there was acutally a knowledge base. my best research came from reading the knowledge base and the case notes from home. make sure you can at least do that. some of the more serious stuff you needed to log into a VPN, which i didnt have access to. but I could log onto the company intranet from home and see some stuff: knowledge base and case notes. that was yuuuuge.

Supporting Your Product: How To Provide Technical Support

i am just googling how to provide tech support. for help with people who have been thrown into the deep end of level 1 and panic that they dont know how to do their jobs…because they DONT….yet they still have to talk to people and solve their problems. there should be a BOOK. by a mentor or guru type. there was that kindle book by the steffy guy.

ok article but more helpful for level 3 and management above. not the level 1 bastards, which you and me are most likely to be. doing the HARD work. the REAL work.


kinda shitty no brainer article. how about training your tier 1 people on all the fooking issues? make them experts in issues and solving them? this would involve a bigger, better knowledge base. up to date, clear articles on every issue, that answer the question of why and how and give you an EXPLANATION, and a paragraph that can be digested by the client. we had 10000 page articles that were confusing as fook. the users couldnt understand it, and we couldnt understand it. basically we tried to fix stuff by reading a complicated manual and hope we understood it correctly, which is impossible.


a very good spirited article but again nothing meaty here jeff. he is clearly a developer who knows his product inside and out, therefore, he can confidently know when a caller is wrong and he is right. how do you train the bum off the street desperate for a job who is gonna be answering the phone, taking those crazy calls?

also what if you cant give them a discount. because you work for the same company. then its reasonable that there customer gets a discount for having to wait for tech support to fix the product. but see tech support cannot offer those discounts. the people in the field have to offer the discounts for tech support delays. so ideally the field office managers should be aware of this. maybe they are but they havent made their office staff  aware of it.

well YOU fooked up, cant YOU reduce the price? not like you dont have access to the program?

nope, only the field can change the price, and it has to come out of their discount budget.

this is EXACTLY why the field gets angry at tech support, because they dont want to go into THEIR budget for dscounts, when they dont see it as THEIR problem. this is understandable and reasonable, and I still dont know what to say to that. I would probably say yeah I agree with you. best way to change policy would be to have your Area Manager talk to one of my managers. but I cant give you their phone number. welp….our call has gone over 20 minutes here so the quality people prob wont listen to it, so I will give you their phone number and this will be our little secret ok? you didnt get this from me. please dont tell them you got this number from me. tell them you got it from your district manager. actually….tell them you got this number from the darn intranet directory. you can look it up yourself!

or does the intranet restrict people of certain Job Codes of looking up certain people?

i have no idea and I don’t think a level 2 or 3 could answer that question either!

thats an exmaple of a question that cannot be answered in 10 minutes! MAYBE 72 hours! that is like 400 times longer timeframe!

and when you are just in your first 3 months, you dont have any idea of what kind of questions take 10 minutes, vs questions that take 4320 minutes!!!!!

its FINDING the one person out of 10000 corporate employees who might know the answer that is the trick. the person who knows the answer will be able to answer the question in 1 minute.


lynda.com has good videos, but you have to pay DEARLY for them. also there is nothing here on how to handle a barrage of calls, and what to say to not sound like a total idiot. nothing on “call management.” just technical stuff.

tech stuff is very important, and you can’t have too much, but it has to be CLEAR and COMPLETE; AND you ALSO need stuff on Call Management. How To Handle Calls Like A Boss.


ehehe need a minimum of 15 days of training. not 10 hahaha.

and 6 training days throughout the day. shit. I would like to see 1 full training day a MONTH.

ok how about 1 hour a week? thats about 1 day per 2 months. 6 days per year. shit i would have loved that. 1 hour a fooking week of training.